Accidental Imprisonment

[KnowP]

I remember the silent nights, and the endless rights
Suffocating in abandoned thoughts of my mindless plights
Timeless moments sat in beds, televisions rot my head
Contemplating the next endeavor, where ever footsteps tread
A belly fed, an alley of trash became a museum of construction
But who knew in that same alley is where id consume dysfunction
Hopeless filled needles, a garbage bag, I find it hard to grasp
a normal situation going from typical, to immediately wrong n bad
a Godless plan, or was it fate, that lonely embarrassing day
dreams and ambitions I dared to hold were suddenly carried away
master graduate, collegiate scholar, professor, medical doctor
flushed down the same drain that encompasses inevitable monsters
pushed away vodka, Smirnoff ice, slow down son, just think twice
incarcerations’ intent for your freedom is like women encountering mice
you’ll scream and kick, run for help, but no one will assist you
cause you’ll be cast in a room full of demons, housing identical tissue
meal times dictated, exercise is minimal, visits are really scarce
talking to friends for hours, hoping one day they will be physically there
meth was the source, got accidentally stuck and became addicted
now im trapped inside of another man, whose destiny led me to this prison

[KnowP]

http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/show...441/index.html
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/show...432/index.html
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/show...217/index.html

[Nohbody]

i enjoyed the ideas. The vocab was great. . but reading it, the lines just seem really stretched. I mean, to vocally spit something like this, over a real beat, you will have to be very creative with the beat and the bps to get them lines to flow.

seemed like alot of start, stop, start, pause, etc. . ya know what i mean?

regardless, I loved the content and the ideas, just not so much the execution. Keep it movin

[Vinzr]

Really feeling the message being told... as well as the whole concept of the piece. Vocab was strong, flow was good and I was really enjoying the content. It was straight forward and got the point across well.

If i had to choose I'd say these were my favourite lines:

master graduate, collegiate scholar, professor, medical doctor
flushed down the same drain that encompasses inevitable monsters
pushed away vodka, Smirnoff ice, slow down son, just think twice
incarcerations’ intent for your freedom is like women encountering mice

I was just feeling the message being told in that...

Overall it was a nice read man. Good job.

[KnowP]

thanks for the love peoples....much love for that. i'll rtf soon as well


uppin for more feed; leave links

[trajik]

I really enjoyed this piece man, such a vivid and well-written story. Your multis were really good in this, and you have exceptional vocabulary. Great imagery and really good concept, staying on topic although letting it evolve from intro to conclusion. Its hard to decide but I think my favorite part of this piece was:

A belly fed, an alley of trash became a museum of construction
But who knew in that same alley is where id consume dysfunction
Hopeless filled needles, a garbage bag, I find it hard to grasp
a normal situation going from typical, to immediately wrong n bad
a Godless plan, or was it fate, that lonely embarrassing day
dreams and ambitions I dared to hold were suddenly carried away

This was a great piece man. Top notch.

[Herculean]

i liked this, will edit and leave proper feed when i get home from work..

EDIT: as promised,

I remember the silent nights, and the endless rights
Suffocating in abandoned thoughts of my mindless plights
Timeless moments sat in beds, televisions rot my head
Contemplating the next endeavor, where ever footsteps tread

nice opener except for the word "televisions" thats one of those "sticky" words lol

A belly fed, an alley of trash became a museum of construction
But who knew in that same alley is where id consume dysfunction
Hopeless filled needles, a garbage bag, I find it hard to grasp
a normal situation going from typical, to immediately wrong n bad

nice, bonus points for usin the word dysfuntion lmao

a Godless plan, or was it fate, that lonely embarrassing day
dreams and ambitions I dared to hold were suddenly carried away
master graduate, collegiate scholar, professor, medical doctor
flushed down the same drain that encompasses inevitable monsters

damn, deep right here. the breaking point in ones life, i feel it

pushed away vodka, Smirnoff ice, slow down son, just think twice
incarcerations’ intent for your freedom is like women encountering mice
you’ll scream and kick, run for help, but no one will assist you
cause you’ll be cast in a room full of demons, housing identical tissue

kinda fill like the first 2 lines were more just for fillers but they worked, i could actually see the last too lines, nice show of emotion.

meal times dictated, exercise is minimal, visits are really scarce
talking to friends for hours, hoping one day they will be physically there
meth was the source, got accidentally stuck and became addicted
now im trapped inside of another man, whose destiny led me to this prison

yea son! get it lol, dope closer..

all in all fresh piece, i like the way you convey the message your trying to put out there. Don't know if this is a true story or not but drugs are a bitch, got a few friends who lost it all because of them. stay up bro.. n keep droppin

[KnowP]

Uppppp

[shootah]

I remember the silent nights, and the endless rights
Suffocating in abandoned thoughts of my mindless plights
Timeless moments sat in beds, televisions rot my head
Contemplating the next endeavor, where ever footsteps tread
[b]decent start, the title was what caught my attention and this introduces the topic nicely.

A belly fed, an alley of trash became a museum of construction
But who knew in that same alley is where id consume dysfunction
to me, possibly the best two lines, even 'museum' and 'consume' fit well together'

Hopeless filled needles, a garbage bag, I find it hard to grasp
a normal situation going from typical, to immediately wrong n bad
need to be worked on, maybe a bit of rephrasing - 'wrong n bad' just sounds like you'd given up for a minute

a Godless plan, or was it fate, that lonely embarrassing day
dreams and ambitions I dared to hold were suddenly carried away
master graduate, collegiate scholar, professor, medical doctor
flushed down the same drain that encompasses inevitable monsters
pushed away vodka, Smirnoff ice, slow down son, just think twice
incarcerations’ intent for your freedom is like women encountering mice
tidy and quite complex which is good, upped your game a lot here

you’ll scream and kick, run for help, but no one will assist you
cause you’ll be cast in a room full of demons, housing identical tissue
meal times dictated, exercise is minimal, visits are really scarce
talking to friends for hours, hoping one day they will be physically there
meth was the source, got accidentally stuck and became addicted
now im trapped inside of another man, whose destiny led me to this prison
a mixed finish between having great moments and like earlier, moments you seem to have lowered your standards in, but the message is clear and it rounds off the verse nicely

keep it up man.

[KANNABULL]

pushed away vodka, Smirnoff ice, slow down son, just think twice
incarcerations’ intent for your freedom is like women encountering mice
^ The only bar that didn't cut it in my eyes.
I could see this as a introduction to an album, consistency is dead on with your subject matter. Deep emotional content here, you should put it to wax. Ascend and keep jottin'. One.

[Chross]

Sick imagery and wordplay, really enjoyed that part of it. The whole subject matter was really interesting. I felt at some times though that it was way too wordy, like tryna fit too many words in one line. Like here:

Master graduate, collegiate scholar, professor, medical doctor
flushed down the same drain that encompasses inevitable monsters

Other than that I thought was pretty dope, good job

[KnowP]

thanks for the feed peoples....preciate it and will rtf today



uppin for more feed back

[KnowP]

....

[Spoken]

The raw emotion and the metaphorical approaches were nicely done it had a spark in it that I kept reading but to be honest the content bro the lines were fragmented no solid line really nice ficking imagery but shit cutting the sentence short to fit syllable count or flow just makes it sound forced a tad bit dude but this was still a nice drop knowp just have to be forward with you

[KnowP]

thanks for the honest feedback fam... truely appreciated

uppin