Play Dead (Spoken Word)

[Kazper™]

Conceived in a pool of abnormality. Gradually swept in time...
A tested mind with the expectence of being the best of kind.
An Obsessive line; And breaching the border patrolled by friend;
Intent to find the secret conclusion of how this'll really end.
I'm feeling trends of compassion, clashin' with My own morals.
An addict relapsing before You... Attached to an allured doom.
Acting a performed fool. Rapture entangles the truth unsaid.
Between breath'd metaphores; Yes, every sentence lays embed.
An I've played the dead; Kept a memory untill You seek a ghost,
Who could bleed hope into the weak. I leave the calander soaked.
Another jagged edge of the mirror reflecting the scars imprinted,
Apart from wisdom, I'm scarred with visions of Our hearts division.
I'm marked as different; And will remain so as ever a truth hides,
Behind those dark beautiful eyes and smile plasterd with pride...
Just a mask that defines laughs turned a burnin' passion to ash.
Anything could be had but pretendings something She couldn't ask...
...
It's like pushin' on glass; To much pressure'll shatter the window.
An if You glue the remains an look threw the pain, it'll still show.
But Still though, He holds strong to the thought of Her innocence;
Whether it's actually true or just a pretense to a realist...


http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/show...or-400803.html
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/show...lf-400729.html

[kami.kaze]

i liked this man the vocab was alright but you need to work on some other aspects like your delivery but your figurative laguage was good and the flow was good, just a few minor touch ups and this would be recording material and the last part there could be the chorus

rtf
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/show...html?p=7094236

[Kazper™]

Quit sleepin'. Uppin' an leave links. I always rtf

[HYPOKRIT]

This was good a little poetic for me but still entertaining. A lot of wordplays in this. They were clever but a little bit forced. The muliti's were also very good. I wouldnt have called it "spoken word" ... Spoken word is retarded and this was good.

I would like to see you write something with the same level of multi's and wordplay but on a topic or even just a more hip hop track type deal. You dont have to write emotional sad shit with feelings just cuz everyone else on here does.

Good shit you got skills

peace

[+h3_B|@ck_+enchu]

Conceived in a pool of abnormality. Gradually swept in time...
A tested mind with the expectence of being the best of kind.
- nice

like i said im an intro guy, if i cant get past the first 2-4 bars then im a goner...was diggin the vocab and intellect taken to put this together ...

An I've played the dead; Kept a memory untill You seek a ghost,
Who could bleed hope into the weak. I leave the calander soaked.
- tight as well

I'm marked as different; And will remain so as ever a truth hides,
Behind those dark beautiful eyes and smile plasterd with pride...
Just a mask that defines laughs turned a burnin' passion to ash.
Anything could be had but pretendings something She couldn't ask...
- best part of the piece

niec drop, shit ed good, kinda put you inside the persons head, seeing out through their eyes...

[Wordz AhGod.]

This was surprisingly good Kaz, I didn't expect to see a nicely written piece when I stumbled onto your RTF link but this was actually a good read.. Im not sure if I got the concept right but from what I got, its about a drug addicted person who's speaking about how he feels and his addiction.. correct if Im wrong and I'll calmly slap myself.. but either way, your and vocab was nice although I dont really care for vocab, in this case it helped give your piece a nice poetic feel to it. There was emotion that kept it going and it lasted to the very end.. nice piece fam, Im recomending it for OMHOF.. and that means a lot cos It'll be the first time Ive done it.

Keep it up and stop battling cos you suck at that but your good at this so yeah..

[Sänity]

I always read your pieces then forget to feed them haha

this was really nice, also I see it got put up for HOF so congrats if it gets in.

I'm marked as different; And will remain so as ever a truth hides,
Behind those dark beautiful eyes and smile plasterd with pride...
Just a mask that defines laughs turned a burnin' passion to ash.
Anything could be had but pretendings something She couldn't ask...

Was my favorite, it ed real nice and rhymed perfectly. I don't think you have dropped a piece that I haven't enjoyed. I liked the start of it too it really got my attention and made me want to read the whole thing. Keep at it!

[Kazper™]

Uppin'

[Cody Nash]

this was good. but not HoF good like wordz thinks IMO.. the reason it's not HoF good is because to me, this seems way incomplete.. like PART of a dope thought/piece.. one verse.. it's not too short, it's just the way shit was written/worded from beginning to end came off as incomplete. the mechanics are dope, some lines were a bit eh - seeming like they were written just to rhyme.. but for the most part, this was a dope VERSE.. but could've been brushed up on or added to.. stay writing, you're on the right track for sure bro..

- Cry

[BroKen]

I gave this some feedback on FG but still, I think this was pretty good dude. Word up, nice flow, originality, and I JUST LOVED IT! Don't stop with this shit dude, this is stuff you are really good at and I hope to see more from you.