LLL Week 2 Magazine: The Legends Return
Introduction
Yoooo so we had a pretty solid first week in the LLL, a few no shows but that’s to be expected especially in the first week. No worries though, the fagits were weeded out and these week 2 battles I have planned are sure to appease the audience. A lot of different variations of styles so far and I love it, it’s refreshing to see. Props to everyone who showed up to their battle, and BIG PROPS to everyone who dropped votes (especially the new sign ins who voted). This league definitely won’t survive without all of us doing our part, so I definitely appreciate that. Also have some big name sign ins this week: Orc, Cred, Blue Bayou, Mimic, and Joe Boston. Look for these guys to definitely show out and make a big impact here!
Interview with Chrit.
1. What’s up Chrit, it’s been a while since we’ve seen your name on here - actually it’s been a while since we’ve seen any names on here lol. The site recently became active again, what’s it like for you to randomly log in one day and see a bunch of shit poppin off on the site? Think you’ll stay for a while?
—Blame Cry. He Facebook stalked me and sent me some long copy and paste message about the site still being around. So, I logged in and actually remembered my password, so here I fucking am. I'll stick around as long as I'm bored and as long as there is a decent level of activity. Its either this or Scientology, and I'm not a Tom Cruise fan.
2. Most of us know you have a pretty lengthy history on the site, both modding and battling. How do you think you’ll fare with the new cast here, and are you gay or do you by chance like trannies?
—It'll all depend on the preferences here. If you rough putters are more into giant brazilian trannies, I may not do as well. But if you prefer much more passable Bangkok ladyboys, we'll get along just fine.
3. Your week 1 sign up seemed to have sparked a trend of some otherdope check ins, such as Orc, Cred, and Blue Bayou. Are you familiar with any of these guys? How do you feel you rank amongst them?
—I still remember a few fun battles with Blue. I think we had one in the finals in one of the tourneys here. Dude is witty and a solid writer. Orc and Cred sound familiar but I dont remember detail. Its like going back to your high school reunion and being expected to remember the kid who ate paste.
4. Is there anyone in the league who you feel is a threat to you text wise? Or anyone you think might be some steep competition, should you face off against them?
—Blue is going to be a motherfucker. Other than that, I haven't read enough to really know the potential of some of ya'll kunckle dragging troglodytes. I'm sure I'll be surprised at some point... but that would also require giving a partial shit.
5. Place these categories in order of importance from greatest to least: WORDPLAY, PERSONALS, JOKES, GUN BARS.
—Yeah, no. There is no hierarchy of importance there. A good punch is a good punch. Wording is more important than all of those combined. You can have the greatest concept ever (which could be any of the above), but without making it read coherently, you're a fuckball.
6. That’ll just about sum it up for this weeks segment, any last minute shoutouts you’d like to give?
—Absolutely. I want to begin by giving all glory to science. Without it, I wouldn't be here today. Also, big shoutout to Quest Nutrition's frosted protein cookies - birthday cake flavor. Oh, and titties.
Battle Reviews
Week 1: Zunto (0-0) vs. Mac. (0-0) by Fracture
Solid little battle here. Zunto had some nice punches with the easy Mac, and town drunk. Other than that, everything else was ok - but no misses. I think what really does it for Zunto is his wording and execution. Mac had a couple of decent bars too, definitely some nice ideas but he seems to have some trouble finishing the bars off. Either way, Zunto took this one pretty easily.
Week 1: Phalanx (0-0) vs. Echelon (0-0)
Kind of a bye week for Phalanx here, didn’t really need to flex in order to win it. Echelon da gawd came with the usual fire and absolutely destroyed my soul. Love reading his verses but he’s never gonna win a battle. IM PUTTIN GOLD IN A BOX!
Week 1: Ryno (0-0) vs. malediction (0-0)
Unfortunately, here was another battle where one person didn’t really need to flex in order to win - but some week 1 sacrifices needed to be made. Max steel and RKO were dope bars from Ryno. Malediction needs to read some archives and get an idea of what’s good and what’s not. After 15 or so battles you’d think he’d start getting the picture..
Week 1: Fresh (0-0) vs. Bahriman (0-0)
Fresh dropped a pretty nice verse here and outclasses Bahriman in a clean KO. Freshs first two bars were solid and pretty much everything was at least decent. Bahriman usually drops pretty good in his battles but was lacking content in this one, I’ve no doubt he’ll do better next week.
No-Show Shine
Props to these two gents who dropped a verse against a no showing opponent. We showed them some love in the feedback, and we’ll show them some more here!
