Welll I think there was only one problem with this piece is that it was a more of rant which i don't think did justice to the idea of the collab. Technically the rhyme was great some of it complex and both were consistent, but the collab had no significance to me the reade. So overall for your next collab I'd like to see utilization of the collab to be more intertwined where each part of the piece add something the other piece needs, sort of like a sybiotic relationship. You got the skills tho no doubt bout the that, just focus it.
RTF if you have time to Mockery:
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=292214