A Disciple's Thread

[A Disciple]

That was a hot drop as I'm forced in my own body to kiss my hands again. He just doesn't get it or go away. What is that thing that Pac and Kenrick in poetic justice say about glasses and being blind, cause I never had bad vision before and always hated glasses. They make me look extra ugly. I'm just in this steady nightmare. It's a God but it's just not mine. Tired of being bullied and abused and force to literally feel, hear, and think with their voices. Mental illness a bitch as is... I don't deserve the extra.

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Lets talk about retarded now...or why anyone would throw that too.

[Candy]

that sucks..

i didnt get retards in my school until 4th grade and the first one was a kid called steve that had glasses and i think he was gay.. but the retardation didnt really stick with me so i finsihed all of grade 5 with multi cultural people who started getting called nigger on the play ground but it didnt real affect the people.. even if they were retarded or black.. but by 6th grade they def had settled the retarded kids cause all there faces had blown up which i think they had down syndrome and there wasnt just one they were the only friends of each other and one still had glasses..

by highschool they kind of died out and got seperated to retard school.. i hooked up with a girl from one she was epileptic a girl named shelby that killed her pregnant self in the carriage with the as the gone in sixty seconds car it really was sad and i couldnt go to the funeral even though i was invited..

i met some autistic kids along the way even rich artists two of them along the way but their retardation was just what i would call shy stuttering..

i worked with a guy that had add and all he did was forget because he couldnt hold his breath as long as he would like and get angry..

when i was in hospital i met alot of people one girl would scream all day and all night because she would think she was on fire but i never heard her like that she always just seemed like she was talking to me possibly loud but people still said it..

the first things that i noticed about my retardation was i wanted to fuck my sister.. n im like i dont really want to fuck her so it has to be someone else in me but i wasnt a girl so i couldnt be pregnant and so it had to be a god..

the second was i thought certain people were witches that molested kids thats why they lived near schools.. so i started hunting them..

by then because i took action on my retardation i actually asked for help... im like my world is def not normal.. so i got some help
then i got better and started working again.. then my boss tried to stab me and broke me again..

where i started sleeping outside only and not paying rent until the police got me and put me into hospital.. the first night in a got put in a straight jacket for refusing their rules of the house..

since then ive been better for about ten years.. saying that i still have character quirks but i was always going to have those because thats what my character is

[A Disciple]

I remember pac yelling that to me while marching with my shadows when I was g r in myrtle beach. Probably for the promise I made god when my cousin was bullied to give someone like him to me I’d kick anyone’s ass who fucked with him and give them a good life. Not that I would want that I wouldnt want my child sick but I’m sure god understood what I meant.

Now when posed and abused and forced to share my body with them I get stuck on stupid or hiss like I’m retarded. Or like them toungues after I was g r in myrtle beach - I don’t if that was hissing or the noises coming out of my body for like an hour coming out of psych

I don’t feel good... I don’t like feeling like other bitches with a Dr on my body that is sick, mean, and abusive. I’m tired as fuck... nobody on this earth is going to force me to them bitches or demand I share my body with them when I don’t want to. It’s MY body and I don’t want to have to share it when I don’t want to - but they hit all these keys when I’m trying to type like it’s their body and not mine.

Ever since I woke up it’s been straight hell and even now I probably have to grab another ice pack on my face because they’re mad I don’t listen.

I deserve peace and comfort in my own body and being forced to live in their zone instead of mine is beyond cruel and unusual torture. It’s been 8 years now I don’t know how to get them off me!!!!! I wouldnt suffer for those bitches even if my pure tries to make me. NO!!! The pain is starting again but it will take hours and hours to fall asleep again but I’ll try to go to bed.

I can’t do this... I can’t live like this... I refuse to

I’m tired of almost every time I say lord I have to hear THEM ask for forgiveness - this shit is too sick for me with some maggot dr sticking pins in me and physically and other wise abusing me too

That’s what it feels like

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How do I get their religion away from me and get my body back? How the fuck are they able to and allowed to change MY religion? This isn’t my god or religion and it’s not fair

[Candy]

i use to dance in the rain listening to this on my ipod when it rains whilst walking home from work



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i am sure god understood what you meant to

your writers voice is sexy def no hissing

atleast the ice will balance any swollen.. just in general it keeps your body ballanced

what i would suggest actually get acupuncture where they stick pins in you to massage you at balances you.. even if it doesnt atleast you know

[Candy]

[Soule]

Daddy's flown across the ocean
Leaving just a memory
Snapshot in the family album
Daddy what else did you leave for me?
Daddy, what'd'ja leave behind for me?!?
All in all it was just a brick in the wall.
All in all it was all just bricks in the wall.

We don't need no education
We dont need no thought control
No dark sarcasm in the classroom
Teachers leave them kids alone
Hey! Teachers! Leave them kids alone!
All in all it's just another brick in the wall.
All in all you're just another brick in the wall.

