three ways of seeing

[brokenhalo]

once again hes back yes;with something new to bless
a track for the less fortunate;the kids in the orphanage
with coporate dreams feel like mom should have aborted them
but fuck that they get on there grind like coffee beans
and cherish whatever means more to them; dont lose my nikka
some brilliant people are gated for there own lawlessness
caustic causes bring nausea when police bang down doors for ya
change my perspective;now im the eyes and ears of all of em
omnipotent presence don't mind my ghosty entrance
strange ways remain eccentric like a crack smoking dyslexic
a hidden message if you can catch it;prey on the desperate
stagnate my boy felt his depression in his face
a trey eight blast him into the heavens;now i hope hes resting
;quick to escape his lonely reality that manifested
i rhyme with duality multiplicity every bar surreal real rap synchronicity .


three ways of seeing whats there ,
keep a keen sense if my vision ain't clear
at peace with my self still keep a piece for the squares;
enterin my circle; ill murder you

[sILLable]

i liked it...i dig the multis...structure on point....liked the vocab..the only thing i didnt like was the last line...it was stretched like a whole bar stretched into one line..i liked the line just crowded at the end..other than that..ill..keep spittin.~1~ no links and they'll close your piece.

[brokenhalo]

thanks for the feedback much appreciated


no links whats that mean who will close it?? help me out im new to this site

[Orijin]

this was really dope...was looking for somethin a lil longer...but it's all gravey....

strange ways remain eccentric like a crack smoking dyslexic
a hidden message if you can catch it;prey on the desperate

^ that was raw


Return The Favor...

[143]

I like your rhyme skeme to the verse flowed well like orijin looking for something longer but it was tight.....keep droppin...

[143]

what you have to do is critique someone else drop then right click on the number where you posted in the top right hand corner then copy and paste it here in your thread and repeat....

[Piff Wallace]

this piece didnt grab my attention at all

but fuck that they get on there grind like coffee beans

that line has been said time and time again...try using a different metaphor

the rhyme scheme in my opinion was pretty wack...i would definitely work on counting bars



overall i think you couldve done alot more with the topic..but good effort

[brokenhalo]

thanks for the feedback


real talk tho homey above don't be bitter cause what i said about your rhyme we all have a opinion ain't no need for sour grapes if i hurt your pride we can battle it out

[The Smarter Martyr]

I didn't like your structure that much,was kinda hard for me to follow,there was a lot og good stuff in there though,i head to read it twice,i liked it for the most part it was good...

with coporate dreams feel like mom should have aborted them
but fuck that they get on there grind like coffee beans
and cherish whatever means more to them...

that seemed really weird n stretched,but..maybe thats just because this is purely a text piece,i usually read stuff from an audio stand point...

anyways i feel like im dragging this on..blah...point is.. i liked it.

good deal...stay up.

[brokenhalo]

sorry bout the way its written i usally spit audio myself so i cant really form a tru to form text but thanks for givin the time to read it peace and love

[The Genesis]

lol this whack muhfucka been challenging every damn body to battle on this bitch, all of whom would eat you, I suggest you learn ya place quick, and don't yap outa ya league, stay improving though and cut that rah rah battle shit when you can't back it up.

[brokenhalo]

i only challenge one person another one added them selfs i don't understand why people gotta talk for other people on this site i just want to get some respect and criticism opinions whatever ain't no hate in my blood im just writing i aint suckin off some cat cause he got 500 post and can form a good verse im just writin what i feel .

peace and love.