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Thread: unknown intentions

  1. #1
    You've Earned a Custom Title! zonez's Avatar
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    Question unknown intentions

    I was going to post this in a cipher thread, however I would like some feedback. Not really sure where this should go or where I was going with it as you will see, hence the title 'unknown intentions'. Kinda also the theme of my life right now anyways here it is.

    ..skatin' all day now I'm ready to lay down and let my feet rest maybe peep some fresh lyrics.
    Head on over to the cipher at RB might catch a battle to test my spirit.
    I won't talk shit and call you out, I isn't that rude.
    However I isn't that dude to get bitch slapped and not drop a verse that will leave your face screwed.
    You go ham? Well I go hammer and nail ya with a punch so hard it will impale ya.
    Visit your grave later and leave some azalea's.
    My imagination is so vast its telescopic but I will attempt to get back to the topic which was?
    Droppin' some shit like I'm so sick that I can't stop it?
    Or perhaps it was just droppin' cause I can't get a grip on my own logic.
    There probably wasn't a point to it like whole numbers, just an expression of this mess of emotion so you know how my soul slumbers decomposing like old lumber left out over a slow summer.
    It's no wonder why I fold under the atmospheric pressure of a cold thunderous sky.
    I sold my gold to get a rush like Sutter, when it started to die I would lie to my brother to get by.
    Eventually mine went dry.
    Now I try to hide what I mutter from society's eye but it's impossible when I spend every night in the gutter.
    Curb serves as a separation preventing this socially unfit mental patient from spreading his contagious infestation.

  2. #2
    You've Earned a Custom Title! PatricBernier's Avatar
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    Re: unknown intentions

    "My imagination is so vast its telescopic but I will attempt to get back to the topic which was?
    Droppin' some shit like I'm so sick that I can't stop it?"
    this flow is good, try to gravitate to this, look at syllables when u rhyme to make it sound amazing

    There probably wasn't a point to it like whole numbers, just an expression of this mess of emotion so you know how my soul slumbers decomposing like old lumber left out over a slow summer.
    It's no wonder why I fold under the atmospheric pressure of a cold thunderous sky

    awesome! good job
    check me out if you have a chance, I like your stuff.

    http://rapbattles.com/forum/showthre...onspiracy-Shit

  3. #3
    The Legend KnowP's Avatar
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    Re: unknown intentions

    @zonez get ur links up son

  4. #4
    You've Earned a Custom Title! zonez's Avatar
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    Re: unknown intentions

    Quote Originally Posted by KnowP View Post
    @zonez get ur links up son
    Please explain, as I am fairly new here.

  5. #5
    The Legend KnowP's Avatar
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    Re: unknown intentions

    Quote Originally Posted by zonez View Post
    Please explain, as I am fairly new here.
    Leave feedback on two different pieces, then copy those url links and paste them in here. That's all.

  6. #6
    You've Earned a Custom Title! zonez's Avatar
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    Re: unknown intentions

    http://rapbattles.com/forum/showthre...onspiracy-Shit
    http://rapbattles.com/forum/showthre...Velvet-Fortune

    Ok here's a couple pieces I have left feedback on. Is this correct? Just noticed there was a sticky containing rules of this open mic section. I will check it if I have I question I will pm you.

  7. #7
    You've Earned a Custom Title! Narrator's Avatar
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    Re: unknown intentions

    This seemed to be more of a battle style to me than a topical. (which i'm more used too) I did enjoy this though and thought there were a few standout lines. Im on my phone or I would quote them, I may come back at a later time and do so. I also noticed some very long bars which i don't mind if worded properly. I think there was a couple spots where you could have reworded to sharpen the flow but i'd say in this piece the positives outweigh the negatives by far so bravo for that. As far as directio to go... idk what you could really do with this. If your looking for more of advise than just critique let me know and ill tell you what I think you should work on. Peace

  8. #8
    You've Earned a Custom Title! zonez's Avatar
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    Re: unknown intentions

    Crazy I just critiqued your 'emotional board meeting' and was about to edit in asking if you would like to do the same for this piece... like you read my mind! Are you a psychic spy by any chance?

  9. #9
    The Legend KnowP's Avatar
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    Re: unknown intentions

    Quote Originally Posted by zonez View Post
    http://rapbattles.com/forum/showthre...onspiracy-Shit
    http://rapbattles.com/forum/showthre...Velvet-Fortune

    Ok here's a couple pieces I have left feedback on. Is this correct? Just noticed there was a sticky containing rules of this open mic section. I will check it if I have I question I will pm you.
    yes sir; thank you. and PM or tag me in the chat anytime u have a question or concern.

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