Damned If You Bleed Till The Last Drip Slash

[HighEngineChief]

Damned If You Bleed Till The Last Drip Slash
By HighEngineChief

Please wake up, my heart rot on the floor cold for a breaths whisper
Under terrible siege - your life on the counter balance - hold on;
Do not gasp the last just yet, fold your arms around my voice - ten(acious
Ly) nine, eight, seven - tumbling down, dig your fingers in the translucent,
Vanishing earth; Keep close to life! Damned if you bleed till the last drip splash
Damned if I see that star fade from your teary eyes, blink never again!
Stalk elsewhere death! Turn your sickle sideways to gleam on another soul
Not this one. My chest cradles a sick heart, my stomach refuses to eat -
Without - you; Please wake up, hide your soul with mine; I'll keep it safe -
I promise. Take me with you, you leave me here to suffer the storm alone?
Parading winds of demise, and I'm trapped in the calm prison of it's eye
~ Bitter Sweet Life ~ My Sweet bleeds on dank blades of grass, and
I think I can taste the Bitter salt, plummeting from my cheek (a downtrend -
In hope) Please wake up, I'll be damned if you bleed till the last drip splash
Blink never again, How ironic my plea personified against me; Punkd
If I can't wish you back, I can wish everyone else away - till the last drip
Slash

[Jon]

lol, well...

you never cease to amaze me.. especially on how people ignore your shit. they don't think you're anything more than a mediocre writer. but, like me, let them read... they'll see what they're missing out on. you're really creative, as shown in this piece. i liked the structure, but only how you exicuted it. if it was a fraction of a point worse than i'd rate it - the structure would've ruined it. you did just enough to pull it off... GREAT shit on that.. i'm glad to see one of my old guys pulling out in the poetry section... nice shit.. keep up... stay creative.

btw - i did that freerice.com & donated 200 grains.

thanks for showing me that.

[ITawAPuddyKat]

This was good. The best aspect was the wording and the content. I like your style, very unique though you need to switch up your structure cause as a reader, I stumbled in some parts. Like your flow/voice, try to match it with your structure, IMO. In addition, I like the Imagery you've painted, very grusome yet so confinement. The weak aspect is, well I couldn't find one, except the structure. Overall, good drop, keep writing.

http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/show...ft-366100.html

[Soule]

http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/show...ry-366494.html

don't care if you feed this or not, but i'd appreciate if you could return the favor.



Yeah, you're just a flat out beast when it comes to writing bro. And I really see you has a brilliant writer. Your wording is just superb man, really beyond most there is here in the poetic scriptures forum. Imagenation seemed really drawn out and grabbed my attention very quick from the get-go. Loved it, I'd feed more... but the Z's are realing me in. Just know, I loved it and might nominate it after a second read tomorrow. Thanks.

[Ntalek]

Overall this was a solid poem..and a good read..your wording was strong..and helped convey alot of the imagery throughout the piece...I can't really say much that hasn't been said already...the topic was a bit on the creative side..with how you executed it..the structure was good as well..so as stated above overall this was a good read..

[Rein Ryder]

amazing, i think some of your best work, i really felt the imagery, and the emotion felt so real, and your vocabualry was amazing, i honestly wish i could write as good as you. only thing that was bad was maybe that it bored me near the end, a lot of new stuff didnt suprise me, but the beggining was superb, keep at it.