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Thread: Excuse Me While I Singe the Sky

  1. #1
    steel cut oatmeal's Avatar
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    Excuse Me While I Singe the Sky

    KT
    OATMEAL



    Inside what seems an eternal day dream
    watching disaster wrestle with peace
    in the front row of a premier.
    As if under the attack of ecstasy
    palms cupped around the ears
    shaken by an abrupt storm of silence.
    A drop of blood splashes upon my pants
    like a broken faucet dripping repeatedly.
    The panic of helplessness climbs my brain
    like an elevator arriving from my heart.
    As I watch from afar, in a constant stare
    without a blink of an eye, or two.
    The smoke continues to climb
    forming what looks to be a mountain.
    I'm questioned with so many answers
    as I calmly, but surely paint this picture.

    My eyes hold the brush of my imagination,
    its bristles cascade across the canvas of the horizon.
    Strokes of charred oranges and reds ripple towards
    me. Behold! The stunning beauty of the apocalypse!
    Pulsing o'er the pond pensively, perhaps it's appropriate
    to paint this as "ponderous," because if life has taught
    me anything, it is that death is clever. Even when its
    carrier is simple. Or sent for simple reasons. Like,
    "that's mine" or "I don't like this" or "I want that,"
    even if they are premised with a thousand years of
    hate, oppression and turmoil. A vacuum of humanity
    is still a peasant when it's draped as a sultan.
    The omegaton bombastic harbinger meters towards
    me. It's hard to ignore now, but when wasn't it?
    If you were looking, you would have seen its path
    before the smokestack lightning struck.

    That is all, I'm occupied at the moment.
    Last edited by Kaotic Theory; June 10th, 2011 at 12:09 AM

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  2. #2
    steel cut oatmeal's Avatar
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    Re: Excuse Me While I Singe the Sky

    links will come

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  3. #3
    steel cut oatmeal's Avatar
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    Re: Excuse Me While I Singe the Sky


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  4. #4
    Black On Black Philly®'s Avatar
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    Re: Excuse Me While I Singe the Sky

    well written piece.. love the way it started

    "Inside what seems an eternal day dream
    watching disaster wrestle with peace
    in the front row of a premier.
    As if under the attack of ecstasy"


    niceeeeee... especially the first two lines.. dope

    wording in this was on point for the most part a few parts i had to generate my own reading speed.. but honestly thats with any piece as i dont know how u portrayed ur flow.. now the word choice and placement had to be ur strong point as i see this was thought out.. wanted a few more VISUAL words.. but still did the trick... overall good piece

  5. #5
     
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    Re: Excuse Me While I Singe the Sky

    need your other link oats, I don't kt is going to get to it
    ...

  6. #6
    steel cut oatmeal's Avatar
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    Re: Excuse Me While I Singe the Sky

    my apologies, I forgot it in the mix. I'll get it up shortly

    http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/show...760/index.html
    Last edited by oatmeal; June 8th, 2011 at 07:22 AM

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  7. #7
    You've Earned a Custom Title! Ill Humor's Avatar
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    Re: Excuse Me While I Singe the Sky

    i've read this one before, i believe i nominated it as well. very good piece here.

    the imagery was great and there are a few lines that i thought were flawless. I liked the choice words you used. i myself havent reach this level of writing to explain such vividly yet simplistic. I wish i knew something to say as far as improvement wise, because i see nothing that needs to be changed or nothing seems vacant. I've read other things that youve posted and you are truly a good poet. I look forward to reading many many more.

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  8. #8
    Word Of Mouth Kaotic Theory's Avatar
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    Re: Excuse Me While I Singe the Sky

    thanx...and yea oats didnt know you posted this up or i would of grabbed a link.
    enjoy peeps
    AI

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  9. #9
    Word Of Mouth Kaotic Theory's Avatar
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    Re: Excuse Me While I Singe the Sky

    bump..
    AI

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