A Disciple's Thread

[$pitacular]

You have a lot of passion. That comes from pain.

[A Disciple]

@the_real_spit yeah and unfortunately but writing is how I channel it!

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And crafts and hair and making things pretty

[$pitacular]

Writing saved my life

[Lay Doubt.]

Writing saved my life

Same, 100%

[Soule]

Porn saved mine

[A Disciple]

@Spitacular @Soule @laydought

How so guys?

[Soule]

All my anger and frustration is taken out in a healthy and legal manner thanks to pornography.

[A Disciple]

Letter to my nephew

Pls Lord…
No nightmares
Just delusions and stares
You are not alone
TiTi will always be there
In ways you think back to when I was somewhat aware
But beware…
If ever you need a reason
I pray you know winter is my season
I’ll send the easy and also the worst
But good things can come from the gift and the curse
You military now
I’m beyond proud like wow
And I wish I can could or couldn’t say what was true?
Dead roses… I really feel that song too
Dead roses…
Wish I could remember which song of biggies you laughed too
Then was cracking up cause I said fuck you
I think you were like 5 too
Dang I wish my mom didn’t tell me we on brinks of war too
One direction you choose
Can lead you to lose
But in giving it your all making pride of that fight
Don’t fuck it up like we did not knowing how to channel it right
It’s A’ight
Love you… dead roses - do you have another song I should listen to?

[A Disciple]

To: Peaceful Crazy

I get in the car
Seat straight up
Nah he was chillen with his son
Dead up
5 weeks he been treating me a different way
The only disrespect I ever did towards him was coke anyway
But nah he still swear that I play
He said I played him for the last time
But i never talked bad or cheated on him once
But while Im getting treated with a glass of red wine
He out hanging with them cunts
Sweat… go around heat you gonna sweat
Or is that menopause at 44 cause I never get what I want to get
Besides being a vet
I’m not going to let him fall or let him get hit
But who the fuck he think I am he wouldn’t put up with the same shit one bit
I guess the site be my day 3s
Day 1 to day 2s? I’ll stick with the team that’s making money… this ish not funny
Yo I’m not happy… he not happy
With what’s left our life that’s the least we should get
And I’m telling you all right now if anyone is purposely interfering
You really gonna see me flip
(Like never before)
So let that sink in before you call war
Whore…
DRAFT

[A Disciple]

To: Death Before Dishonor



Sometimes I wish I was a wolf…

Not even my mom wanna see me completely sober she said I can smoke weed
Cause I’m viscous sober… my heart just won’t bleed
On the day I die… I hope I make it in and back out of heaven
My siren was 7
I lost my uncle, I lost my dad, but I refuse to lose J too cause she one of the realest friends I ever had
Please!!!!!
Nobody ever told me or taught me shit about some “game”
My father was so vested he took it to his grave the same
No disrespect dad but I’m not a pussy
I’m not gonna allow these mother fuckers to push me
Never got into pills, never my vice
But I like coke A LOT and need some advice…
“Why this all night money making that got me out of touch” ain’t made me shit yet?
And let me find out my life was put on some hits bet
Hey yo AZ you promised it’s goes to wifeys… that would be me and D
Driven in my ac, summer breeze, no hate, no drama, just wild and free

(((GHOST)))

Damn that’s where I would’ve been if I didn’t go straight?
Hey life’s about the performance not duration - now I lost my faith
Dishonor - what’s dishonor?
What would dishonor be?
Lying and covering things up then trying to blame me
Snitching cause you not man enough to do the crime or the time
Then you say you way out in mine?
Nickel you lying
No clue how Gods promise to everyone got taken from me
All that did was put me thru 9x insanity
And make me really angry
I’d never wear a wire, or give in to fire
And what you got you see
Nobody’s perfect but there’s only a few things about death that scares me
I lived my entire life to answer to he (my god)
And yes officer I will probably kill them if you don’t hold me
You know what’s so fucked up? … the composure it takes to actually go to you
And the safe no safe no safe no that no one but my mom helped me through
You don’t have a clue

My life is, never was, never will be a game
I did it for humanity it wasn’t ever for fame
I wanna be rich but want a quiet life
I didn’t want my bf to change I wanted to be his wife
You don’t always get what you give
“Not living to die, dying to live”
What’s dishonor to you?

