prisoners of our own intelligence

[kontro]

prisoners of our own intelligence
kontroverzy



intelligent messages get polluted by the uneducated addictions
hard to interpret the truth from fiction, concealed in my own prison
& i don't wanna be set free, cause the arrogant bullshit is spreading
like a deadly plague, blinded by false accusations, to my destiny Im heading
whether I make a difference or I get wiped out of existence
I barricade myself in my rhymes, no way one can lift this
when I finally arise, the truth I obtain will be too frightening to witness
as I morph into a heartless monster, till the path to heaven seems gripless
Freedom is seldom acknowledged when your comfortable with your surroundings
the rate that time can pass by is astounding, as the paper takes poundings
brutally beaten with my pen, as I use my rhymes to form a den
fuck it i'll write till the ink leaks into our blood streams
and let god seperate the boys from the men

telegraphing the outcome before it happens, souls everlasting
so we fall victim to our fate at an early age, refuse to take action
kidnapping our childhood and replacing it with false dreams
wounds not at all cleaned, can you depict the unsolved theme.
neither can we, so we write about it & others show similar thoughts
trapped in our minds, because knowledge to the unwise equals shot
so souls get bought, the continuation of the plot, commends
the truth is clearer then a telescope lens, but ignorance blends
with passion and determination, so we forget why, who & when
but i'll never forget, as long as I have my notebook, and my pen

[kontro]

http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/show...92#post7308592
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/show...141/index.html

[2triple0]

wow i'm going to try to break this down closely because there was a lot of content in there...it was like your piece was about something you couldn't talk about.... like you were explaining a plot that didn't really exist and that would last forever, but it was as if you weren't allowed to say anything about it... i like how this was very suspicious, because it was impossible to interfere with this things power... i'm going to go ahead and break this down line by line since it was such a short piece...

intelligent messages get polluted by the uneducated addictions
hard to interpret the truth from fiction, concealed in my own prison
you started off talking about messages and addictions that aren't good for each other because it makes it difficult to understand the truth from fiction, i like that line about truth from fiction, because fiction is not the truth and truth is about facts, and things that happen in fiction aren't real that was an interesting intro for sure
& i don't wanna be set free, cause the arrogant bullshit is spreading
like a deadly plague, blinded by false accusations, to my destiny Im heading
and i guess kon's protagonist here doesn't feel society and he is searching for his own destination
whether I make a difference or I get wiped out of existence
I barricade myself in my rhymes, no way one can lift this
when I finally arise, the truth I obtain will be too frightening to witness
as I morph into a heartless monster, till the path to heaven seems gripless
this was a cool vision, it seemed like the protagonist reached what you were aiming for, and the protagonist turned into everything that the society he hated so much made him.
Freedom is seldom acknowledged when your comfortable with your surroundings
the rate that time can pass by is astounding, as the paper takes poundings
brutally beaten with my pen, as I use my rhymes to form a den
fuck it i'll write till the ink leaks into our blood streams
and let god seperate the boys from the men
this was alright the flow was a bit off here, but i think you still were on topic which was nice... you could have explained a little more in depth here what was going on psychologically for your character....you had some nice shit in the beginning of this shit like acknowledging freedom and the rate time can pass at....some good ideas, just needed to be fine-tuned a little bit

telegraphing the outcome before it happens, souls everlasting
so we fall victim to our fate at an early age, refuse to take action
kidnapping our childhood and replacing it with false dreams
wounds not at all cleaned, can you depict the unsolved theme.
this was real nice, much cleaner then the first stanza... the wording was smooth and on point... you ended with the question can you solve this puzzle, as if the verse was some sort of story and the reader had to put all the pieces together to understand the topics and the network that was being built...i read something earlier similar about how networks are organized and run and this piece seems to be all about that but specifically referring to writers, audio heads, and rappers in general....ok?
neither can we, so we write about it & others show similar thoughts
trapped in our minds, because knowledge to the unwise equals shot
so souls get bought, the continuation of the plot, commends
the truth is clearer then a telescope lens, but ignorance blends
with passion and determination, so we forget why, who & when
but i'll never forget, as long as I have my notebook, and my pen
very nice ending paragraph here, you kind of were like 'ya it can get out of control but that's how these rhymes work anywayzzz...

alreet =/

[kontro]

i appreciate the breakdown. its greatly appeciated.

[Godwasheeeeeeeeeeeeere]

whether I make a difference or I get wiped out of existence
I barricade myself in my rhymes, no way one can lift this
when I finally arise, the truth I obtain will be too frightening to witness
as I morph into a heartless monster, till the path to heaven seems gripless

that was fuckin fire

telegraphing the outcome before it happens, souls everlasting
so we fall victim to our fate at an early age, refuse to take action

thas fuckin deep n full of truth

all in all this was a really dope drop it got deep in spots which was viscious, the first 4 lines i qouted was massive to me

props on this

[kontro]

thanks famz good looks.. uppin

[kontro]

uppin

[Iglosone]

ok.. this was good.. I liked it.. technicaly speaking it had good multis and flow.. poeticaly it was pleasing aswell.. you touched on some stuff that connected with me.. your content is kinda wht I write about in general.. life as we know it.. I liked your line about arogance.. this one really stood out to me..

kidnapping our childhood and replacing it with false dreams
-sick

this was well done.. keep it up

[dreaming_awake]

Damn...after readin this I had to sit and think for a little bit before typing up some feed bro.
I was really diggin this in its entirety but there's some lines that stood out to me for sure.



intelligent messages get polluted by the uneducated addictions
hard to interpret the truth from fiction, concealed in my own prison
& i don't wanna be set free, cause the arrogant bullshit is spreading
like a deadly plague, blinded by false accusations, to my destiny Im heading
whether I make a difference or I get wiped out of existence
I barricade myself in my rhymes, no way one can lift this
when I finally arise, the truth I obtain will be too frightening to witness
as I morph into a heartless monster, till the path to heaven seems gripless


this seemed to illustrate to me that our current society doesn't allow for people to stray from the status quo of a viscous, self-centered, monster as you put it. We're stuck in a constant cycle that seems impossible to break free from. No matter how pure we attempt to guide our lives, there's an oppressive force bearing down until we just put up our own walls, create our own prison, to keep the overbearing majority from ruining even the smallest glimpse of purity in our soul. I like the last couple of lines though, because even through all this...you show that this darkness that seeps in can never erase the purity of knowledge. As long as we can keep that fragment of beauty, the ugly cold twisted world could never conquer us completely.

[INile]

Eveyhting was pretty much said already.. All Im left with is telling you that it was quite insightful. Props on it. It was well thought out and I enjoyed it.

Stay blessed. 1

[kontro]

thanks ya'll I appreciate the feed.

and dreaming, you hit the concept right on the nail man, im glad you enjoyed it