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Thread: A Disciple's Thread

  1. #1306

    Re: A Disciple's Thread

    "Underneath the boutique exterior, at the heart of the cake you’ll
    expose how dark and distasteful or hardened it makes you."
    - Baron Mynd

    If you'd like a quick last live update
    We had a True Real #1 over the Jeso-Math meltdown frankly naa cus that was real psychosis racing thoughts para for months ehh a nowwayy yeah this one safer insta recovered righte
    lol got a halfie on the green patures that supply arbies
    now i gotta have this last one here current update is i went 90 like almost whole way tears did start to process, well up yaknow
    it was still real
    so on this last one well you know it goes
    gotta
    yeah similar to Heroin/opiate addicts (never tried)...chasin that 1st one
    THERE WAS NO WANTING CHASE this first one reaaaal and you know what Jeso wasnt even yeah the drugs and drugs and also those drugs. Were part of it. And the writing binges. Insomna. Meta-Dominated mind that was adding 3 digit numbers at age 3 cuz Kungs Daddy taught math, etc. Just like larsey boy baron mynding. Then I played piano by 9. Eh I told buddha boy ghostly mrring on an om uuu can browe quick feed destroy your own life and ego on whillele telling mmeee to get my act togher ?

    See what im saying everythings over now im in control
    friggin gave larzey a quick mimic summation etc

    so yeah sis I'm bout to grind exciting games of all sorts and mix in clicking around writingshit or reading
    got a roughie intro for the next one and bout 5 on the docket
    complete with deadlines for egoless personas who edit
    the aforementioned PLZ HOLD MY ATTNSPAN persona of insomnia needing my mind to be challenged for some goddamn reason why
    why do i want it
    eh
    brb- and bye- and hi- while were at it.
    Right lars and disciple(?)
    Last edited by Pharaohs Army; May 13th, 2023 at 12:11 PM

  2. #1307

    Re: A Disciple's Thread

    Yeah another upped Depth nonkey job
    Sis wanetd a visit next month y kno just use use the Servant why yeah
    Masochist no fun? W/e chick, Love you allways tho Discipe yeah June mid be done with producers ~

  3. #1308
    MAD! A Disciple's Avatar
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    Re: A Disciple's Thread

    Thanks for posting pharaoh… real ish

    Insanity? It’s humble to the core… my bf gets mad cause he like you really don’t give a fuck about nothing and it’s not that I still do my loved ones but once you been to multiple hells like that you really don’t… I mean it’s not a humbled walk it’s a humiliating and bitched walk… and as long as you good with yourself, you clarify the story of what people think but in the end you get to the point like fuck it God know the truth… you know?

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    And you pray karma is real and that all truth really do come to light… ain’t nothing I ever did that I can’t admit to and I learned young that’s a good rule to live your life to
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  4. #1309

    Re: A Disciple's Thread

    Quote Originally Posted by A Disciple View Post
    Thanks for posting pharaoh… real ish

    Insanity? It’s humble to the core… my bf gets mad cause he like you really don’t give a fuck about nothing and it’s not that I still do my loved ones but once you been to multiple hells like that you really don’t… I mean it’s not a humbled walk it’s a humiliating and bitched walk… and as long as you good with yourself, you clarify the story of what people think but in the end you get to the point like fuck it God know the truth… you know?

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    And you pray karma is real and that all truth really do come to light… ain’t nothing I ever did that I can’t admit to and I learned young that’s a good rule to live your life to
    And thanks for the nod and let’s put it literal succinct and clear.
    For about 20 years I have lived for my next writing high and weed high. That’s my fucking life. That’s how you get lost in satanaical faire forests collating with the greatest verse ever written which also happens to topicalize your existence. An obsceeene is argue 97% fake femonised nooo it’s it jealousy it’s awe wonder and obsession. And when you’ve been writing since grade school and you can fucking clock every writes in the world right? Everyone but zy who is doing skmthk g beyond tense and adj adv fakes and canibus quickies k. He the only one I can’t clock and never will kK no one will ever. So I weird bit collared for a 1.5 year psych job and 8 years to get out of the forest k.

