Poverty Noticed

[Jon]

Nope, didnt change it at all.
Uppin.

[Jon]

Uppin...Bitches...

[DaMicSnatcher]

I love the flow, the concept, and overall it was real good...keep writin i enjoy readin ya shit

check out my open mic and or poetic scripture thanx

[Jon]

Thanks Uppin.

[ReKey]

He came to school, wearing nothing but ragimuffins
Always avioding vocal abuse, gets treated like nothing
You can find him in the corner, almost always embarressed
No money for lunch, in tramendous debt he confessed
Walking slowly to class, the man gets mugged by thugs
For no reason I guess, you see blood stains on the rug
Making failing grades, he doesnt play any sports at all
Abundently standing tall, but no tutor will awnser his call
But after what I saw, I think yall should know about it
He gets thrown around like a rag doll, he fell from one hit
The fatal blow from the fist, no reason, that visious kid
Battered.....Brusied.....Tattered and his poor nose adjusted
.
.
30 Years later, The story continues yet exactly the same
Except now it gets worse, he's introduced to the big game
Street fights, late nights, trying to make a living the hard way
Worring about his life, dwelling on his concrete curb all day
It was tempting to comfert him, but my whim soon took over
Remembering back when, we believed luck came from clovers
I walked by, seeing he was hung over, and gave him a kind smile
He saw me and said "Hows it going, havent seen you in a while"
"Same here, things not goin to good for you eh?", I said nervous
He said suprisingly "I've never had a better home then this curb is"
I knew his mind was blown, from inhaling drugs and alcohol....
Officially wasted, I told him not to move, or he might fall...
Then I went to get help, thinking the local shelter would be nice
So I began asking around, keeping him from ice and betting dice
.
.
I finally found a willing home, at least for the cold dredfull winter
Walking back to his curb, after I got him food at the health center
Happily I was almost there, then I heard an familure screaming voice
There he lay, dead, with blood every where, a knife was the choice
I then cried.... Despite not really knowing the man in such poverty
..I was the only one at the funeral, and I spoke words to thee.......
"God, why would you pull such a horrible moral uppon this man?"
"He was never angry, Is it my fault? Take me too if you can...."

TIGHT

[Jon]

Uppin.

[P. Mortuus]

This was good, i liked the flow and storyline, vocab in some parts was a lil simple but the whole thing managed to cover it, I liked how from a 2nd person perspective you went to a 1st person on the last verse.......It's good, keep it up

Can ya check this, thanks:
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=273649

[Rex]

A lot of the words didn't end up rhyming. Concept was fine, I guess. It's the one you chose, so I can't really say anything much. But it wasn't an eye grabber. The title, to me, suggests something way more serious and important than some kid in school. So... better word choice, more complexity in the lines, and you should be straight. I've definitely seen worse. Keep it up.

[Jon]

Uppin..

[ace baby]

nice deep as hell niggah i was feelin this won right here. nice flow nice vocab errthing niggah keep doin what you do its comin off tight niggah. you aint knew to the game yo skills show that keep movin niggah

[Jon]

thanks.. Uppin.

[Jon]

Uppin.

[Ryder G]

Hall Of fame 4real
this was deep
i liked the way everything went 2gether good job homes

[Jon]

Thanks.. Uppin.

[Jon]

Ight, only a few more ups left in this peice.