Breed.

[Soule]

Sinking beneath a river of dreams,
she can't breathe, muscles become weak.

Fighting to scream, silenced in bedsheets,
the satin suffocation arousing her needs.

Delicate romance torn by empowering lust,
cowering trust shivers from hourly thrusts.

Amnesia or love drunk, she can't tell anymore,
sea salt tears smudge her makeup as I shut the door.

I drop money on the table, enough to heal her pain
and she knows in her soul I'll return when I get paid.

[Emily]

Sinking beneath a river of dreams,
she can't breathe, muscles become weak.

Nice intro. Strong start with 'Sinking beneath a river of dreams...'
Nice way with words. And the second line backs the first line nicely.

Fighting to scream, silenced in bedsheets,
the satin suffocation arousing her needs.

Nice kink factor you've got going, but it's the
subtle rhymes that do it for me. There's a bit of a rough msg,
but it's been delivered in a classy way. And that in itself isn't always easy,
but you did well.

Delicate romance torn by empowering lust,
cowering trust shivers from hourly thrusts.

lol, that's great. Love that. I mean....what's not to love?

Amnesia or love drunk, she can't tell anymore,
sea salt tears smudge her makeup as I shut the door.

The melody is nice, I like melodic flow, when it's strong like this,
so yeah, I like the bounce of wording here. And the imagery you've given off.

I drop money on the table, enough to heal her pain
and she knows in her soul I'll return when I get paid.

Wow, strong ending. It's that honesty you don't expect that jolts you a little,
as a reader, that's great. Great to be jolted from time to time.
Good to come from a different angle, one that's a little taboo, a little risque,
a slightly indecent angle.

This was good, I enjoyed it. Smooth read, delicate but with a spicy, salacious tone.
Good stuff.
I could have handled a little more story line, just when I got immersed in it, it seemed to end.
So yeah, my only complaint was, I would have liked to have known more about her.
A longer piece in other words, but as it stands, I like short reads to, and this was interesting
and entertaining.


Good stuff.


Thank you.