Topical Battle
Due By End Of Monday
10-20 Lines Max
JugUhKnot1: give me a topical battle topic please
supathug818: hmmm
supathug818: Unwanted Passenger
Topic- Unwanted Passenger
Topical Battle
Due By End Of Monday
10-20 Lines Max
JugUhKnot1: give me a topical battle topic please
supathug818: hmmm
supathug818: Unwanted Passenger
Topic- Unwanted Passenger
To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 50 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.
Aight...This is my Check in...verse'll be up on monday..
....Peace....
To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 50 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.
checkin in...g'luck Tactixx
A few achievements here and there
To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 50 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.
..................Unwanted Passengers................
4th Precinct: District 11: Sept.19th/2003-Police Incident Report:
"So can you tell us in your own words, what happened that day?"
I was driving on I-95, Shane, Jay, And Rick were all inside
Volume was high, when an oncoming Semi veered off to the side
we collided and after the horrific impact it happened so fast
the car landed with a crash and my whole life flashed passed
I was struggling for breath, but it was slow and thin though
undid my seatbelt and tried to drag myself out of the window
My car upside down, I see Jay and instantly I feel the doubt
Pulled his arms, but to my horror only his top half came out
I tried to shout, choked with tears and blood, my head hung
then I notice a large metal shard protruding from Ricks lung
Blood stained his lips and tounge, he was nailed to his seat
we used to play together when we were young, how can this be?
Beyond belief, I regain my senses and start to look for Shane
looked around the car and saw something slumped 30 feet away
I began to pray and as I walked over and got a little closer
I stop dead and collapsed when I saw him skewered on a boulder
His face expressionless, I neglect to reflect on what Ive lost
Three Unwanted passengers, who unwillingly had to pay the cost
To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 50 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.
Unwanted passengers
10/15/03
Dear Journal,
Smooth Dialect removed neglect as we gazed eye to eye
I met beauty at a bar, I was in awe as I passed her by
Bought her a few drinks, as we made simple small talk
Saw her eyes bloodshot and glazed so we wnt for a short walk
Stumbled hand in hand towards my rusty ride, helped her enter the side
Drove slowly back to my place, as i made up constant lies
The passenger next to me, we wanted eachother we concurred
But unknown to me at the time, were unwanted passengers in her
Invisible to the naked eye, but ever present swirling lazily inside
Viruses infecting waiting to spread to desperate unawear guys
Protection never crossed our minds as we slipped off our clothes
Did out thing on the couch then passed out in my brothers home
She was gone the next day, but her mark was there to stay
Thought it was a cold until my doctor shifted fun into dismay
5/3/04
Fuck you journal,
"You have HIV" is what the doc told me, And I know theres no antidote
Tears swelled in my eyes as wishes for life evaporated with all hope
A hitch hiking disease will soon free me from total identity
As my symptoms grow worse and the disease takes control of me
I know all blame is mine, but I'm still depressed when I first learned
My insides are slowly deteriating, because of unwated passengers
A few achievements here and there
To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 50 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.
uppin
A few achievements here and there
To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 50 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.
Up....#1...
Leave a link...
..peace..
To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 50 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.
hit this up guys...
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?=129571
nice work gents....not bad from either
i liked both verses, but i was just feelin' lyric's slightly more..
Tac you did have some nice imagery...this line
was especially dope....
My car upside down, I see Jay and instantly I feel the doubt
Pulled his arms, but to my horror only his top half came out
and yer flow/structure was good in all, but...
to me it seemed that you didnt expand much on the topic
and it just wasn't that intresting...
Lyric, u also had good imagery and
nice flow/structure to boot...but
i really think that your take on the topic
and slightly better use of creativity
is what helped you edged this one out...
plus i thought your piece progressed a little smoother
whereas Tac's end kinnda abruptly...
close battle...not an easy decision, but...
v/ Lyric
overall a close battle
...
Uppin.....2...
Drop an honest vote and leave a link.....
Thanx....Peace....
To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 50 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.
....uppin....vote!
leave a link and Ill reply to it.....
Thanx....peace...
To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 50 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.
*sigh*.....Someone drop an honest vote?
Leave a link...Ill return the favor...
...thanx...peace..
To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 50 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.
What he^ said.....drop an honest vote and a link....
A few achievements here and there
To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 50 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.
Tactixx- I was feeling your verse man. It was really gruesome..but something seemed..."real" about the way you conveyed emotion and the scenario. You had some damn nice imagery. Not overly complex vocabulary, but it worked here...
Lyric- Your verse was also good. I felt that it was a bit slow to pick up..with some sketchy lines here and there, but it all pulled together nicely for the conclusion. Some ok imagery, good emotions conveyed. Extremely unique take on the topic...I was feeling the end the most..
This was a tough battle..both of you were good for different reasons. In the end though, i'm going to give it to Lyric..simply because he took a more unique stab at the topic. Having said that, you both came dope.
Very dope topical battle... props to both
Tactixx - Yours was extremely well done... the imagery was amazing, and I could picture the whole scene in my head while reading... your one of the few writers I've seen in awhile who uses consistent multies, so props... Your story was well told, and there was alot of emotion while the guy reflected on his childhood friends and the accident and such.. the only thing I think you need to work on is creativity.. the passenger thing was kinda unoriginal, since you were talking about a car accident... otherwise, top stuff
Lyric - Dope... your flow was virtually perfect and you had a great vocabulary in this piece... I didn't like the general flow of the story, but the imagery was great, especially when describing the actions and the disease... You didn't have as much emotion as Tactixx, but you took a more creative approach so props for that...
Basically, it comes down to which was more creative... Because relying simply on the lyrics, you were both equal
v/ Lyric
Props to both... keep up the amazing work!