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Thread: Lonely

  1. February 14th, 2005, 11:25 PM #1
    Kaotic Theory
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    Lonely

    it's a cold night, with a full moon
    off in the distance...
    villagers play a friendly tune
    as i set here.....
    gazing upon the stars
    wondering....
    what awaits me in the future
    i shall....
    find out as i grow old
    but im scared....
    for in this world, i am a lonely soul
    just waiting....
    to meet my life time partner
    will it be here.....
    on this island of happiness?
    or maybe...
    in a communtity, where the city never sleeps
    as i think deep...
    knowing my loved ones watch over me
    every step i make....
    someones with me every breath i take
    but...
    life for me has yet to even start
    as i know....
    somewhere out there, someone posesses my heart
    Last edited by Kaotic Theory; February 14th, 2005 at 11:28 PM
    AI

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  2. February 14th, 2005, 11:59 PM #2
    Mesmerize
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    Very nice drop for a quick key kaotic. You had some great imagery in this. I liked the style you took with it. It was very simplistic yet beautiful, i loved how you ended it as well. I found myself feeling what you were feeling in this. Its always good to read something you can relate too. Beautiful stuff as always. keep at it buddy.

    peace,
    Mez
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  3. February 15th, 2005, 12:18 AM #3
    2hot2handle
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    That was good. definetly feeling that. this stuff is what I try to spit in my open mics. I felt every word you said and im glad that im not the only one not feelin like this. I liked the italics then goin on with the poem. it had a slow tune and that was nice. Good job man.keep at it and thanks for postin that.

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    "I look to a day when people will not be judged by the color of their skin, but by the content of their character."

    - Martin Luther King Jr.


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    View this from last year^
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  4. February 15th, 2005, 12:25 AM #4
    Laureate
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    A decent little drop here...nothin overly complex...didnt really make you think...
    but it was a coo key....sumthin a girl would like...would make a good valentines card poem...keep it up
    A few achievements here and there

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  5. February 15th, 2005, 12:26 AM #5
    un_conscious_one
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    i liked three aspects of this piece

    1- the progression in thought was nice
    2- life for me has yet to even start... ----- thougt i think you oculd have ended and let the reader figure out what you meant, it would add a sort of cpmplexion o the piece i think
    3- also i think in the middle itd be nice to add more twoards "where" the different possiblties is of meeting your partner, and perhaps why.

    only thing that might need work on in this piece is word choice and rearranging maybe.

    anyway nice piece for a quick one,

    pz.
    Last edited by un_conscious_one; February 15th, 2005 at 12:28 AM
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  6. February 17th, 2005, 12:57 AM #6
    Kaotic Theory
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    upping
    AI

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  7. February 17th, 2005, 06:45 AM #7
    p O e T i Q u E
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    i liked it. It was simplistic but beautiful at the same time. Keep dropping!
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  8. February 17th, 2005, 09:54 PM #8
    Kaotic Theory
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    ^^^^^pathetic 1 line feedbackers

    upping
    AI

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