Bored So Jus Written

[YunG SpittAh]

yo im on vacation and im in Selma, Alabama for 4th of july//
its only tha 3rd buh 2morow i will watch tha fireworks multiply//
i wish i wuhz back in florida where all mah homboiz b//
rico jose tarance and david aka daebosqueezy//(not namin all)
i also wish i wuhz dea with dem fyne ass dimez//
so i guess wat im really sayin wuhz comin hea was a waste of time//
next time they ask me to come here ima jus have 2 decline//
all there is really here is grown upz talkin//
im sittin here lookin at mah watch tickin and tockin//
wen da hell am i gonna get out thiz state//
im not here 2 hear all da grownupz conversate//
well i hope 2 morow is more funner then today//
im so dam bored i'll prolly have more fun playin with clay//
right now im watchin the bill cosby show//
im jus writin dis becuhz im bored and tryna work on my flow//
if u think i suck well den fuk u//
ur opinion aint gon stop me ima do wah i do//
u mite b beddah then me buh i dont give fuk//
im just enterin da rap game and need best of luck//
i got a mic but im not ready for audio battlez//
bitches prolly beat me so bad ill go back to 1989 shakin mah rattle//
buh when im ready for da mic then ill spit//
until then ill try 2 sharpen my skillz with this text shit//
there sum people dat i wanna give a shoutout//
im not sayin no namez buh thx fo helpin me out//\
well dis borinay is aout 2 end//
im bout 2 go 2 bed so dis borin day wont extend.


yo give me some feedback i know its not that good buh im tryna get better ~1~ thx ... all hataz FUCK U ~!~!~!WROTE ON SUNDAY NIGHT!~!~!~

[YunG SpittAh]

can i plz get feedback ? thx

[YunG SpittAh]

dam no feedback ? thatz cold

[Hype]

u need to elevate homey i dont no if u was tryin or any thing but try working on using multis, puttin some punchlines n metaphores n ya shit, also try usin some word play

no hate jus tryin to help u out.

1

[.Symbol.]

loose the // at the end of each line for real
I didnt like ya whole verse overall
it was like a newbe verse
imagery was eh and didnt see something that caught my eye
dont give up though keep at it
if you do you'll get better
overall: 5/10

[Foreshadow]

^ agreed..
But this wasn't my type of open mic.. I'm not really into the whole dimes and talking like I'm hood or anything so this piece doesnt connect with me.. But keep elevating and other newbs will connect with this.