Topic: Lasting Impression
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Topic: Lasting Impression
Rules and Regulations
Please note the due times in the rules. Be on time, and as always, good luck!
Legendary Song - Winter Snow
we meet again
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Yes yes.....
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Best Topical Writer: 143
http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-jwVlqzKxiU...lacl_power.jpg
Lasting Impression
I stood 24hrs ago, a nigga with problematic socialism
Amongst like minded types with the same social vision
Coastal incisions of exclusion cause daily concussions
That only be alleviated by violent interruptions
Trusting that the Red, Black and Green Brigade
Invade occupied minds, change perceptions of skin shade
And the struggle will be to the grave, if it has to be
Getting dastardly with military ways causing catastrophe
In the mist of it all, I'm a speaker for the people
Keeper of the weaker and meager souls, eager to be equal
Letting my words be lethal injections aurally digested
To leave the evil infected and those morally invested
Oratorical rampage congregate regressive masses to rise
Progressive practice comprise of aggressive demise
Death chants to racist Yaku, dressed to report daily actions
Sending encoded communique to rally local factions
Yet I stand with my people now that 24hrs has passed
Betting that beatings will have sequels, seeing who'll last
Speaking on the battles, black fist become skylines
To the impoverished, positive change for future lifetimes
Suddenly cries replace freedom exclamations, crowd hesitation
That we morn the assassination of our leader of this situation
Deep in Memphis, people witness the fall of our greatness
Taking Martin Luther King presence, complements of the hatred
We collect our thought to keep social cohesion
Shortly adding Malcolm X to further our lesions
On the steps where I first pledge, I'm recalling soldiers home
"We must not by any means necessary succumb to racial undertones"
"We've been shown the path, laden with land mines to divide"
"We'll not subside but survive when all sides ultimately collide"
"The only way to live is to die free, prices that carry toll"
"For the betterment of our children, this will make us whole"
"So raise your fist to defy our cowardly suppressors"
"Let's leave a lasting impression that will spawn our successors!"
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Best Topical Writer: 143
I might need an extension, haven't started writing yet and prob won't get around to it until (hopefully) tomorrow night.
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cool homie
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Best Topical Writer: 143
again, gonna try get it up tonight, but may need an ext. appreciated
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these memories move endlessly, passing in flashes
the subtle bite of your lip while you were batting your lashes
every motionless moment frozen in your casual laughter
the green of your eyes, beaming bright as grass in a pasture
it was magic - each curve of your immaculate stature
had my imagination captured, heart palpitating faster
whether it was fate, an accident or merely coincidence
it was eerily synchronous the way you played the game I had mastered
your face, alabaster, draped in stains of your passion
erasing the plaster made to save you from such fatal attraction
no mistaking it, the pain in which you would hold your breath
as you placed your lips in mine and whispered gently "no regrets"
this embrace and kiss, in time, would become my only threat --
it drowned the loneliness I clung to since the moment we met
an open sweat pooled in my palms as I dangled from nervous questions
like "when can I see you again?" and "will I ever learn my lesson?"
but it was worthless to resist those lips, pursed in discretion
they were blurring your essence…you were perfect in that first impression
but time slows, unwinding to a flimsy tapestry
and your bitten lips scabbed, causing your callous speech
when you laughed, it was a cackle that would make a banshee shriek
your eyes darkened – envious from the messages you’d demand to see
it was cancer, expectations left you hunched in discouragement
you thought our love was malnourished n’ my heart pumped with the cure in it
but you huddled in nervousness never trusting my word
we watched Sex in the City…
I called it pleasantly witty, you called me fucking absurd
see that just wasn’t deserved, a punch that struck on a nerve
I just needed a lover…so I drunkenly searched for someone other than her
they say true love has a purpose, and I heard that it’s worth the waitin’
but when it runs in a circle, pussy does a perfect impersonation
I just wanted to hurt her in the most malicious of ways
and speak with an action for the words I’d been itching to say
I started drifting away, and in a vicious display
decided to cheat on her--and worse--fuck some bitch at her place
the key twisted in fate, you should’ve seen the look on her face!
as I buoyed the insecurities she couldn’t replace
I put my foot on the case, gloating in my feverish win
she fled from the scene and I’d never see her again…
I remember that first impression, in fact I’m seeing it better
breathing in the sheets that we spent sleeping together
now I’m haunted by our problems, always crossing my head
cuz her most lasting impression…
is her outlined indentation pressed on top of my bed
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Chuck D err... 143: this was a fantastic piece. Mr. Vocabulary doesn't disappoint in his specialty as the vocabulary of this piece is quite strong. The word choices theoughout the verse was really well done, this coupled with the rhyme scheme create a nice, viscous flow. The rhyme scheme had lots of internals and multis, keeping me intrigued even more in this piece. The story telling alone, however, would have done thar had the rhyme scheme been weaker. Very nice detailing, great imaging and strong emotion all drawing the reader in. So that's the good, now for the bad....
