Finding Myself

[Ace of Aces]

Finding Myself

I awoke early this morning with hopes of a better season
Only to find the sun would melt those self-centered reasons
I’ve rendered this weathered treason, a point to quit work
And in attempt to find myself, I toss a coin to this search
With my head to a tail, I flip it again to my back as it falls down
Then I leave my house with a half empty glass and I walk out

It just so happens that at the last step I catch a married man
With his buried hand, take an extra glance at a “Mary-Ann”
He moves towards my step for a better of view I’m assumin’
Of this beautiful women, who I think knew he was lookin’
Though not in tune with his movement, she took the hint
And with one look at him, another key to a room to give

I just wish I had it like he did, even with a wife and 3 kids
Its more of a problem for women to find him to sleep with
He lives with secrets and does more than drift pavements
I’d do just about anything, to just get out and switch places
“Lifes a bitch ain’t it” says a homeless who was watchin’ me
Unimpressed by the irony, I smile back with a nod and leave

It just so happens that at the next block down I spot a crowd
Surrounding now, a single man who stood out and bowed
I couldn’t count the amount of people that shout or grabbed
At this model’s hands, as he took the time to sign autographs
Then on his last, he took off and ran at a full-throttle tilt
Leaving me in awe of the people that would follow still

Now I wish I had it like this guy, with unoriginal style
Just say fuck it to school, but then get rich with a smile
What a business to dial, lets get my nude body painted
Throw that into a magazine and then call me famous
Bet he gets a new chick by the day, his life is somethin’
I’m tired of mines being a mother fuckin’ dime a dozen

And then it just so happens that, before I go home again
I get stopped in my tracks by the same old homeless man
And he says to me, “I know what you’re thinking kid,
You feel like a piece of shit, in a world so freaking big;
You’re lonely, not rich or famous, but even if its true
Life’s a bitch son, but you’re just bein’ a bitch too”

[SoFly]

This was ill. It was simple but you got your point across. The last bar was really really good. It brought all of it together and made me realize what you were trying to say. I like how you just made the character and everyday kinda guy. The homeless guy was a good fucken character. He really put it into perspective. Good job man stay up.


http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/show...me-344728.html


Hit that up^, thnx

[LedgenZ]

DAMN - I literally said DAMN a total of three times when reading this piece. This piece was that good. Ace, I almost feel bad being so harsh in your previous thread, however, this was the rebound of all verses. I've said it time and time again: your style of writing is just SOOOOOOOOOOOOO damn unique. I haven't seen anyone else that writes with such elegance and depth, yet also manages to keep it on a "common" level. You truly are a talented writer. This piece was no exception. First overall your rhyme scheme was fluid, as well as your flow. Secondly your imagery was amazing, and what's most impressive is the fact that it was hardly descriptive. There wasn't a lot of detail in your verse, but the way you used your words created a vivid picture full of emotions and events. I could SOOOOOOO visualize your character strolling the streets of downtown New York - brief case in one hand with a cell phone in the other. His tie is undone and his suit jacket draped across the center of his arm. It's been a long day and the monotony of life has made him mundane and lack-luster; he wishes his fate would have been different. Just a beautiful story composed of wonderful dialogue. My hat is tipped in your direction......kudos, Kudos man!


Favorite Lines:

I just wish I had it like he did, even with a wife and 3 kids
Its more of a problem for women to find him to sleep with
He lives with secrets and does more than drift pavements
I’d do just about anything, to just get out and switch places
“Lifes a bitch ain’t it” says a homeless who was watchin’ me
Unimpressed by the irony, I smile back with a nod and leave

^This was the 1st time I said damn. It was right after I read the last two lines. I don't know what it is about those lines - but they sting with such strong....such strong something. Perhaps its the irony after all. In any light I just thought this entire passage was filled with great placement and even greater realism/emotion.

