Shadow

[Plexus]

SHADOW


Just an outline on the wall, an outline on the pavement, following you everywhere
you 1st notice it, but ignore it as if you never even seem to know it or even care
but its intriguing to you, catching your eye everytime you glance in its direction
at first you feel a little afraid and worried, but at the same time in its protection
but still you seem unknowing of it to familys, to the shadow,and everyone around
still uncertain if it follows you in a hurtfull way, or a good one, it never makes a sound
as the days and months go by, the shadow continues to be by your side every step
you begin to feel and become familiar with it, but still a lttle tense, and self kept
and you notice it never leaves your side, through thick and thin its always there
even when your mad and upset, and unleash the fury on it, the shadow still cares
more months pass, a space in your heart opens for it, and you feel alive around it
notice that even when noonelse is there when your hurt, it is along with an aid kit
your compassion for it grows stronger as the harder times come, and it stays with you
and all of a sudden it had hit you, with undeniable strength, you loved it and you knew
but for some odd reason when your roughest time came, it was nowhere in sight
you revisit where you 1st saw the shadow, but it wasnt there, all you felt was fright
you went home, straight to your room, and cried in despret need of its affection
you think, maybe if i cry, it'll come, maybe if i smile, it'll come, still no detection
the months pass and you have finally graduated high school,but the memorys remain
you take a walk alone, to try to forget it,and suddenly a gentle grasp has you in detain
the shadow, and your heart falls to your stomach as you look into its eyes, and remeber
very cold, it takes off its jacket and covers you up, snow fall, start of december
but the only thing you could say was, "Why?. When i most needed you, you just left"
He whispers "No my sweety, I was always here, becuze in my heart...it was you i kept"

[Plexus]

heres my 2 links

http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=244424


http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=241887

[.Silence.]

I was really feeling this right here homie.You had a good topic along with a good storylne behind it.Also I like the way you used your Imagry and emotion its like you can picture and feel whats going on.Also your structure was good and you really got into description of this piece.And you used your words real good too.Keep up the good work maybe we can do a collab sometime.

[Plexus]

thanks i appreciate it....uppin for feedback please

[Dat]

but the only thing you could say was, "Why?. When i most needed you, you just left"
He whispers "No my sweety, I was always here, becuze in my heart...it was you i kept"

Dope.

Nice piece, this could have had a bit more emotion in, but for your age - you had some amazing literature. I like the way you talked about the shadow.. Kind of metaphorical, but then it kind of made me think 'huh' when you said how it left. I mean how can your shadow just leave you lol... But i see where you took it and it wasnt a bad thing.
Wording of lines was brilliant, you had nice rhythm in the lines.. easy to read, and that last bit just Owned 90% of OMs being dropped by people these days.
Nice work dude Keep it up.

Rtf on any in my sig, thanks.

[Plexus]

thanks for the feedback......and i hit you april child one up....VERY NICE.....uppin for feedback please

[BigBoss]

yo, this was real tight bro... im too tired to give anybetter feedback, ill try and come back tomorrow and give better feed homie..
check out the link in my sig...
peace,
-Boss

[Plexus]

aight thanks....uppin for more feedback please

[Trema]

i liked this piece, pure talent. Your vocab stood out the most in this piece and you had some good rhymes in this-i felt the emotion in this piece. I mean it could of been been better but i cnt hat you have talent and you proved it in this piece, keep it up

[warchild]

Yes this was a dope verse, the concept was real good and you did justice to the concept but you also outdid the concept with some really good answers and questions this piece really impressed me. Your story telling skills are really strong so i think you'd be a very good topical writer. Your vocab was impressive but not overused so your content was very easy to understand but it was still very deep. Your imagery was also good it helped you get the emotion in the piece to shine you was giving answers to questions and actually made the shadow a character instead of just telling it from one perspective. Your flow was average that was the only thing i could criticise try and work in some multies to your pieces just to make them slightly more complex than they already are. But overall this was a really good piece this is the third dope Om ive read today it looks like the forum is improving.
Return the feed on my new OM:
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=244305

[Plexus]

thanks everyone...i appreciate it...uppin for more feedback

[Spekz]

cha playa great write..

my favorite bars were ur opener and ur closer! which was just amazing...it made me read from start to finish, and i was like damn when i started..and like wow when i ended ....like everyone keeps sayin...ur imagery kept this piece alive. Thought u really elaborated on the topic to its fullest extent..not 2 mention each line was just JAMMED PACK of everything a good piece needs. I give you mad props with really stickin to the topic with everything you had!...great write!..keep upz

[Ack Scent]

Woah, that was crazy nice man. It was complex with that hint of simplicity so you don't feel like its above you. This is damn near perfection. It was a nice topic too something different from the normal and I like that, something creative and outgoing. The vocab was complex but not too much so, the flow was on point, the lyrics and rhyme scheme came all too correct and the actual verse was just... nice. I'm diggin this verse man, keep it up.

[Mic D]

nice....concept original.......nice read.....but your barz are stretched so it read more like poetry....but overall it is an aight read

[Plexus]

thanks for yalls feed i appreciate it