Life- Paranoid ft. Indeph

[Jawn Raw]

Sometimes you can fall, even as life started to get Better..
Anyway, even if the government wants that political Letter..
All you need is to make the right Decisions…
Just keep it on the real, feel for thoughs who have been Down..
Never be a hound, be a proper noun, prove your furious Sound..
Picturing the wonderful cinerary is my Visions…
Proceeding with empathy, you’ll never feel such bad Karma..
Inflicting pain gets you lost honor, that’s to much Drama..

Paranoid
Well I’m confused in this processing political Division
I’m lost pondering, having to choose a better Precision
Going wrong ways, I stand locked down in Frustration
I’d never start using meditation to ease my Temptation
Showing such unbelievable stress, I felt so Paranoid
Unable to avoid the politics, I was more then Annoyed
Stuck in this horrid place, I was considered a Disgrace
As they seen my face, they’d yell words in a fast Pace
I thought it was racism, I knew they needed Idealism
At least I show people the respect with my Realism
Seeing the facts, I prove myself as I’m never to Relax
I show such tactics, life is blown with my godly Axe
I hate people that think they know, I wish I was Fate
Then I’d create and fix the discrimination of all who Hate
People that think so erotic, to proceed on that Chronic
They’d always think there the best, they’re to Ironic
This generation of warfare, really puts people Down
A lot still call me a clown, there’s no good in my Frown
Why am I so hated, so frustrated, way to Temptated
I finish in a lower degree, never ever to be Nominated

Sometimes you can fall, even as life started to get Better..
Anyway, even if the government wants that political Letter..
All you need is to make the right Decisions…
Just keep it on the real, feel for thoughs who have been Down..
Never be a hound, be a proper noun, prove your furious Sound..
Picturing the wonderful cinerary is my Visions…
Proceeding with empathy, you’ll never feel such bad Karma..
Inflicting pain gets you lost honor, that’s to much Drama..

Indeph.
Crucial important fluids..,still movin and ample.
Tense structures in my back healed brewin a candle.
It all balances out on the milky way,my tempers' is feelin pain..
A moment,mental bruises'll heal,after twisted a million ways.
and it changes untill,the cycle arives comin back,when a crisis attack.
this is life as a craft.Boomerang ways,waves timely can raft.
your mind seeing beautiful images at the time that you die.
Like a God's wish.Similar to the mob hit.promises in the closet.
Life cannot invision a toxin,damages to your esafugus.
Isn't the biggest of problems.Life is spritual and physical.....
simple as a genesis topic.....the age of digitials stoppin........soon
prostitutes.... will be robots with boobs.....babies today is not the youth.
passed the proms and suits.Life is like juice at a constant boost.

Sometimes you can fall, even as life started to get Better..
Anyway, even if the government wants that political Letter..
All you need is to make the right Decisions…
Just keep it on the real, feel for thoughs who have been Down..
Never be a hound, be a proper noun, prove your furious Sound..
Picturing the wonderful cinerary is my Visions…
Proceeding with empathy, you’ll never feel such bad Karma..
Inflicting pain gets you lost honor, that’s to much Drama..

[Jawn Raw]

http://rapbattles.com/forum/showthre...=1#post2599304
http://rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=204382

[Jawn Raw]

come on leave feed please.

[Dan Dare]

Structure is very good, but that's not really what's important with an OM drop. Paranoid: your wording and your word choices were very haphazard. It wasn't a smooth read at all, in fact, it was poor in that respect. You had some good ideas, but I never felt like you developed this piece, into anything more than childish rhetoric. Indeph's verse was better, but I couldn't catch a rhythm, and it was a bit vague. Overall it was okay ... Could've been a lot better, but you'll learn. Peace.

[Edicius]

simple rhyming, simple vocab, and a simplistic story line
.. okay overall? dont agree on that
it had nothing really enjoyable ..
try re-wording things better..
up your vocab and lose the simple rhyme sheme
write with a more of a passion, dont just put words that rhyme on a pad.

[Jawn Raw]

thanks a lot for the feed.
im gonna practice that rhyme scheme.

uppin

[sILLable]

it was a simple piece....your topic was interesting....i didnt think you had a good rhyme scheme...i didnt think your verses were as good as they could be...need more complexity and versatility in your rhyme scheme....this piece had potential but it wasnt discovered...keep droppin and elevatin.~1~

P.S. that goes for both kats verses by tha way.

[Jawn Raw]

thanks a lot.

but how was the topic intresting its a simple topic Life and its played so much.

lol uppin

[Vicious Breed]

aight this was a nice piece but ur vocab wis basic...as was ur rhyme scheme and ur storyline
good structure and flow.. better wording with more advanced voacb would have helped this piece alot
but overall it was ok

[Jawn Raw]

^shut up. your just goin with what the vets said.

uppin

[Bold Point]

Chep Man Once Again Dope Piece Both Verses Was Good Here Both Came Good With Vocabulary Was Great, I Like The Emotion Here, The Imagery Was Decent, This Was One Of The Best Meaningful Pieces (Mine's Was The Best) Lols Just Kidding....And Paranoid GoodShit But You Have Always Came With Some Good Shit So Have You Indeph Man Good Shit Both Of You Nice Job With It

Indeph RTF Both Links In My Sig Please

[Jawn Raw]

thanks a lot man, i'd like to hear ya audios man

uppin

drop links