Once I Start

[E Tone]

Heres Some Shit I Wrote When I Was Blown A Couple Weekends Ago:

Polish my shoes
Shine my wrist
When i pull that gat
you know my handgun twist
Blunts rolled thick, like the boy Marley
Dick so big the chicks call me Robby

im up in the sky
where you can see my fly
soar through the heavens
Im on cloud nine
Im so high adjusting to the crops
On top of everest ima bout to leap off
and ima spread my wings when i take off
See once i jump i cant be stopped

my voice is in your head when there's no music
I stir mad lean so i guess i brew it
stop calling already got plans like a blueprint
I dont just speak this language, im fluent
comprehend my lyrics symbolism like an english student
Im the class clown causing mischief like a nuisance
And i can smash on chuck norris like bruce did

[E Tone]

wow no one want to crit this shit??

[Jukon]

No because you don't have your two feedback links. Check out the rules..

[Dex'Labb]

You have two options. If you want to be a terrible artist like Gucci, then continue what you are doing. If you want to be more introspective and not looked at like an idiot, and have an opinion in life outside of guns, drugs and whatever else tickles your gangster fancy - then forget everything you have ever heard. Direct yourself to the Hall Of Fame section in Open Mic, and get an understanding of what being a quality writer is all about. Red or blue pill, the choice is yours.

[Wise Ways]

i don't know about this stuff.. all the things in this were pretty basic for me.. Tone.. heres some advice try to take some time and think of some shit that will emotionally grab the readers man.. just keep at it and keep practicing... you had some pretty good flow but this was just kinda like a braggadosho piece for me.. try to insinuate sometype of storyline or theme rather then just saying 'yo i'm the shit cuz you're a spineless bitch' or w/e ...keep at it man..

[iLL sPoKeN.]

Short, wack, and...well it needs a lot of work, if you're interested in getting topical help, you can just read some HOF material shit, or read a book, authors don't have ass, and real topical writers don't drop lame ass shit.

[SCK]

It's kind of I don't know man, it's very straightforward . I don't see no artistry in it. No style I guess