shit ive seen

[Ill Game]

ay listen u aint seen shit i have "grab ur glock young nigga" that what they say on my ave. the other day seen my best friend turn to dealing like i said cant compare to shit ive seen my pops throwing up blood niggas pushing me in mud, the shit ive seen. dead bodies at block parties niggas asking god to part-seas they fake g's compared to me wont even begin to see my rage im a animal trapped in a cage looking at a good guy nigga u on the wrong page
of da book cuz im a crook and my rymhes make sense like they got a job aint no time for me to sob always got shit to do and still my raps will split through u and come out the other side im from the dark side as tough as a raw hide get so high when im not i still glide niggas can kill my whole crew ill be standing with my pride when i fuck a bitch they never ask me to cum inside they dont want my seed my greed dont wanna be assosiated with me or my faimly the shit ive seen

[Ill Game]

ay will someone tell me what they think of this thanks

[Incineratedrose]

dont use "they fake g's compared to me" again, dont try to act all thug and crap thats annoying...
"of da book cuz im a crook and my rymhes make sense like they got a job"
^WTF? ur rhymes have a job? umm ok...

and also, you messed up the lines, they need to be like so...

cant compare to ...shit ive seen...
my pops throwing up blood
niggas pushing me in mud,
...the shit ive seen. ..

that would of been a wee bit better because its just like a big block of text and i dont know where the rhyming begins and ends.

[Mistral]

You need to leave 2 links to 2 open mics that you left decent feedback on or this gets closed, Thanks.

Like i said in the last one, structure it better, paragraph form just doesnt do it for most people you know, line on top of line and even line length and you should have the flow down, not too much into the gangster raps but every now and then its good to read one ...overall its alright.

[djb]

yeah i had trouble reading this there was no puncutuation in the second paragraph. i got lost several times and struggled to find the flow again. stay up and keep writing you will come around.