Great piece here, 143. One of your best this season.
Oatmeal: This was a good piece as well, although I expected more from oatmeal, as I've read much better from him. The vocabulary was pretty good, but your word choices throughout the piece were good, a little hit and miss, as I found some spots to be awkward, murkying up your flow a bit. The concept was pretty good, the story telling could have been better, your images and emotion both were strong. The rhyme scheme was pretty good, nice use of internals and multis.
Vote: Oats had a good piece here, but 143 had a great piece. Overall I liked 143's verse just a little better. Oat's verse seemed a little too rushed.
143
Last edited by trajik; September 19th, 2011 at 08:56 AM
infektedpenz
sorry for not the crazier break down, not on my comp but i figured id dropp a vote while i got some time.
143- great piece, never read too much of your work but it seems as if you stepped it up here, vocab was great content was deep, your schemes were very well placed. i really lked the word choice, flow imo was a bit slow but other than that i realllly enjoyed this piece, the intro captured my attention and i was able to follw and read anxiously, the only thing that i didnt like was the tempo.at times your internals did pick up and speed up your flow which i did enjoy but then they would stop and come back, cool technique but i personally didnt like the tempo too much without the internals and multies. but other than that great piece.
oat, at first
these memories move endlessly, passing in flashes
the subtle bite of your lip while you were batting your lashes
every motionless moment frozen in your casual laughter
the green of your eyes, beaming bright as grass in a pasture
that grabbed me, that last line read a lil awkward, but i still think you were able to recover. flow was nice i believe you did have a bit of a faster tempo then 143 imo, your content was good not your besttt but it was good did draw me into the piece. closed out nicely as well word choice seemed to fit this type of drop cooll approach nothing really bad about this drop imo.
overal i hate doing this but when a battle comes down this close, ima go with a personal liking i liked oats a bit moree i felt it was close in alllllll areas but something whether it was content word choice even tempo pushed me toward oat meals verse. good battle..
vote oats
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I'll start with the quotes i saw from 143:
- i feel as if this was the more powerful part of your piece, and being the end, it made it finish with a lasting ring in my head."The only way to live is to die free, prices that carry toll"
"For the betterment of our children, this will make us whole"
"So raise your fist to defy our cowardly suppressors"
"Let's leave a lasting impression that will spawn our successors!"
The piece in its entirety had a decent-good flow. nothing really choppy, no stretched lines. i enjoyed the concept, nothing EXTRA original, but a title with a different approach to it that i believe you executed well.
- another portion that stood out, had good flow too it and imagery to kinda get a glimpse of what he was drawing with his words.In the mist of it all, I'm a speaker for the people
Keeper of the weaker and meager souls, eager to be equal
Letting my words be lethal injections aurally digested
To leave the evil infected and those morally invested
here are some quotes from oats:
-good opening portion, flow and creativity was there...imagery was good as well, attractive lines to get the reader riled up for more.every motionless moment frozen in your casual laughter
the green of your eyes, beaming bright as grass in a pasture
it was magic - each curve of your immaculate stature
had my imagination captured, heart palpitating faster
i think this piece had more creativity and detail to the story as a whole. imagery was there, i'm not sure if i'm feeling the mood switch at first, but it was a good twist to the story nonetheless instead of 40 lines of praising a chick.
- i like the beginning of your flipped stanza on the "real her"good flow, imagery again, another collar grapping openerbut time slows, unwinding to a flimsy tapestry
and your bitten lips scabbed, causing your callous speech
when you laughed, it was a cackle that would make a banshee shriek
your eyes darkened – envious from the messages you’d demand to see
they say true love has a purpose, and I heard that it’s worth the waitin’
but when it runs in a circle, pussy does a perfect impersonation
I just wanted to hurt her in the most malicious of ways
and speak with an action for the words I’d been itching to say
I started drifting away, and in a vicious display
decided to cheat on her--and worse--fuck some bitch at her place-more great quotes from his piece, this ended on a good noteI remember that first impression, in fact I’m seeing it better
breathing in the sheets that we spent sleeping together
now I’m haunted by our problems, always crossing my head
cuz her most lasting impression…
is her outlined indentation pressed on top of my bed
overall....my vote goes to oats...i just think he executed the given topic with a more interesting and more appealing detailed story, with a twist for readers to not be able to assume what it was going to be like so to say. with 143's drop, it was nice, but as it went on it was more predictable where he was going and that it'd end on a positive note of blacks empowering themselves to take a stand for the present and their future. with oatmeal's you couldn't really just KNOW how it was going to end, which made the read more interesting to see how things would turn out.
The Birth Of Creation
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Storyteller | Cr@$h | JMS | Meth | Celph Taut | Messiah | Bstill | Fatal
BOTW def off top usually I dont read both right away but I wanted to know if it was worth voting and it def was...ok..here we go
I think this is on of the best political pieces I have seen...but what impressed me most is the fact that it fed into the concept given almost perfectly..The rhyme scheme was solid...
