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Last edited by Neruda II; January 17th, 2005 at 03:32 PM
murder murder
Nothing exceptional from you, Sharp.
I read the first verse when you showed me it a few weeks ago and liked it. Very vivid imagery throughout until the second last stanaz where it became more bland when your rhyme scheme changed to more of an Open Mic. Last verse was better though.
Good flow and sound from this. I like the way of how you started this:
"Chunks of vomit are spewed from my mouth into a rusty bowl,
The foul stench of blood fills my nose and I vomit more....
I collapse on the floor and my attention turns from pain to gore.
I am the devil's whore with a soul covered in grotesque sores."
I thought that intrigued me, but the plot wasn't as good as this dictates it could be. Always write like it was your last piece. Keep it up, Peace.
can I kick it?
More feedback?
What if I say please?
murder murder
ya i like the feedback from spoken......but its kind of nasty about the lyrics in his feedback
"ya i see you nigguhs mean muggin on poarches, unload that clip and watch em scatter like roaches"
ima foo wit it! girl gimme dat pussy i kno wut to do wit it!
I AINT NO BITCH!
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