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Thread: Plane crash survivor......subliminal message

  1. #1
    mic murderer phait's Avatar
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    Plane crash survivor......subliminal message

    3 moons have passed, still moistined with death
    recolection of the past days a haze of regret
    amazed that my breath is but a phase of wats next
    transition of my position to lay with the slept
    fragments of the vessel my only shelter to cope with
    life meager and hopless with death as a focus
    187 an ironic number of the fated passengers
    my addition laccs written to paged ametures
    of the cloak of life but still am i spose to fight
    all there yrs erased my only substanence, im close to right
    next to the devil playing his right handlike a twisted game
    is it meant the same that im the unlifted saint
    why was i not choosen to begin the new journey
    few heard me wen i said that the crews worried
    " Do you see the concern in their eyes?" i asked
    neighbor responded"kinda but it might pass"
    windows rattled and vibrated shaccled the skys placement
    someone yelld " does it matter if Gods waitin?!?"
    panic insued, fear replaced the atmosphere
    trays thrash about the ailes," i cant beleive we are traped in here"
    sudden blaccness and silience sumone happend to riot
    "NO HOPE! NO CHANCE!" next transactions are violent
    gravity grasping we, death, no longer laccing speed
    actually tragidy a significant part in life happenings
    so except then enevitable though the outcum was questionable
    death exceptable but will my memory be incredable
    no chance for an answer impact ravished the plane
    i awake hours later with its fragments haven savaged my brain
    so now on this desert island i lay in wait for peace
    to scared to end it my self im made to see
    3 moons have passed but still my days continue
    cuz the greatest punishment is not death but lonleyness with in u

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    Originally Posted by phait
    see why u gotta make rude comments.... i would be more of a pussy battlen ur newb ass and merkin u with da power it took to creat da earth than simply lettn sum one else who may be bored enough do so...
    Battles that need sum luvn




    Open Mic's

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  2. #2
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    fuck man that was sum sick shit, you must make an ill topical battler...


    3 moons have passed but still my days continue
    cuz the greatest punishment is not death but lonleyness with in u

    ^^^ Legendary

    Keep up the good shit man

  3. #3
    The True Psycho of RB
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    I really liked this piece, the concept was original which is rare in OM.
    You really did justice to the concept the whole verse was a metaphor so i gotta give you props i really enjoyed reading this piece its the best one ive read for a few weeks. Your vocab was perfect in this piece you didnt overuse it which really annoys me so from the first couplet you had my attention.
    Your imagery was also very good really emotional and very detailed you set a great scene and carried it right throughout the verses it never got repetitive.
    Your flow was also nice, which i always appreciate i hate pieces that lack multies but you had multies throughout the piece so it was more complex.
    I couldnt really criticise the piece it was dope i would quote some bars but there were quite a few so i'll leave it but keep writing your a good writer.
    Return the feed on my new OM:
    http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=241117
    I got caught for killing time but then i got away with words-Chino XL

  4. #4
    mic murderer phait's Avatar
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    thanx fo da feed bacc homie...uppity fo more

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    Originally Posted by phait
    see why u gotta make rude comments.... i would be more of a pussy battlen ur newb ass and merkin u with da power it took to creat da earth than simply lettn sum one else who may be bored enough do so...
    Battles that need sum luvn




    Open Mic's

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  5. #5
    mic murderer phait's Avatar
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    uppity fo sum more feed bacc.......................

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    Originally Posted by phait
    see why u gotta make rude comments.... i would be more of a pussy battlen ur newb ass and merkin u with da power it took to creat da earth than simply lettn sum one else who may be bored enough do so...
    Battles that need sum luvn




    Open Mic's

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  6. #6
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    mayne u already kno my dawg was gonna kill this.....u had decent structure jus try to make ur lines a lil more even.....u had multis and that made the floe much beta....the rhymes were hot and u made it very visual.....it was a really nice om.....

    keep it up....

  7. #7
    mic murderer phait's Avatar
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    uppin for more feed.......................................

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    Originally Posted by phait
    see why u gotta make rude comments.... i would be more of a pussy battlen ur newb ass and merkin u with da power it took to creat da earth than simply lettn sum one else who may be bored enough do so...
    Battles that need sum luvn




    Open Mic's

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  8. #8
    The Audio King .Silence.'s Avatar
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    This was a good piece here.You had a good topic along with a good storyline which is good.Also your Imagry and emotion were on point here with this piece.When I read it I could picture where I was at and shit like that.Your structure was ok but try to make your lines even.And everything else was ok.This right here was a good piece to read just keep up the good work.Hope to see more from you soon homie.

    Distinct Advantage
    MIXTAPE IS OUT NOW
    [SOUNDCLICK]8054116[/SOUNDCLICK]

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