“The Truest Monster”

[Red Tha Baron]

` . . and there i witness the beast . . ,

It rested its decaying body upon rusted slate and moss
There was a threat but the kin of death restrained chaos.
Meanwhile my brain was lost in a cave of thoughts
Not the brightest idea would shed light on how our fates had crossed.
But here i stood beside the ultimate, willing to pay the cost.
And so i waved my blade anticipating to see flames exhaust.
My sword struck its jaw and it roared such a call
The force from it caused the newly born sun to fall.
Sands of time broke & darkness rose to engulf the earth
I was left with a faint mirage of hope in a false desert.
That monster shaped its neck like an archer does a bow
The air rose in temperature as a molten flood awoke
Fire erupted slow, the flames moved on a crutch of smoke.
Rapid breaths painted the land black in one sudden stroke.
Now all things were shrouded, curtained by an ashtray of tar
But all the worlds a stage, so i passed the curtains to play my part.
The blade was charred, yet still i managed to raise it far. . .
Once i gashed it, i felt its spirit around my neck like saint bernards
With a tight hold, its emptiness then marinated into my soul
I was frozen still when our eyes met, its gaze was ice cold.
Darkness swelled in my veins and i felt a bright flame
Then my frail body became a shell for lifes pains.
I had changed into the race i had contended to finish
Now other men run through me with the senses to end it.
And their efforts mirror my own, preceding my defeat
I look at them. . .
` . . and there i witness the beast . . ,

Old shit, but looking for feedback.
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/show...es-373448.html
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/show...ne-373339.html

[Nikolai]

Pretty dope... Flow was on point throughout except for the odd spot when it like water

Not the brightest idea would shed light on how our fates had crossed

^^ That line stood out to me

Had some nice similies

And so i waved my blade anticipating to see flames exhaust.
My sword struck its jaw and it roared such a call
The force from it caused the newly born sun to fall.

^^ Really liked that whole AAAB rhyme scheme in them 3 lines... Should maybe try it out more

Topic was original and I enjoyed it... Digged the vocab, no complaints
Overall, sick

[Red Tha Baron]

Thanks for the feed, can i get some more?

[*..100%..*]

It Was A Kool Piece Bro.....needs No Explaining

[soulstice.]

is this camarac/rawk/baron mynd?

[Red Tha Baron]

is this camarac/rawk/baron mynd?

No.

[antology]

Dope peice man. I havnt read a peice like this in a while, if i was you id add some more verses and make it a song.

[Johnny 6-feet]

Heavy stuff but easy to read, you had a good sense of metaphors and vocab here and you coupled it with great multi's and flow. The topic was cryptic but i found it more enjoyable to read because of that. You're not a newbie to this are you? You've got the makings of a topical head and i'd like to see more work from you.

Keep posting and please rtf.