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Nah we talked about laundry mats and I wanted a club

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They forced me out… and I realized I was finally really good at something legal too…

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Now I’m just fucked… dead up

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Check my hospital records… the one where I actually got to go home because I didn’t tell them what someone did to me

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Go another round hoe…

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Come on… let’s go bitch

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Now I’m going to put on my Barbie song and try to cry

[A Disciple]

I can’t believe it… I just can’t that someone could actually be that deranged to do to someone that never even offended them

[A Disciple]

That’s a hard question for real…

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My nephew I saw too gun and voodoo one and how I wasn’t even aware of my surrounding when the party got shot up and I then if I got 3 to my vv and dead up… someones dead wrong

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Top gun*

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But even having the pics don’t prove it to myself if everyone else tells me no

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Someone more powerful then me set me up for torture dead up

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And I do want help finding out wtf is even going on

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When I said when they tried to shoot my vv off to my dad - he didn’t correct me

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They just refuse to accept or acknowledge we don’t get a long and this isn’t my god, religion, or culture - and yeah you got skills like you god - you will just never be mine! I don’t deserve a nightmare or being forced to live in a zone where I am dealing with skeletons that aren’t even mine! I saw the lick say oh oh oh and come to my window on 7/4 and kick it to me. I never dated him, he was an after club booty call on a very very rare AND I haven’t slept with him since 2007 (I hardly know I’m and I don’t want to) and I get the picture… NO! IDGAF who you are what you got I’m not attracted to you on any level what so ever you better be leaving me alone!!!!

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OMG

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I don’t hardly know him and don’t want to*

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I started to pace mentally when Kayla at school showed me her shot mark and it looked just like mine

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Trying to get better but it feels like no one wants to let me besides my family

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Just keep all them over there and away from me please…

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Ok so… she was my friend I looked up to her and she was my friend and I didn’t like it so I had to not like you… and you didn’t even like her like that

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I lost a friend too

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That’s why I was a bitch to you but I remembered way back when you’d laugh at how straight up I’d be… I need more me back

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Just the angels have ways of talking and I’m trying to make sense of it all too

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Jay Z babies name…

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A Jay Z lyric woke me up but I also realized what I hear isn’t necessarily what they sing

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Like… if he taught you better than me then why did you fall asleep! And he won’t tell me the truth either

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No the lyric was “does brownfields want it hard core” but I think the real lyric was something else

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Keep Kevin FARRRRRRRRRRR away from me

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Nah I need help figuring shit out cause to be honest I’m just so fucking tired

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How did they know I was “ran into your homeboys and they a bunch of idiots cause you tripping I’m in the club” cause you were there with your new girl… but I swear to God I ain’t send a sexy picture

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Me and friend was setting up Facebook and yeah… thanks for the heads up

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Nah I know it ain’t me

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Nah I thought in your head was an expression… I just send angels

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Yeah I kinda have been thinking of him lately cause I always do cause I caught the pic of him under black clouds I think that’s when our happy homes and relationship just went to straight hell… and I wanted it to be us so bad… but then I realized why it wasn’t or isn’t but the betrayal still hurts…. I loved you to death

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I saw that… if that’s what’s up why you wasting money and not giving it to us though?

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Nah not him… I saw a car that said bad boy something today

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Like the thot patrol in Florida… don’t be fucking with my head though or stalk me

[A Disciple]

Just sad as fuck right now…

[A Disciple]

[A Disciple]

Nah I have been thinking about R and K and like nah no way I’d be dead I swear not me BUT if they went thru my phone to hit them for drugs but not who shot me? That ish WAY illegal!