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Thread: help me make it better

  1. #1
    King of da 440 Sticky da Kid's Avatar
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    Sep 2009
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    Lorain, Oh
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    1-4

    help me make it better

    jus need ur opinion and any pointers u cn give me
    it was a quick "Rip the Bitch above you" verse so i dont expext much



    da kid is a savage, leave ya face smashed in da granite,
    ya flow weak like a calender, so dont fuk wit me maggot,
    well nigga, i had it, bustin loose n i let you have it,
    i followed da rainbow n ended up meetin dis faggot,
    i kno u cant stand it, boy ill toast ya like toof,
    calm n mellow in da streets, but a beast up in da booth,
    seems like yo missions impossible, like a tom wit no cruise,
    witout me u wldnt kno wat to do, like u was hitler wit no jews,
    u think u up in da game, but u really quite low,
    like my eyes n shouldes after i get dun smokin da dro
    Sticky or da Kid, which one if these two is able to write and awe,
    One's business one artistic so its likely they would tie or draw,

  2. #2
    Senator Ricardo El Chapo's Avatar
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    Sep 2002
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    Houston/Charlotte
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    20,028
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    21-6

    Re: help me make it better

    ...To be honest I don't know why you seek pointers on a Rip the Bitch Above You

    but since i'm being honest



    most of your punchlines are played out..like the week,rainbow+fag,tom cruise,

    alot of it is playedout!
    [/url]

  3. #3
    ..Never Stop Searching.. The Incredible Hulk's Avatar
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    Aug 2009
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    Awards 50+ Wins

    Re: help me make it better

    da kid is a savage, leave ya face smashed in da granite,
    ya flow weak like a calender, so dont fuk wit me maggot, < -- put the punch at the end of the line...not at the start...
    well nigga, i had it, bustin loose n i let you have it,
    i followed da rainbow n ended up meetin dis faggot, < --- the first line didnt link in with why you followed the rainbow? you coulda talked about pots of gold etc..
    i kno u cant stand it, boy ill toast ya like toof,
    calm n mellow in da streets, but a beast up in da booth, <--who is this dissing? anybody?
    seems like yo missions impossible, like a tom wit no cruise,
    witout me u wldnt kno wat to do, like u was hitler wit no jews, <--- hitler line was aight,but WHAT wouldnt he know what to do,tom cruise + mission impossible= NO NO..!!lol....
    u think u up in da game, but u really quite low,
    like my eyes n shouldes after i get dun smokin da dro <---- not a punch....didnt hit hard,a metaphore yes,but not a punch

    a few tips..

    * always put your punch at the end of your 2nd line of the bar

    * dont use played lines...people hate reading the same stuff..

    * try and make the 1st line of the bar,link in somehow with the 2nd line/punch

    peace..hope this helped
    Last edited by The Incredible Hulk; September 24th, 2009 at 01:51 PM

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