Open Heart Surgery

[Chicho.]

Open Heart Surgery




The most dangerous procedure known to mankind
This procedure will totally take you out the state of mind
With a few words, your whole world changes
This will only go one route, there will be no exchanges
The pain will put you in bed for weeks, depressed
Blessed will be the ones who can get out of bed to get dressed
You can’t go out with your friends, you cannot
For the pain is unbearable and unwanted like a knot
You fell the person who gave you this is a demon
You can’t tell your feelings while you heart is screamin’
Leaving is what u don’t wanna believe this girl is feeling
While she out there fucking your heart is at home healing
She poked at your heart with the scaple but cut the wrong part
When u get up the next day u realize the girl stole you heart
Its final, this girl booted you out her life, kicked you out the door
But your heart is sore crying for this girl who u and her are no more

[Chicho.]

no feed?

[Wyte..]

This was a pretty good piece, i liked how it flowed and everything, the structure was good. Metaphors were pretty good. I think you could have been more creative with some lines. The imergy was good also, even though it put a picture of someone getting open heart surgey in my head. ewww. Overall this was a nice piece.

Leave feed on the OM in my sig called Writing. please thanks

[100%.]

Nice, like the twist at the end. Had me thinking it was about someone getting operated on, then it's about a bad relationship. Very nice. I liked it. Dont get to see much from you, but continue writing and droping.

["lil Neefy"]

OK here you go fag.

You've done better works before, I think, but it was good for your level of writing. You need to work on maybe incoperating some bigger vocabulary in your works. Granted its not all about big/complex vocab, it really helps. I'm assuming this was supposed to be a freeverse because I didn't catch on to any kind of rhyme scheme. The most notable part about this was your ending and the way you twisted the story line.. I didn't expect it from you but hey, life's full of surprises.

[Mic.]

this was a pretty good peice. structure was good and flow was too
imagery and emtion was nice and consistant throughout
rhymes were nice and this showed a little bit of creativity
overall this was pretty good could have been better but still good
peace.

[Soule]

it was nice. Great wordpaly and flow. The structre was nice. Some nice and long lines.
The creativty and imagenary was nice. The image inserted into my head my pretty well described from this peice. I thought the ending was going to turn out different but guess not. Which is good. You tricked me . The story line was decent as well. 9-10
Keep writing homie.

~LeX