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Thread: Corupted Visions - Mirror

  1. February 5th, 2004, 09:59 PM #1
    Topic
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    Corupted Visions - Mirror

    Mirror

    Im reading tips, on how to improve my social mentality
    cuz' lookin good, is out of my mind..and capabuility
    my stability, others good looks, really makes me jealous
    im allways the discoureged 1, after hangin out with the fellas
    you dont know me, but when i post a picture, they say...
    great personality
    i mean thats gotta mean something...
    when theyve never hurd me speak
    im fucked up literaly, ide be happy if i had blown off knees
    still bleeding, so views wouled be more interested in that then me
    im self concious of my looks and my attitude, theres no cure
    Ive never been satisfied since the day i looked in the mirror
    and my girlfriend, im nervous, and sweaty whenever i see her
    dont know why after 1 year shes still with me, ive seen a mirror
    Scytsophrenia
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  2. February 5th, 2004, 10:14 PM #2
    f-gee
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    u have the ingrediants of a good writer
    content was good to read..
    but you need to work on piecing it together and rhyming better
    best advice is to keep writing and read other open mics
    You need Ghost Dog in your DVD collection


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    it's a bold statement - the new youtube
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  3. February 6th, 2004, 12:40 AM #3
    Penskills
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    This wa sshort and nice...and I agree with ^...you do have the formula for a good writer..keep at it..this piece had a good content..but your presentation wasn't all that great..peace...~click my sig...read...II...
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  4. February 6th, 2004, 06:48 AM #4
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    thanx guys, will someone explain to me how to peice things together better..i dont really understand....
    Scytsophrenia
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  5. February 6th, 2004, 01:52 PM #5
    Mistral
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    This was pretty good here man...the content in this was good, i liked it...kinda short though but it was still nice....You are elevating nicely i think man, keep doing it ....overall a good piece, made a nice short read....keep at it.
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  6. February 6th, 2004, 01:54 PM #6
    FanTa ZeE
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    short but oh so heart felt, and Topic, don't be self concious, although i haven't seen what you look like, i'm sure your gorgeous, and even if you look like a road traffic accident, i'll still love you for what you are, because to me you seem like an amazing person..your a funny guy, and a good writer..and you always have my support, i ain't the best looking, but screw it, i never will be..don't bother me.
    Def Poets
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  7. February 6th, 2004, 05:50 PM #7
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    lol wow, i do have a girlfriend and we have been together for a yr so i cant be hideous, but i do have a good personality as most say lol. Thanx Fanta, your so nice..and im sure your beautiful
    Scytsophrenia
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  8. February 6th, 2004, 07:24 PM #8
    Endeva.
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    from the first drops i read of your to this, there is quite a bit of improvement, its more complex and fits better, it could be smoother, but keep working on it.... its getting there..... your vocab was nice... all in all decent read
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  9. February 7th, 2004, 01:13 PM #9
    FanTa ZeE
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    thanks Topic..you are lovely!
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  10. February 7th, 2004, 04:35 PM #10
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    thanx guys uppin
    Scytsophrenia
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  11. February 7th, 2004, 04:53 PM #11
    Chris Black
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    I really liked the feeling in this piece. It was an easy and enjoyable read. The onlt thing i would say to work on is rhymes. Besides that, it was a decent drop. Keep droping them shits man.

    Please drop feedback here:
    http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=112603
    Hence Forward
    axis powers
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