    And this is a journal entry but it’s for all. You got the details WW got the rough draft.

  5. #1310
    MAD! A Disciple's Avatar
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    Re: A Disciple's Thread

    Listened to Broken Hearted by Nipsy and Pac yesterday and just fell the fuck out… my bf treating me different I don’t have kids but I have shadows and I know that’s what the only one of them believe it mean… and… I just fell out

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    Like I’m tired of my bf saying my mental health is an excuse but when my emotions set off and I calm down it’s like a fog… just walking traumatized and in a fog… I wish there was a way to explain it

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    I’m a triangle I just don’t know what that mean… but when I write and pause to think I notice my hands go in the triangle pose… do you know what it means?

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    And I don’t have friends… they all betrayed me… I have a select few but I know where to throw them and like

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    Yeah I’m a soldier and a lot of men hate that too
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  6. #1311
    MAD! A Disciple's Avatar
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    Re: A Disciple's Thread

    I lost my dog this week… she got into another dog fight. It started with getting kicked out the puppy the park and we laughed like it was cute but then it progressed. The last big fight that neighbors were involved it was their fault cause their dog was off a leash and everyone know my dog is aggressive and huge… then this fight she broke out the house to get at our neighbors dog and it was bad and sent my step dad to the hospital too when breaking it up… we tried for 2 days to figure out how to save her and made the hard decision of putting her down as she was a rescue to begin with and how sad and depressed and sick she was when we got her. The vet threatening the warden I couldn’t bare to think of her in a cell scared and alone by her self like a death row. My step dad made the hard decision but said she didn’t even try to attack the vet - she was at peace is what gave me peace but deep down I wonder if she felt betrayed and can’t help but think if it would’ve been different if she was my dog and not his type…

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    After losing Gabriel at 13 mos and Gabi at 5 yrs (we had her 3 years) I came to the conclusion that dogs are probably angels on loan but idk… I can’t keep going thru the heart break again or don’t want to be so cold that I just get used it and death either… idk what to think right now

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    Talk about that’s my therapy dog… I loved her I still do I miss her but hope we get to hang everyday still and that she just is a ghost now.

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    Gabriella my confirmation name and saint

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    My mom just keep on looking at me saying… “it go by fast don’t it” … referring to life
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  7. #1312
    MAD! A Disciple's Avatar
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    Re: A Disciple's Thread

    Airing out… how you supposed to be yourself when you feel like everybody but though? It doesn’t help

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    Airing out… how you supposed to be yourself when you feel like everybody but though? It doesn’t help and like trusting instinct and stuff again like

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    Like believe me I understand why you get scared to love… but I’m blessed I finally found it and if I didn’t I don’t believe it cause it’s different. But i haven’t even met his mom so I do have to stay grounded and balanced in reality there too. What if he doesn’t love me like that or if she doesn’t like me. Cause that’s important and I’m coming in on an angle to begin with

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    My mom said a side comment and she has me second guessing not his loyalty but if someone else is pushing their way in and like…

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    He can’t stand my Ijdgaf attitude and it’s not like nothing to lose it’s more like Lord you did all this to me and put me thru all this for what and it feels like not even for a reason so it’s not like I feel like when I get there ish answer to me it’s more like I hope he at least tell me why… cause most of it only god can do or allow
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  8. #1313
    MAD! A Disciple's Avatar
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    My Pen

    My Pen

    I love my pen but I hate it too
    It exposed my soul to all of you
    And strangers too and like
    In an outlet I feel so misunderstood
    And in my reputation been thru so many phases I don’t even know my heart like I should
    But I put it out there and everyone judge me
    And I never cared before cause I was making money
    Now I feel like this loser and leech I don’t even recognize
    But how when he looked in my eyes he didn’t even realize
    I set myself up I get it and I do it over and over again
    And nah I’m done I don’t want a man I just want my pen
    Now I know and whoa…
    You don’t respect a bitch whose cold
    And can’t understand what make them a hoe
    Now do you understand why
    I gave you all of my trust and you didn’t even have to lie
    It’s not your fault you didn’t like me anymore
    But you should’ve told me and not betray me for your new whore

