My Broken Butterfly

[Ace of Aces]

thanks a lot both of you.

really appreciate it.

[Fundamentaly Sound]

Very nice. Deep, flow was on point. Keep doin' it man, I like ya style.

-one.

[Ace of Aces]

i appreciate that brotha.

[IconIQ]

first off, a well rounded story. almost sounds real, the emotion plays out real well. you painted the picture very well and it was smooth to read, kept a steady pace, although i must say i enjoyed your first verse more. maybe it was more refreshing to see a positive piece play it, and inevitably, although the end was kinda gut-wrenching, it felt like it was coming.. lingering.. well dread i suppose. nice..

i was impressed with the way you kept a nice rhythm, along with a few multies and steady rhymes, and still kept your verse very clear and intact, never really felt it go off on a tangent as can happen so easily. so well done.

a couple of my favourite excerpts from the piece;

And, like a fashion book, was littered with Crayola fancies.
Somehow, she’d always find the time to paint all those families
Channeling little arrows to point out which stick figure’s who:
“No, Daddy, that’s me, and the one with the big fingers is you.”


Then, she’d think with a sad face. Blue was her quiet hue.
Nothing else mattered…
She’d put a smile on you without trying to.
Then, she said she’d be flying soon and yelled to tell her goodbye.
I Don’t think she knew he meant it when he held her to the sky.

I ask her picture questions daily, with bitter hopes of an answer,
Praying that she’ll save me as my guilt grows like a cancer.
Does she know what I was after, or was she just told that I’m a bastard?
And Would she love me again, if I showed that she still matters?

all them pieces.. hard n straight to the point. also, your closer..

“Daddy doesn’t love me. Now, I cry when I’m about to sing.
I’m still your butterfly, but how can I fly without my wings?”

only line i didnt really like, maybe i didnt understand the point correctly, just came off as a little uh.. i dunno, dodgy or somthin, n it was;


Beyond that, she’d twinkle little stars in her underwear at night,

but overall, i thought this was hot. keep doin this kinda shit. 1

[Ace of Aces]

thanks a lot I appreciate that.

drop links.

[IconIQ]

no problem man. if you want to rtf, here's a link.

http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/show...ft-385285.html