I stood 24hrs ago, a nigga with problematic socialism
Amongst like minded types with the same social vision
The imagery was solid...
Speaking on the battles, black fist become skylines
To the impoverished, positive change for future lifetimes
Those werent the only ones worth quoting the last like 8 line/quotes were "quotable" they were a really well articulated...
I dont think this is thne most original concept, but I think the direction you took from "Lasting Impression" was unique/orginal/creatively sound...however you want to say it...veyr nice write bro
Honestly I have to say the first stanza is at par with some of the best writing this site has to offer...Everything down from the metas, rhyme scheme, storyline flawless...
but it was worthless to resist those lips, pursed in discretion
they were blurring your essence…you were perfect in that first impression
this embrace and kiss, in time, would become my only threat --
it drowned the loneliness I clung to since the moment we met
I do think these were some of the best lines this piece had.. My only qualm with this is axtually its strength as nice as the concept was delievered I think the concept was too obvious...I would love to have see you step out the box with this...Some very good writing, top-tier without a doubt...
Vote 143 for a more unique concept I think both were pretty equal in every category this was my only edge...if I could say draw i would but I can't so thanks both for a great read...and individual effort
"the ink of a scholar, is worth a thousand times more, than the blood of a martyr"--lupe fiasco
"I'm sonnin' ya'll like father's day/disrespect pop and get popped like Marvin Gaye" Skillz
WRITTEN VOICES
143: this was a cool drop, i liked the emotion you put into it, really made the story pop. i thought it was a cool take on the topic, and your vocab was strong as usual. I felt as though the piece fell flat a few times throughout, however... like it became stagnant in substance. that was my only gripe.
oatmeal
these memories move endlessly, passing in flashes
the subtle bite of your lip while you were batting your lashes
every motionless moment frozen in your casual laughter
the green of your eyes, beaming bright as grass in a pasture
it was magic - each curve of your immaculate stature
had my imagination captured, heart palpitating faster
whether it was fate, an accident or merely coincidence
it was eerily synchronous the way you played the game I had mastered
oh my dopeness... these lines are packed with some amazingly crafted wit and relevance i am SURE these other voters must have missed. Your intertwined straight brilliance in that stanza while keeping the flow perfect. That's not to take away from the rest of your verse, I just didn't feel like quoting 3/4s of your verse. Great drop, one of the better drops i've read from you, easily.
v/ oat
143, welcome to the SS playoffs, you did not disappoint my good sir. I think the lines above showcase your emotion and raw connection to the topic right off the bat, though it feels like a majority of the time you're not stuck in this piece as it becomes very weak as far as carrying throughout with detail, some lines just seem to hit really well, while others don't have much impact or use in the piece at all. When doing pieces on a topic like this, you've really got to be accurate with the concept and the rest of the mechanics because we've seen it so many times, it just needs help to seem fresh. For me, you did well and I've enjoyed seeing you elevate from the beginning of the season to now, but I just don't really think you gave this piece your full 100 percent imo. Good piece, not great.And the struggle will be to the grave, if it has to be
Getting dastardly with military ways causing catastrophe
In the mist of it all, I'm a speaker for the people
Keeper of the weaker and meager souls, eager to be equal
Oats, that whole section was pretty nasty man. The imagery throughout this piece is very refreshing, almost sarcastic in nature, though it was very honest. I think what makes this such a strong piece of work is the technical aspects of the word placement and everything else, it's just perfectly sound in that regard. I think for me, you've got more than this to offer, but mechanically, you don't have any faults here. Some great work overall, some lines were kinda weaker in substance, but I still dug this shit man, slick drop.it was cancer, expectations left you hunched in discouragement
you thought our love was malnourished n’ my heart pumped with the cure in it
but you huddled in nervousness never trusting my word
we watched Sex in the City…
I called it pleasantly witty, you called me fucking absurd
see that just wasn’t deserved, a punch that struck on a nerve
I just needed a lover…so I drunkenly searched for someone other than her
v/Oats
Legendary Song - Winter Snow
cool battle, 143.. I was feeling your verse man, probably my favourite verse from you yet.. I was digging the concept and how it was written, although the structure could have been a little smoother and the structure and consistency of good lines would fall off at times. still you had pretty solid rhyming and didn't really disappoint at all so well done, nice drop.
oats, another nice concept.. I felt you really delivered this one well, there were only a few lines I wasn't really feeling so props. Your vocab was on point and the flow was there as well as the rhyming. Not too much else to say.
Vote - Oatmeal.. I think 143 definitely brought the heat but oatmeal just edged him out in every category, creativity.. flow.. multies.. vocab etc he was just a little better in all of em imo so I got him winning this.. good battle guys
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