Don't Waste Your Time Living Someone Else's Life

[Illustrious.]

* This is my SS piece, dude no showed so i'd like criticism please, leave feed. will have links soon.

“Your time is limited, so don’t waste it living someone else’s life “

Unique and Unparalleled, mind state twists like a carousel
Independent and Self-sustaining, maintaining life to gain and battle well
Following in footsteps wrecks freedom, disconnects what you believe in
Intellect will intersect with achievements, leading you on paths for succeeding
Proceeding without guidance, reliance means opportunity for impeding
Conceding, rather craft your own words than follow what you‘re reading
Feelings; allow yourself to roll with those, never bottle it & don’t oppose
Compose your own tricks like blowing O’s, being a follower is risky like an overdose
Leadership; a quality in life that people have forgotten, it’s rotten & you’re still eating it
Feebleness, people take the cards their dealt & deal with it instead of dealing shit
Yes, dealing shit. Be a dealership, then you’ll realize you can control your own agency
Time is limited; it’s constructed into the permanent state of fate the lord’s paved for we
Most are blatantly, shamefully quick to let others select the roads to drive, impatiently
Instead of patiently & graciously waiting for opportunities that are better unmistakably
Quit wasting time, that’s the basic line. It’s time to break the bind & make up your mind
View the road to success & make the right turn. If you take a left then you’re painfully blind
Open your eyes, it’s finally the moment to view that others have been controlling you
If you got an intelligent mind state then you’ll realize it isn’t lies & it’s totally true
They got you in a choke hold, hoping you’ll quit resisting & won’t stop until you’re going blue
That’s why we got to continue to fight for our independent lives, strive & and give it everything inside
Entwined in our heads is the power to devour cowards & design plans to be the boss
Use our minds, stay focused & never be hopeless. Use your heart & stick behind your thoughts
Because others’ opinions will skew your judgements & they’ll love it when you’re lost
If you don’t stop wasting your time living someone else’s life, then your own life will be the cost.

-Illustrious

[Illustrious.]

this was my SS peice, dude no showed would like some feed. i will leave links soon.

[Illustrious.]

can i get some feed plz, ill return the favor on your pieces.

[Illustrious.]

bumpp

[Illustrious.]

Links:

http://rapbattles.com/forum/showthre...064/index.html
http://rapbattles.com/forum/showthre...157/index.html

[Flyest_M]

I thought it was good you stayed on topic, your word usage was good. You kept a consistent flow.

I liked the ending lines.

Nice work keep at it

[Venom]

* This is my SS piece, dude no showed so i'd like criticism please, leave feed. will have links soon.

“Your time is limited, so don’t waste it living someone else’s life “


Unique and Unparalleled, mind state twists like a carousel
Excellent one liner here. I love the unparalelled/carousel rhyme
Shit was ill.


Independent and Self-sustaining, maintaining life to gain and battle well
This was rough, not! near as smooth of wording..kinda forced in my
opinion

Following in footsteps wrecks freedom, disconnects what you believe in
Intellect will intersect with achievements, leading you on paths for succeeding
Dope bar. Smooth and decent vocabulary usage. It also hits the nail on the
head as far as the topic goes

Proceeding without guidance, reliance means opportunity for impeding
Conceding, rather craft your own words than follow what you‘re reading
This was a cool philosophical sort of vibe. Shows some creativity.


Feelings; allow yourself to roll with those, never bottle it & don’t oppose
Compose your own tricks like blowing O’s, being a follower is risky like an overdose
Eh. I wasn't a big fan of this bar. Solid mechanically though

Leadership; a quality in life that people have forgotten, it’s rotten & you’re still eating it
Feebleness, people take the cards their dealt & deal with it instead of dealing shit
This was maad weak. I did not enjoy this, its like for a second you
lost sight of the overall concept and just rhymed.


Yes, dealing shit. Be a dealership, then you’ll realize you can control your own agency
Time is limited; it’s constructed into the permanent state of fate the lord’s paved for we
I'm not trying to be a downer but Imho this was rough

Most are blatantly, shamefully quick to let others select the roads to drive, impatiently
Instead of patiently & graciously waiting for opportunities that are better unmistakably
This bar was solid. Enjoyed it


Quit wasting time, that’s the basic line. It’s time to break the bind & make up your mind
View the road to success & make the right turn. If you take a left then you’re painfully blind
This was dope. I can easily say one of your top bars


Open your eyes, it’s finally the moment to view that others have been controlling you
If you got an intelligent mind state then you’ll realize it isn’t lies & it’s totally true
This was ok, it did convey what was intended


They got you in a choke hold, hoping you’ll quit resisting & won’t stop until you’re going blue
That’s why we got to continue to fight for our independent lives, strive & and give it everything inside
This was solid

Entwined in our heads is the power to devour cowards & design plans to be the boss
Use our minds, stay focused & never be hopeless. Use your heart & stick behind your thoughts
Enjoyed this

Because others’ opinions will skew your judgements & they’ll love it when you’re lost
If you don’t stop wasting your time living someone else’s life, then your own life will be the cost.
A pretty solid closer I must say and ultimately hits the topic straight on

-Illustrious

How I think you could improve:
You have a lot of potential. I think if you
tightened up those syllables and used more metaphors to add to the image it would help.
Tightening up the syllables will ultimately help your flow.
Try to keep the syllable count within 3-4 syllables of each other Max.

Enjoyable read.
Stay up
1

[Illustrious.]

lets get a little bit more feed plz. dont sleep on this.

[Spartacus]

Bro, I read it.

Ididnt like it.not to say you ain't got skills in it, tho.

You have talent, but you're misappropriating it on shit like this.

[Illustrious.]

Bro, I read it.

Ididnt like it.not to say you ain't got skills in it, tho.

You have talent, but you're misappropriating it on shit like this.

what u mean by misappropriating? any advice & what specific things didnt u like man? need to know these things lol

[Spartacus]

You're a good writer. Do some brag or do a track about a bitch.

We can't sell intellect.

[Flyest_M]

why do something that everyone writes about, might aswell keep it original.

keep at what your doing and write what you feel. not what everyone else expects

don't take above dudes advice

[Spartacus]

NOOOOOOBODY does brag.

I dare you to find one brag price in the first twenty om's.

Find ONE that isn't topical.

[Illustrious.]

You're a good writer. Do some brag or do a track about a bitch.

We can't sell intellect.

Writing a piece on here will not be looked at as good if you do brag drops or about money, bitches, drugs and shit. complexity, imagery and vocab is what is acknowledged on this site. I've been on this site since 2000, unfortunately my old account is gone, but look at SS, thats the calibur of writing needed to be done here to be considered dope, legendary, skilled. There should be no basic, unoriginal, simple rhymed, uncreative topic drops on here. Intellect actually goes a long way on here. I mean, some people have different styles and interests and i feel you on that, but i appreciate the feed man. I can write about anything. A text piece should be written with a lot more essence to it. You seem to be advising me to write about bragging and bitches, but that shouldnt be considered a text piece, it should be considered lyrics to an audio track, know what i mean? & thanks flyest, ill keep doing what i do...im a complex writer with creativity and vividness.

[Flyest_M]

you can just tell sparatcus is 27 an still listens to 50cent, get a grip.

the amount of time you've been here and how many posts you have I think you would've learned something.

yeah keep at it illustrious, do what you feel.