Cody Nash (vs. Smash)
Look dweeb, look at your history... No one’s threatened or rattled
If I had a list of worries…it’s that you showed up to more sign in threads than your battles
His reputation is settled, I ain’t buyin’ it…I think that Smash don’t know enough
it’s funny you refer to yourself as DA GAWD and got less than a 50% chance of showing up
Thinks he’s a big green monster, says he’s 6’2” - but he don’t want me to try him
Cuz in his case, when I Hulk smash…it’ll be legendary like I’m droppin’ Andre the giant
Just a supersized faggot, check the logs, his whole track record got potholes
Why Zunto still tryna smash? dude less known for showin up than grindr dates at McDonalds
To win? He’d have to be forcing the voters..cuz yo, this game isn’t over
But if I smash on the buttons… it’s cause I’m known to break the controllers
Guess what y’all? I’m an admin now…and as my first act? I’m wasting it
I could administer shots to his shoulders…and he’d just cry like I vaccinated him
Chrit. (vs. KnoXville.)
This Jackass dumb with no clout. I'm always fly n crush clowns
Speed through this Knoxville while he takes the Ryan Dunn route
My guns are big but you little, solid strong and you brittle
So I'ma snap this pencil neck n leave some lead in the middle
You think its a game? I bomb freaks, hit ya girl with the long reach
She steady playin Tetris, And me? I'm bringing the long piece
Make him choke, then bet he gone. Leave no evidence to be stressin, dog
When I coupe da Ville in a garage, itll be like he left the engine on
This guys a bum, fight or run, this tiny guy is done
If I gave this tardigrade, i'd rank his brain the size of one
Run up n this fatty is rattled. This chubby sped'll get battered,
Knox like 'I'm a Slim 400' n I'll make sure he's as dead as the rapper
Its the feature presentation, no sequel, my duty is offin' this faggot
Who blew dick more blatant than the movie with Dr Manhattan
I'm saying you're gay. Aint a charade, in the end you enjoy dudes
cause when it comes to hard Knox its in reaction to boys schools
Throwback Battle
GUDELJ vs. Blue Bayou
GUDELJ
Blue a vet? Bro pls.. I got just the thing to expose this old geek
Then he’ll wanna Sudafed only because he’s been on a cold streak
U’ll get fukn wrecked. I bang chopper after chopper like triple X
Then the ratchet’ll have ur guts all over the pole like stripper sex
Pull up to ur crib w/ killaz. U claimed u were rdy but I knw u were bluffin
the whole crew rides deep blue, see? I’ll have my sharks eat u for nothin
My hoes ready to squeeze. All I gta do is relay the text
Then it’s the Nina.. going off in ur face like an angry ex!
I’ll take yo girl, she’s the target. Whips fly, iono where to park it
Street nigga w/o Abu, rdy to sweep ur princess off her feet like a magic carpet
BIG GUNS. I let it go and watch the heat soar
Unique roar.. then the machine turns into an animal like beast wars
You date the nastiest of whores, my bros run trains & lay pipe
Bro, that hoes been gettin tagged so much we started callin her Amens wife
I’m In the whip w/ my gang & we thump. U a lame w/ no game - u a punk..
Blow the brains out this chump. Elephant shooters.. they’ll let it spray frm the trunk!
vs.
Blue Bayou
aka Zelph
aka For Battling
Excuse me officer...
.
.
guys a shy pre-cumming virgin that'll NEVER get to hump w/ a rocket..
soon as a bitch says Hey...Zel Nuts in his pants & he ainttt got none in his pocket
not a pro with the flames, you screwed ur partner & ya flow is to blame..
dunno why Aerated u high cuz that 1st round exit ‘Exposed the Holes’ in ur Game
^ tryna hype ya Cavs line boyyy the lines that u say are shit..
the GOAT let down by his teammate.. NOW we’re realllllly talkin J R Smith
wont quote em hes wack, drops shit this battle's over it's FACT..
i don't think this Piglatin but his wordings so bad u'd SWEAR he wrote it in that
aim the haymakers at ur dome while i beast these lines..