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    He left me crying to go be with her then mixed up the texts and sexts me thinking it was her saying he on his way

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    Betrayal don’t come worse then that
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  9. #1314
    MAD! A Disciple's Avatar
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    Re: A Disciple's Thread

    I feel stupid… ain’t nobody real… just sitting here praying for a real friend for once cause my man just straight up dissed and disrespected me for another woman. I was stupid I fell for it again.. the grimy shit going down in my house again… everytime I get weed it go missing… my boy asked my for a blunt so I asked him for a bud and he say no… so now I’m back to no one

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    Exploiting my life for what? This shit supposed to be fun or something?

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    God can’t even make this shit ok… my life was donated and sacrificed to who for what?

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    I dead up couldn’t go to school today cause I couldn’t stop crying and he left me to go see who ever he wouldn’t answer my call for last night and like word I just said it like one day you gonna treat me like you do your gf right… like ced did me too

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    Fuck him I can’t forgive him even if I wanted to cause that’s BETRAYAL

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    He won’t even pump my gas no more… why it took 15 months for real to come thru though… fuck you and that bitch

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    Trying my hardest to stay out of mental cause it only gets worse in there

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    I don’t know what to do but I can’t stand the feeling of being in my own skin again

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    I wish I could just go see my sister but I think she hate me now too cause I wasn’t even invited to my nephews wedding and like

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    All this tapping and twitching fuck what you heard I won’t submit or forgive and give in… im prepared to spend the rest of my life in jail if I have to to prove that

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    Or to make it stop

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    In fact I’m back to the days where it might be the best option

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    Why and for what and for who?

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    I bet you sent a pretty bitch his way huh

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    You gonna start sleeping and hitting me again too?

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    Cause my computer already been tripping again all day

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    Who think I’m happy… who think I want to be all alone living with my mama

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    No family of my own

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    Some desperate man that tortured a bitch down gonna slide on in and think I’m a jump and be miserable just to get out… mother fucker I will slice your fucking dick off

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    In front of the judge

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    I feel like god and my dad tricked me… he wasn’t real

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    And I can’t forgive him even if I wanted to not that I want to…

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    It really felt real though… it really did but EVERYBODY switch up on me

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    I gave my ring to my mom… I think she more mad then me

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    I’m worried about him but I can’t be cause tonight he proved he not worried and don’t give a fuck about me though for real

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    Left me crying for the bitch

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    That’s a never coming back from

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    And it hurts that he pushed that

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    I wish he never tested me

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    It feels like a slice thru my soul every time I try to breath

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    What did I do wrong… I wasn’t the one sleeping with lying or betraying anybody

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    Bet he sleep fine right now though

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    Went to 3 bars before I found one that would serve me… fuck you and your network too

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    You have me caged and pinned like some animal for your sick entertainment

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    I don’t take orders…

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    Nobody bosses or bullies me around

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    And I don’t even fear God no more

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    I have to sit here and stare at these dumb ass hearts on my bed

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    It’s starting all over again…

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    Who gave you my body cause I know I didn’t

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    And he don’t think I started getting off the hook when his new bitch came in though? Fuck that… I don’t need or want a man and like I decided before they shot me or what ever happened that I lost 5 weeks off their joke… fuck love I’ll take the money any day over it

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    It’s not worth the pain

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    I didn’t sleep with any of them… I slept with 3 people in 8 years but yet them lies flying though

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    And I never cheated on him either… I don’t wish I did I just wish I never fell again

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    My dumb ass sucker for love DONE though

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    I don’t even know if I trust pac anymore… if that’s why I’m a switch up bitch

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    Snake rat gun… those were my tongues but even DMX dead now… anyone else no what that mean or why I scream or cry silent like that? Nah didn’t think so either… oh wait… nah everyone knows but me

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    And that’s the joke though until I fall into line or something?

