"untitled"

[JustInsane]

im writtin a master plan/
to cast this man to a vaster land/
cause here im sinkin quik in the fastest sand/
the gov't smacks me like a dad/
but im a bastard man/
so with this bastard hand im scripptin the baddest plan/
akin strength from the hair that samson had/
until my casket land/
spit flame from my grave and burn like casper had a tan/
im a tear apart these lands from this dirt and grass/
to the ice caps and then the sands of afghanistan/
time to rebuild a world on truth/
but what is truth when everybody lies to the youth/
and the youth get so used to the falsified truth/
they pass on these true lies/
to the unknowing eyes of their seed and wives/
but then again what are eyes when were easily struck blind/
and if u overcome being blind u only come to find/less truth more lies and more crime/i intertwine/100% genuine facts of early time/along w/the teachings of the older and the wise/just to find an equilibrium to find a balance/between the soft fibs and the truth becoming calloused/to find a balance/between the soundless and the loudest/its always pouring rain ever will the clouds lift/and can i down shift/to enjoy the sun shine from the sunrise on th horizon/or is it always a bad moon risin/its not surprisin that my mind notmindin/what im findins not surprisin/it all ties in to when i sin/never findin time out only time in/still ignorin all the sirens hopin i win/keepin my focus usin my my pen/cuz some shine tends to make ur mind bend/my rhymes send integrity like ur eyes read can never lie then/ im never bought and ur never buyin/but i must keep respect fpr he who keps tryin/

[dtwisted]

im writtin a master plan/
to cast this man to a vaster land/
cause here im sinkin quik in the fastest sand/
the gov't smacks me like a dad/
but im a bastard man/
so with this bastard hand im scripptin the baddest plan/
akin strength from the hair that samson had/
until my casket land/
spit flame from my grave and burn like casper had a tan/
im a tear apart these lands from this dirt and grass/
to the ice caps and then the sands of afghanistan/
time to rebuild a world on truth/
but what is truth when everybody lies to the youth/
and the youth get so used to the falsified truth/
they pass on these true lies/
to the unknowing eyes of their seed and wives/
but then again what are eyes when were easily struck blind/
and if u overcome being blind u only come to find/less truth more lies and more crime/i intertwine/100% genuine facts of early time/along w/the teachings of the older and the wise/just to find an equilibrium to find a balance/between the soft fibs and the truth becoming calloused/to find a balance/between the soundless and the loudest/its always pouring rain ever will the clouds lift/and can i down shift/to enjoy the sun shine from the sunrise on th horizon/or is it always a bad moon risin/its not surprisin that my mind notmindin/what im findins not surprisin/it all ties in to when i sin/never findin time out only time in/still ignorin all the sirens hopin i win/keepin my focus usin my my pen/cuz some shine tends to make ur mind bend/my rhymes send integrity like ur eyes read can never lie then/ im never bought and ur never buyin/but i must keep respect fpr he who keps tryin/

thought the structer could have had a little bit more work put into it but the rhyme scheme and flow was nice which is all that really matters in my oppinion so over all this was a good piece so dont stop droppin shit aight man, peace

[dtwisted]

im writtin a master plan/
to cast this man to a vaster land/
cause here im sinkin quik in the fastest sand/
the gov't smacks me like a dad/
but im a bastard man/
so with this bastard hand im scripptin the baddest plan/
akin strength from the hair that samson had/
until my casket land/
spit flame from my grave and burn like casper had a tan/
im a tear apart these lands from this dirt and grass/
to the ice caps and then the sands of afghanistan/
time to rebuild a world on truth/
but what is truth when everybody lies to the youth/
and the youth get so used to the falsified truth/
they pass on these true lies/
to the unknowing eyes of their seed and wives/
but then again what are eyes when were easily struck blind/
and if u overcome being blind u only come to find/less truth more lies and more crime/i intertwine/100% genuine facts of early time/along w/the teachings of the older and the wise/just to find an equilibrium to find a balance/between the soft fibs and the truth becoming calloused/to find a balance/between the soundless and the loudest/its always pouring rain ever will the clouds lift/and can i down shift/to enjoy the sun shine from the sunrise on th horizon/or is it always a bad moon risin/its not surprisin that my mind notmindin/what im findins not surprisin/it all ties in to when i sin/never findin time out only time in/still ignorin all the sirens hopin i win/keepin my focus usin my my pen/cuz some shine tends to make ur mind bend/my rhymes send integrity like ur eyes read can never lie then/ im never bought and ur never buyin/but i must keep respect fpr he who keps tryin/

stucter was good i thought it was a little choppy towards the end so no big deal the rhyme scheme was good and it had a good flow to it i liked the imagry that you put into it so over all this was a good piece so keep up the good work and i look forward to reading more pieces by you keep droppin shit hommie, peace

[CrazyCarl]

Nice first post. You had some good lines in the second half. The first part had uneven lines that you could have edited to be more uniform. You had good vocab, and some nice concepts towards the end.
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http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=168531

[lyrically_insane]

pretty tight drop for it to be the first.....structure wasnt all that bad but it started to fall during the end.....your rhyming was aight just try to use more multies.......keep elevating dawg and youll be a sick emcee!!!

[Mistral]

You need to leave 2 links to 2 open mics that you left decent feedback on or this gets closed, Thanks.