Also:

Now I wish I had it like this guy, with unoriginal style
Just say fuck it to school, but then get rich with a smile
What a business to dial, lets get my nude body painted
Throw that into a magazine and then call me famous
Bet he gets a new chick by the day, his life is somethin’
I’m tired of mines being a mother fuckin’ dime a dozen

^First of all - DAMN and secondly that was the second time I said DAMN (lol). I agree with the guy above me: it's the last lines that are so powerful. They kind of just summarize the entire mood. The last line in this excerpt in particular is superb! It had a lot of depth and it was also very relatable. Everyone has felt that feeling of envy, despair and disappointment at some point in time in there life. I think the way you chose to express it was true to life. Great Job.

Finally:

, “I know what you’re thinking kid,
You feel like a piece of shit, in a world so freaking big;
You’re lonely, not rich or famous, but so what if its true
Life’s a bitch son, but you’re just bein’ a bitch too”

^A very humorous way to end it, but also very thought provoking!


Final conclusion: This was ill, simple as that.


P.S. - I know you're rarely one AIM, so if you think PMs would be a more suitable form of communications then we can do that instead. Drop a topic or ask a question, but we have to collaborate some time soon.

[Ace of Aces]

Here's some links:

http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/show...me-344728.html
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/show...sk-344198.html
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/show...-1-344453.html

[Ntalek]

This piece was well written..and it's going to be hard to leave feed after Legendz....The ending was dope..how you tied everything together..with the same homeless man he smiled at..great imagery and irony through out the drop..your wording to me seems to be your strong point..This was a very good read in which I could relate..and it's always nice to read pieces of that nature..all the technicalites were covered to the max..in this one..good write..and a even better read...Keep writing..

[Ace of Aces]

thanks homie, drop links if you need Feed.

[Richard Parker]

Awesome piece. Lol. In the fifth stanza, some of your rhyming seemed forced, or at least out of place. And the closer seemed too cliche and coincidental, especially the last two lines. Situationally cliche, the lines themselves weren't cliche, but the figure of society's detriment - the homeless man - giving a life lesson - is all too cliche for my taste. Other than those two things I have no complaints about this piece, it was extremely well done.

[Twixn...]

Yeah i agree that 5th stanza could be gutted a bit...

but this was fucking awesome all in all.. Legendz basically ripped it apart and pointed out which spots where the best and i agree with him in most cases... the guy leaves awesome feed. But i can agree that this was probably the best work ive ever read from you and i think you are just starting to scrape the surface... i expect to keep reading dope shit from you in SS and hope all of em are like this. Great story work man.

[Ace of Aces]

thanks all, I didn't think the ending was THAT cliche. lol.

[Alphabetized]

Favorite Lines:

With my head to a tail, I flip it again to my back as it falls down
Then I leave my house with a half empty glass and I walk out

I just wish I had it like he did, even with a wife and 3 kids
Its more of a problem for women to find him to sleep with


Then on his last, he took off and ran at a full-throttle tilt
Leaving me in awe of the people that would follow still

And then it just so happens that, before I go home again
I get stopped in my tracks by the same old homeless man
And he says to me, “I know what you’re thinking kid,
You feel like a piece of shit, in a world so freaking big;
You’re lonely, not rich or famous, but even if its true
Life’s a bitch son, but you’re just bein’ a bitch too”

(Cool ending.)
(This was done as I read)

Alright, cool piece here. Everythings pretty much been stated. Flow was on point, fifth stanza is chopped in one spot but picked up shortly after. I could envision what was happening, and it was a pretty cool take on the topic. Props on this and more of your recent work i've read but havn't taken the time to feed.

Anyways, when you get a chance.. hit up this new keystyle.
It's a quick read, just lookin for a few opinions.

Heres the link: http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/show...wn-344899.html

Thanks!

[Morbid Dream]

This piece is worthy of Open Mic of the week. No doubt. So what if it sounded "cliche" or whatever. It Belted the point across as clearly as bat to the head. Nice job. Maybe it was a bit simple. My favourite attribute to this verse is the way you rhyme an average of 4 syllables per bar. Tough task. I mostly liked the last stanza. But I really liked how you tied it in to an eventual point.

Life’s a bitch son, but you’re just bein’ a bitch too”