death note

[guererouscg]

Dear mama please forgive me, but its time that I die,
before I cry, I close my eyes and hope I'm reached by my god.
I gotta go but here's a message for you to repeat to the others,
to my sista believe I'll miss ya, stay in peace with our brothers,
To my pop this is what you would have got, If only I could trust ya,
never asked nor did I care that you were never there, man fuck ya!
for my homies on the block, mother fuck the cops,
they just a clan with out the locks to they motherfucking glocks.
just badgering young brothers and poor black mothers.
how could you treat us the same cracked fuckers and then tell us you love us?
Mr. George W. Bush a.k.a. mr fuck the world
you looking for children to fight your war why don't you send your two little girls?
Time to go now and be in peace with no breath,
hopefully I teach a lesson to these peeps with my death!!!

[Lay Doubt.]

eh. this was alright. it didn't really stay focused. you went onto George W. Bush and it seemed like it didn't belong there. kinda random and out of nowhere. your structure was decent & your flow was also. it was a good concept, but i don't understand why the person had to die. it didn't keep me interested really. i can't quite place a finger on it.. but it just didn't. overall, this was a mediocre drop. keep elevating and writing.

[Young BoE]

Agree'd this was ight. I liked the topic, but the way it was written was crappy. need to up ya vocab, and then you'll get better rhymes. Keep writting about solid subjects like this and you'll be good sooner or later.

[CrazyCarl]

This could have been better if you stayed more on topic, maybe went into more detail. Flow was alright, some lines were a little stretched though.

[Chronic Cancer]

yo....

i agree with all of ya'll........it kinda scared me which i have no idea why.....keep it up.....

[Mistral]

You need to leave 2 links to 2 open mics that you left decent feedback on or this gets closed, Thanks.