We don't need no education
We dont need no thought control
No dark sarcasm in the classroom
Teachers leave them kids alone
Hey! Teachers! Leave them kids alone!
All in all it's just another brick in the wall.
All in all you're just another brick in the wall.

I don't need no arms around me
And I dont need no drugs to calm me.
I have seen the writing on the wall.
Don't think I need anything at all.
No! Don't think I'll need anything at all.
All in all it was all just bricks in the wall.
All in all you were all just bricks in the wall.

[Cody Nash]

If madness and the abyss could speak, I see the two of you have met…
You clearly provide some comfort in the places you’d least expect…
And yet, there’s something unsettling here…something I can’t forget
I wonder about your languages and things that you both regret.
When I read y’all I feel neglect…I feel pain and some sort of darkness,
I feel the rattling of some cages, but the ignition of something sparkin’
Flowers damaged by arson…infatuations countered by marksmen…
I see a mutilated Westside story about that Maria from Spanish Harlem…
Unhinged thoughts, so hypnotic…I’m almost trippin’ reading too deeply
There’s faint twinges of my own life when I see the two of you speaking…
Incompletion doomed to repeating…the resistance of the spectrum
The neglect of pain so deep that y’all didn’t wanna tell ‘em…
I see ravines that we’ve all fell in…and bars that were just felon,
I hear and read your minds and I understand what you’re sellin’…
Mothers, designed helpful…brothers who act unexpected,
Sisters that are so distant they can’t deny what you tell ‘em.
Spouses and sex addictions…sex addictions on strangers couches,
Ruled by physical rulers that are just children inside your houses…
Be it your Gods flavored by poison…or poison that tastes sweet…
Understand that I understand…That thought always takes weeks.
a feminine touch that is light, not as strong as being destroyed…
Rape isn’t something that takes you when you lose yourself to a void.
Darkness holds to your peace…what’s peaceful feels like it’s chaos
Matter fact, peace is a fraud in the face of the coming payoffs.
Psychopathic, schitzophrenic, scrambled brains - whatever the label
The non judgement of empty threads can give us something to table…
Feasts created for Kings…dwarfed by feasts for the able,
When they haven’t had the location to simply sit in their cradles.
Weighted blankets to wrap around us…silk that’s pink to the touch…
Women relieved of their cells ‘til their children split up their love…
Multiple kids, multiple men…I’ve been a goat in the lions den
Familiar feelings detour them…while bad ones feel like their friends.
Moons revolving their planets; planets splintered from light,
Right up until it burns out and these black holes can absorb our lives.
Suicide couldn’t save us cause we’ll split til there’s no shine…
We’ll separate as we combust, and if we die we can all combine.

Hang in there y’all.

[Candy]

Spouses and sex addictions…sex addictions on strangers couches,
Ruled by physical rulers that are just children inside your houses…

Multiple kids, multiple men…I’ve been a goat in the lions den
Familiar feelings detour them…while bad ones feel like their friends.

two of the best bars.. so much emotion

thanks for the open mic drop it was dope you def a real niggah - thanks again one love respect

[A Disciple]

@Soule s you should put quotes around them exact words so they know someone else wrote that part like I do! I write to songs and my poems line up perfectly with the song when I do that. Frost can confirm that.

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Thanks for talking though

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@Cody _nash nice drop and thanks for talking too. I liked it and can relate to a lot - the part about reading minds stuck out cause I see in my text all the time like you hear the same thing but process it different cause we have different hearts. Like not remembering certain shit to being slept and not knowing certain shit. It’s different. I been up all night... sleep is worse than ever. Being forced to kiss my hands by some freak trying to force me to my old friends for help. THAT’LL NEVER HAPPEN! I’ve been thru enough I don’t need the extra or to give them that privy either. All the fake shit like they even trying to change my pure to worse... I’m not little miss riding hood trust. Omg and the pain too!!! I’ll be fine on my beach blanket and then here they come everytime... and it goes on for hours and hours cause it’s my body and they not going to make me. I get crazier the less sleep I get so maybe I’ll try to sleep again. Maybe these assholes are up and distracted by this time and let me but again... nah I’m not sharing my body or living this way.

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Yes... torture (no joke)

[Candy]

but you shared your booty with me in your avy and it had nothing but looking like a booty of a queen in it

[A Disciple]

Sick as fuck right now (I don’t wanna know) not even my ex or his sponsor can hold me right now

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That up all night shit and 2-3 days up not fun for me... I’m not built for that shit

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Thank you... it gets fucked up again every 3-4 weeks ;o) funny but not funny

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So sick I’m about to speak in tongues again

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“You wanted ice so I made you freeze... put you in the SUV” something’s super wrong and I need help!

[A Disciple]

Don’t even talk to me about sober until they are off of me for real!

[Candy]

soul i was just listening to that song

[Cody Nash]

Did the Illuminati get y’all? I’m worried.

[Candy]

lol not me