Realisation

[Ctrl Alt Elite]

November 11th 2003 - 4:15 approx

4:15 in the afternoon and returning from school I walked through the gate
Moms car was still there which pissed me off that made her what? hour late?
Cuz if momma had got canned again, i'd of given the stupid bitch hell
We had no cash in the house at all, just for food we hadda sell
Cuz with the drugs n shit that "he" was on, money was always thin
Just thinking of "him" makes me sick to my stomach, anger stirs within
Yeah "He" is my so called Father, a faggot who left when i was three
I used to see him everyday, but only when he's threatnin' momma and me
That fucker beat us up n shit, leaving many bruises about my face
Once i saw him rape my mother, After muffling her screams wit a pillow case
Anyway, i walked through the door to see "His" wallet on the floor
I noticed "his" thick deoderant scent, He'd been there, i was sure
As i walked past the darkened kitchen, i saw the table up-side-down
Knives and forks lay accross the floor, i heard a noise and turned-right-round
It seemed ironic to me that i was fearful to wonder my own home
The tension and anger gripped every muscle, nerve and chromosome
It was only as i walked into the lounge that i saw to what extent
the drugs had affected a man i once loved and sent him hell-bent
My mother lay upon the floor, with 8 wounds deep in her back
dizziness kicked in, tears streamed down my face
My legs buckled from beneath me, followed by the unescapable black...


Realisation is a bitch.





Just a really quick peice because i got bored of battling.
This isn't in anyway true btw.


Links -
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/show...22#post7120822

http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/show...074/index.html

[Ctrl Alt Elite]

upped. This is first ever OM attempt btw and was 10-15 mins keyed

[Gabriel570]

I'm not gonna lie for a key style piece...this was aiighttt
it wa skindaa detailedddd buhh yuh need to work on ya mutlis and word play
multis make your piece stand out for a better rhyme structure buh I liked how yuh expressed ya self buh for a key style it was decent

[Ctrl Alt Elite]

upin this peice of shit

[Ctrl Alt Elite]

any feed on this?

[143]

this was cool...i kinda got lost for a minute becasue the verse jumped then left you hanging in the end...but it was a 7/10.

[Ctrl Alt Elite]

uppppiiiidys

[The-Palestinian]

Amazing story telling there bro could have used better wordplay and metaphors but in general very good piece and work on the flow its better if your doing story telling

[Golden-Child]

I thought the piece cud of been a lot better....the topic is mehhh, so wordplay, meta's and punchlines wud have helped this more....the stroy seemed dark, so stronger words to build that emotion wud definitely be better....

5/10

[Stedii'Rhymes]

I'm not gonna lie for a key style piece...this was aiighttt
it wa skindaa detailedddd buhh yuh need to work on ya mutlis and word play
multis make your piece stand out for a better rhyme structure buh I liked how yuh expressed ya self buh for a key style it was decent

Yea i Agree..