A Fool For Love(Emotions Cannot Beat Me)

[EleMense]

Replied to:

Born to Kill - Real Horror and Pain
WORD~PERFECT - Braggen Rights
RnC - For the cause

Check this piece out ya'll.........holla back an gimme some good feed on this shit....lemme know what ya'll think....



Blessings from the Lord with the gift to do good
Maturity takes time before lifes events are fully understood
Continue to fight to reach glory...my soul deeply needs an uplift
Wake spirits of my inner self...release more burdens when I spit
The trials that I have witnessed...display the reasons of broken paths
Forgive me of my sins...but will the forgiveness become everlast?
When pain is aimed at my way...I walk away and I lose
Bound victorious this time in the battle of the weak and confused
ILL witted...my minds fitted to free these frustrations to vent
I act as if I moved ahead...but its too hard to pretend
A fool to believe that life's transitions could be easily dealt
Because you gave me somthing in this world that I never have felt
A welt in the heart...once filled with depths of fullness is left empty
You'll find me continuing to stand on the same step in which you left me
It's about loyalty and trust...but why does this pain bring sorrow
I know better days are ahead and I still don't wanna think of tomorrow
These eyes of rain could easily explain about how I'm feeling without
Ya name resoundin in my head...alone...I'm yellin aloud
Wonder if ya think of me now?...The worst is unvailing before
As my ambitions were to hold ya tight...I watched ya walk out my door
My sky has fallen...darkness approaches...all this heartache has left me hopeless
I think of how we will never touch lips...Re-unite...but you'll say I dont want this
Mind is focused...forget these days and the ways you used to treat me
An watch me rise to the highest platform...because emotions will never BEAT ME!

[Sureal]

An Alright Verse, Just Need To Work On Your Bar Structure.
And Keep All The Ideas And Concepts Running Through.

[EleMense]

Appriciate it....thanks....uppin

[f-gee]

not bad
like sureal said some of the bars were trying to fit too many syllables into a linemaking the flow a bit choppy in places
content was personal but i cant say i was gripped by it
seemed to lack something..maybe the flow disrupted it
not an original topic but everyone has a different view on emotions etc so each drop is usually unique to the teller
pretty solid verse..just work on the rhyming aspects and maybe add some imagery..i find that keeps my attention usually in a verse