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Thread: Detuned

  1. #1
    Expression Is Everything XM's Avatar
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    Detuned



    Written By: XM and Android

    You were once the same as I...

    Torn between the threads
    of sanity's prided sheets,
    spread across this lonely
    death bed laid limbs of string.
    Such beauty followed your foot-
    prints; with a walk of life so fine
    your steps remained unnoticed.

    ..Seems hopeless..

    In the eve of moments, devotion
    hung high, reality crept in,
    you stood still long enough to
    let your emotions run by.
    Because pain is sorrow, misery
    invites the company of tomorrow,
    if blood is thicker than water..

    ..then why has yours run dry?

    Fingers printed up and down your spine
    where they used to trace those dusty trails
    corroding from your hip to your neck
    on which we used to ride each and every breath.
    Cliché? It's true we had our set routine
    where we sat and played for hours,
    the sky staring in awe at your flowing grace
    and those faux-like stars in your eyes.

    ...Do you still remember?

    Those cold feet you got
    when you'd try to stand on your own.
    Those cold stares you'd give me
    when I treated you wrongly.
    - Those lips,
    from which such cold words could escape
    then afterwards embrace and warm my soul.
    To spell it out clearly,
    there were no cares in the world
    except the one beginning with 'u'.

    ...Is it really all over?

    Still I wonder, the barriers you
    broke, the walls you scaled, toned
    the silence of these acustic halls
    with notes.
    Each letter provided insight
    of whom picked you first, but your
    voice no longer carries pass the first row.

    ..were these cries for help or hope?

    Serenely spoke to tame the mind,
    appluad the thought, your reign has dried
    with restricted movements, a lame demise,
    insane but why?

    ..you were once the same as I..


    Where the fuck was I fore they found me?
    Floatn in a meadow, dragonflies all around me
    Seeded in a ghetto, smokin cigarellos
    Stress oceans try to drown me
    Walking on water like when Christ did, glidin
    Mic in my plam like the trident in the hand of Poseidon

  2. #2
    Expression Is Everything XM's Avatar
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    Re: Detuned

    Links:
    http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/show...189/index.html

    Android will supply the 2nd.
    Where the fuck was I fore they found me?
    Floatn in a meadow, dragonflies all around me
    Seeded in a ghetto, smokin cigarellos
    Stress oceans try to drown me
    Walking on water like when Christ did, glidin
    Mic in my plam like the trident in the hand of Poseidon

  3. #3
    .exe Android's Avatar
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    UK
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    1-2



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    Why'd they riot in the UK just to take some stuff?
    While the houses of parliament still remained untouched.
    - Mikill Pane

  4. #4
    Soule
    Guest

    Re: Detuned

    Hit up the new collab, thanks.



    This collaboration was pretty legit. I've seen writers use this idea a few times. I've even used it once or twice myself. So the overall approach wasn't entirely fresh. But the content was entertaining. I liked the first two stanzas most. The vibe of this poem kept the same , unscratched tone the entire poem. Which is a good thing for a collaboration, showed the chemistry you two have together. The wording in this was clean. And the imagery was very well leveled. I could imagine a man, or woman, playing guitar .. treating it as if it was the love of their life. Dope poem, keep writing.

  5. #5
    Expression Is Everything XM's Avatar
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    Re: Detuned

    ups
    Where the fuck was I fore they found me?
    Floatn in a meadow, dragonflies all around me
    Seeded in a ghetto, smokin cigarellos
    Stress oceans try to drown me
    Walking on water like when Christ did, glidin
    Mic in my plam like the trident in the hand of Poseidon

  6. #6
    Word Of Mouth Kaotic Theory's Avatar
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    Re: Detuned

    i thought this was cool, two complete different styles and xm...props my friend for bustin outta leftfied and being like yo son lets write some poetry. lol un preditable.
    your prt was more of the flow and expression of the poem, i mean most people who tr to rhyme in poetry come off forced and trying to hard but your's actually went smooth and fit fine, android you came with the more abstract with imager type shit with the real descripted wording overall i think you both meshed really well. cool read.
    AI

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  7. #7
    Newbie
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    Re: Detuned

    Wow that was a wonderful poem. I think it conveys feelings that most people could relate to. I love the sort of cadence that it kept in the beginning, the rhyme scheme was subtly perfect. Overall I really enjoyed it. The only part that didn't flow as smoothly to me was the third stanza, but like I said great overall.

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