& while i'm bombing with Rights all your bitch ass can do is READ me mine
you're bitchmade but i'll have Shotty's loaded in the van incase..
cuz i'll admit, when it pops-off ur the first one Sprayin'….. a can of Mace
his girl dumped his broke ass many times & stays laughing at em now..
not only does she keep giving Forclosure.. the same things happened to his house
got burners in both hands aimed high & low w/ dead precision..
so when i ‘Draw the Line, there's Two-Dots’ guaranteed to give ya head Division
& you wanna be 'Flo Real' now?! i swear i'll put this herb in a hurse..
cuz i already smashed the real 1 & wont lose to an imposter whose wording is worse
WINNER: GUDELJ
Top Punches (IN NO ORDER)
Originally Posted by Ryno
WTF Bars of the Week
Week 2 Predictions
Week 2: Phalanx (1-0) vs. Joe Boston (0-0)
Phalanx had an easy week 1 win against the dragon, but now he gets a tougher opponent who recently returned. That’s right folks, JOE BOSTON IS BACK! Really wasn’t sure whether or not I’d see him back here again but I’m glad he signed in. I’m sure he’s a little rusty but this should make for a good battle. I have Phalanx 65/35
Week 2: Justice Grimm (1-0) vs. Mimic (0-0)
JG had a no show win last week on an opponent who was likely to no show as it was. I haven’t had a chance to see what he’s capable of yet but I’m looking forward to it. This week he’ll have a tougher opponent who he’ll have to really prepare for. Mimic is an old head who is known to bring dopeness to battles, both text and audio. I’m hoping he shows, and if he does - this is sure to be a nice battle. Could be close, but I’m edging it to Mimic 55/45.
Week 2: Fresh (1-0) vs. Sting3r (0-0)
Fresh had a nice win against Bahriman last week, with a pretty solid verse. Interesting how he took an L from malediction in the 1-2 but beat an actual good opponent in the LLL lol. I’m not sure who Sting3r is but I’m hoping he shows up and provides some good material. Good luck to both, but I have Fresh 65/35.
Week 2: Ryno (1-0) vs. Blue Bayou (0-0)
Ryno had an easy win last week against malfunction, but this week might not be as easy. Blue Bayou recently checked in, and while I’m not sure just yet if it’s to troll or drop serious, I’m hoping we see some good bars. Ryno is going to have to bring his A game if he wants to win this one. Blue is usually on point and delivers home runs in each battle he’s in, so I’m guessing that’ll happen here. This might be closer than expected, but I’m going Blue Bayou 60/40
Week 2: Cody Nash (1-0) vs. Cred (0-0)
Nash was another one who had a no show win last week, unfortunately. He probably would’ve beaten Smash if he had shown, guess we’ll never know lol. Cred is a gunbar heavy battler who has dropped some of the best bars on Netcees as well as RB. He is known for signing into shit then no showing, but judging by how he dropped a bunch of votes - I think he’ll show. This one could be close if Nash drops his best, he might need to, but I have Cred taking this one. Cred 60/40
Week 2: Chrit. (1-0) vs. Orc (0-0)
This one right here has allllllll the potential in the world to be BOTW. Chrit dropped a helluva verse in week 1 against a no showing KnoXville, and the audience definitely agrees. Chrit doesn’t seem to have any rust holding him back, but he’s going to need to step it up a notch against the legend that is Orc. Orc always drops nice, regardless the opponent. My only concern is him actually showing up to this, but I’m hoping he is. This one can literally be anyone’s call, but I’m gonna give it to the boy. Orc 51/49
Week 2: Mac. (0-1) vs. Echelon (0-1)
Mac came up short against Zunto in week 1 but he’ll look to rebound against a much easier opponent this week. Mac always has the right ideas and endless creative concepts, he just has to perfect his delivery/wording and he’ll be a monster. Echelon/Sinacog is a fan favorite as far as comedic relief goes, but I doubt he’ll be able to beat Mac here. Mac. 90/10
Week 2: Bahriman (0-1) vs. malediction (0-1)
Bahriman wasn’t able to pull it off against Fresh week, but has an easier opponent this go around. Oddly enough, malediction just beat Fresh in the 1-2 punch which I think was a fluke but we’ll see. Malediction is a solid dude who is dropping votes and showing to his battles, so I can’t hate on em. This will be another tough battle for malediction. Bahriman 70/30
Week 2: Allen Knight (0-0) vs. plethora (0-0)
This has all the potential in the world to be BOTW. Something tells me plethora signed in JUST because Allen did. Literally one right after the other. Maybe some tension there? Idk, but I’m eager to see what happens. This one should be dope af. Could definitely go either way but I’m going with Allen Knight 55/45
Outro
That’s all folks, the league is rapidly growing in size and is showing no signs of defeat. Till next time..
- - - Updated - - -
@malediction @Bahriman @Ryno @Blue Bayou @Chrit. @Orc @Mac. @Echelon @Justice Grimm @Mimic @Phalanx @Joe Boston @Cody Nash @Cred @Allen Knight @plethora @Baron X @Fresh @Sting3r