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    Fuck you I’ll spit in your face too

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    And won’t “Stu stu stutter”

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    I did idol 50 he was my fave I trusted the situation with my man under the umbrella of it all and now I’m just like… stupid bitch

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    You know someone was trying to drill me last night too?

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    I’m dropped to hell enough on my own… face your own charge

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    Find a new skeleton trash can

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    And here I go losing it again

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    Jay z part make perfect sense to me but I’m not that thirsty and how many times I got to see it

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    I’d hate to be famous… I actually prefer to blend in crowds

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    But yo I would like to support myself PLEASE

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    Just please leave me alone and let me get back on my feet cause you all won’t stop hitting me

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    Nah right now I don’t even want to write no more

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    I was just thinking the other day how much I hate staying up all night not being able to sleep…

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    Just got student of the month and it go down like it happened last time I got it too

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    And yo I just don’t believe in having to fight so hard to get thru an average and modest life

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    I’ll probably take a week off of both work and school to recover

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    Idk

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    Idc if it take me 6 years to graduate im a graduate

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    Baby steps… people think I’m faking though

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    Confused as fuck… slurring my words… can’t stop crying… can’t hold a conversation and every time I try to speak I have to feel like I’m screaming so they can hear me… I guess I even talk silent now too

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    I finally go for an mri next week cause my memory fucked but can’t get an appt for Neuro psych testing until next April… I’ve been sick how long? Why is this the first time I hearing about this after I’m already pretty much retarted from it all?

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    All the behind my back shit too… im not even like that so why?

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    My first MRI

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    All them files and judges and lawyers and drs and hospitals and nobody notice that? But you noticed my positive tox screen for coke though even though I haven’t been dirty since 2017

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    I learned a drug is a drug is a drug… so why is it ok for you to give me pills that make me feel drugged up but not ok for me to take drugs that mKe me feel sober?

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    It’s all good and petty compared to what’s really going on though

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    My father drank so you didn’t even put him on a heart machine… how do you get so above other people and life on this earth? Shit I was being honest with my drs that’s how they knew because I was under the impression they were here to help

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    I should’ve lied like everyone else?
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  10. #1315
    MAD! A Disciple's Avatar
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    Re: Keep it Moving (scarface)

    I still take it back… I know it’s not us but thanks for being there today and being the closest to a friend I really ever had since. Betrayal though… yo that shit just slice
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  11. #1316
    MAD! A Disciple's Avatar
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    Re: A Disciple's Thread

    I tried to do it for everybody but nobody wanted to get along
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    CLA919

  12. #1317

    Re: To: You’re Mines Still

    You're Mines Still is an incredible song that effortlessly captures raw emotions and resonates deeply with listeners. Its soulful melody and heartfelt lyrics create an immersive experience, evoking nostalgia and love. The artist's captivating voice, combined with the masterful production, makes it a timeless masterpiece. With the advancement of technology, I can only imagine how incredible a text-to-video conversion of this song would be, visually enhancing the already powerful emotions it conveys.

  13. #1318
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    Re: My Pen

    my girl..



    loves it



    felt like it was for matilda xoxo

    dream on dreamer for the journal files.. like pac said not guilty

    Last edited by Candy; May 25th, 2023 at 09:33 PM
    curious más curioso y más curioso

  14. #1319
    MAD! A Disciple's Avatar
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    CLA919

  15. #1320
    MAD! A Disciple's Avatar
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    Re: A Disciple's Thread



    Yo check my Instagram for the craziest ironic when you listen to this song

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    Ad_rapbattles

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    Ad_rapbattles

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    Wait that wasn’t it I wanted the one with Nipsy too

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    THIS ONE

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    CLA919

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