Wk1/ Design vs. Jon Dagel

[Born To Kill]

Ok, Gentlemen...

To remind...it goes like this...

Check in by Wednesday...or YOU LOSE! No exceptions...
At the time of check in drop the topic you wanna write about...
It can be about anything...this shit is about you, the person, you the writer...
What you have inside you that you wanna get out in written word.
Be it your shitty week, the story of you and your girl...
Your inner-most hatred, your ultimate adventure...
Whatever.
BUT MAKE SURE YOU LET YOUR TOPIC BE KNOWN AT TIME OF CHECK IN.
This is to reduce the chances of you waiting until the last minute...
Then posting up an old piece you wrote 3 years ago.
I REALLY hope you don't do shit like that...please write fresh, aight!

Maximum 36 lines...if you drop more, your opponent can request a DQ...
AND HE'LL GET IT! Please keep these verses fairly quick and easy to read.
That'll keep votes and interest going!

Due Friday, Midnight.

That's all, I guess...please tear this shit up!!!

Peace and good luck!!!
.
.
.

[Soule]

Living A Request

[Soule]

Living a request by whom?
Remaining the quest of god.
Sick of the clouds applaud,
Jihad - a history consumed.

“Babe have you seen my car keys?”
“Nope, remember we’re deceased.”

Memory loss is a scripture,
a memory painted picture.
Sorry; she couldn‘t apologize,
aging through hollow cries.
It’s this holocaust image -
her exhaustion listened.
Never mentioned nightmares,
nope, because the night cares.
Weather stares into a cornea,
she’s become a similar torah.
Her comma made life short,
She withdrew from exhort.
An escort to the afterlife,
sad when laughter died.
Glad when a pastor was born,
A carriage created via hawthorn.
This worn child living a request,
He’ll fail to succeed gods quest.
We all do, no one is best.
Live a request to be perfect.

If only it was worth it.

[Nø1nê~]

o GOd....Im actually in this, sorry for not checkin in by Wednesday I thought that you didn't take me BTK. You can check the vacancy thread as my proof. But now that I kno umm is it okay if I check in now.

My Topic will be: What More Do You Want From Me. or abrv. What More Do You Want.

[Soule]

Make sure to drop by tomorrow.

[Nø1nê~]

What more do u want

Design why can't you be legendary, always stuck secondary
but no you jus some nigga who is in a fuckin cemetery
With no dreams of reality, only the screams of your mentality
All originality has been crushed wit extreme Brutality,
You want to be more than jus the world's disappointment
Needing an ointment jus to get a simple job appointment
And when you seek more, you only seem to fall and collapse
Diggin raps, from the grave jus cause u have to be bridgin the gaps
In your life which seem to make you hold your head in shame
Cause theres no fortune and pain, only torture and pain
In Vagabonds Shoes you want to to be more than a useless nigga
A toothless figure, shooting with a revengeful ruthless trigga
YOU WANT TO BE MORE, but you sittin here defeated and confused
Feelin' cheated, and misused, but finally u've completed ur blues
About to pull it' and jus have this bullet make your life shattered glass
Brain's will spill and be splattered fast,only if u mattered up to an ass
But its over you done, and now you ready to commit suicide
These are your confused thoughts before you died.

"What More Do You Want for Yourself To Be?
Nothing, because there is nothing more I can be"

Sorry for this half-assed freestyle i jus came up wit. I was runnin out of time, and I have been busy lately. I'll come harder next week.

[Soule]

http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/show...vs-352802.html
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/show....html?t=352818

[Nø1nê~]

what is the .. for? I kno the drop wasn't the greatest, cause I had to rush it.

[Broly]

Prayer- nice verse, i liked the flow and rhymescheme you had in it
and the imagery was on point, as was the emotion almost a flawless
piece, except for the structure kinda messed with the flow at some times
nothing too major though.

DeSign- ok piece, nothing really special though, i can tell your still elevating
your rhymescheme was meh, nothing special once again, but keep writing cause that's why your here, too elevate on your writing.

V. prayer, for having a better written verse, no hate though

[Soule]

1-0. me

[Witty]

Prayer - this was a nice little verse dude, you are definitely coming along with your writing. I can't say I was feeling the structure too much, but other than that I didn't really have any whims with this piece, it was a nice mellowed read, you told a story, and got a message across, nice job dude.

Design- this was alright, it was some thing I like to do from time to time, a nice little rant, it can turn out very well if done properly. This piece didn't really do it for me, I felt the emotion was kinda forced in....it wasn't terrible, it was quite well written...it just didn't do anything for me. Keep at it.

v/prayer

[Judge Judy]

prayer- cool little piece, nothing special, your getting better, so thats good...weird structure, but what ever, all that counts is that your improving, this was the best work from you that ive read.

design-i like the scheme, but, i didnt really grasp the full meaning on the verse. maybe its just me, im not sure, but i felt you could of done better, maybe add some emotion...oh and the closer seems extremely forced, and you deffinetly could of worded the bar better.

keep it up, both of you.

v/prayer

[Born To Kill]

Prayer WINS, 1-0

Design LOSES, 0-1

Nice work, gentlemen!!!