The Transformation by Marvelous and Trajik

[trajik]

Lift the banister quick, shift a canister with 
a sick magical twist.slipped a capsule in this,
mix, i fathom if its sips will rather be bliss
butt this actualy is, sick unraveling quick

drinking the potions its smoking, feeling the coldest of oceans
relieved of lonely emotions, fiening a soul to be opened
hearing these vocals are spoken, dreaming while hoping but choking
my love split open nd broken and my heart feels the boldest explosion


Hello world, I'm the monster within, driven with sin
Risen from my prison to discover what I've been missin'
Inhale slowly for evidence of this existence
Resonance from oxygen in my lungs claiming residence
Broken motion as my body and I become acquainted
Soaked in emotions of hatred, pictures of carnage painted
Inside my mind... Acute pains now shooting through my chest
Finding the time in my life defusing to a rest


then my muscles relax, I'm recovering fast
Uncovering tracks and juggaling facts
how a substance reacts, but lusting a batch
addicted to this mixture start chugging a flask

then my brain wonders, why my skin is changin colors
untamed raging utter, and I'm set on any dame or lover
my veins fading fluster, wonder whats underneath
the surface, behind the curtains, then out comes a beast


This is a monstrous rebound and I'm consciously sound
Nonsense grounded within me, I intend to stick around
With notions of ill will, I'm honing my bodily motions
For schemes provoking commotion, society's corrosion 
I'm heartless, regardless of what resides in my chest
I'll depart this laboratory and seek to molest
The world's mentality, there'll be many fatalities 
Pain strikes again, is my reality a fallacy?


This can't be happening, rage is receding and my heart beating
I start screaming, I aint believing I'm in the dark breathing
A depleting sense of meaning, for my life I start pleading
A hard feeling of hopelessness as i stare at the stars dreaming..

[trajik]

http://rapbattles.com/forum/showthre...383/index.html
http://rapbattles.com/forum/showthre...359/index.html

@Art. flash from the past bro lol

[Soule]

This was alright. I've seen better from both though. The wording was a bit awkward in a few spots. Mainly in marv's parts though. But trajik ended up having some awkward syllable counts here and there which threw the flow off a little from time to time. But now that the complaints are out of the way. The concept was pretty fresh and I felt you both worked well together. I'd like to see a style change from marv. Break outta that four line stanza structure and really throw a concept together. Ya know? You both could write an interesting story if ya morphed styles together.

[trajik]

Thanks for the feed Dagel.

Marv get a link please.

[Art.]

hey sorry been reallllly busy traj il get a link in a lilttle bit doing some WOP work.

[Art.]

http://rapbattles.com/forum/showthre...026/index.html

[Witty]

I just typed up a shit load of feed and lost it, I'll try to remember lol

This was a nice little read here, it kept me entertained. I don't think it was your best, but it was by no means bad. The piece started off with a crazy flow, I mean, seriously, it was off the hook, which made for an effortless read, it just went in to my head as quickly as I saw it, there were a few spelling mistakes here and there, it's important to spell check your stuff before you put it up, just to make it look more professional and to make sure there is nothing that will take away from the reader's experience. The second part, I'm assuming was Trajik? It was a lot different, there wasn't as much flow as there was in the first 2 stanzas, but the brilliant imagery and emotion more than made up for this, there were some real gems in this part, really nice ideas that I wished I had thought of lol As I said, this was a cool piece, not your best though, I think the concept could have been taken a lot further, there were so many ways you could take it and make it dope, but you did a really good job nonetheless, it kept me reading, and the ending was very nicely down, very poetic....props dude! Nightmares!

Traj - Hit this!
http://rapbattles.com/forum/showthre...026/index.html

[Art.]

uppin thiss cmonn peopleee