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Thread: a diction

  1. #1
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    a diction

    with eyes still all shackled
    in the blindest of traps, i'll;
    risk my life, flick the lights on & rise to do battle
    surprisingly rattled, now
    i shake the five o'clock shadow;
    coffee soaks in, for the moment life's defined by a tangle. .

    a rec-tangle, that is.
    & i gaze at it as a raving addict.
    taking in my facial mask as one of life's contagious facets
    a favorite practice, guiltily. .
    sure, the word may be right -
    but, i continue carefully, glimpsing in obscure shades of light.
    from the right to the left, now
    in spite & contempt. .
    one illfated glimpse make tangle & life seem unkempt
    entitled to sense, mine fail
    & even stifle my rep, when -
    a late or a tardy equates to an hour of untitled detention

    the world calls, now
    i laugh & don't accept the charges
    a regretful car spins wheels, my startled heels
    are incredibly charged, when. .
    i catch that PERFECT glimpse,
    & i'm finally cool.
    til i realize: my smile's here. .
    that is, three miles from school.

    this is addiction - & my only one.


    my high

  2. #2
    LiTeSknBaby F.A.M.'s Avatar
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    nice vocab altho spelled some wrong,,and a couple i dont know what mean..it was a cool drop...the topic was unknown but it was cool keep spittin...

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  3. #3
    NONCENTZ AKA WORD~PERFECT noncentz's Avatar
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    not bad i can appreciate this it had its flair
    to love something,is to die for it ,if you do, your a martyr , but these days music is morbid, false carters ..prohet's for prophet no lie, look how our last martyr was crucified. to put it in it symplicity, you aint true...you wouldnt sacrifice a few dollars for authenticity..

  4. #4
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    honestly - i'd say i appreciate
    the feedback. but there's not
    one word spelled wrong, you
    asshole.

  5. #5
    CD for Free DL! Mixtape's Avatar
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    to tell you the honest truth man......
    i wasnt really feeling this rhyme, there was no good flow to me, the structure wasnt great at all...it was pretty bad....the rhyming words were complex though....not very basic which is good....the rhyme scheme was very basic man....try multi's, and put some more meta's in, try some new stuff, i would suggest reading some tutorials for some elevation tips....im not hating on you man, so dont think that....just trying to get you to elevate....im only trying to help you people...nothing to do with i hate you and stuff like that..

    return the favor if you have time....reply to one of my Open Mics in my sig....peace

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  6. #6
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    You need to leave 2 links to 2 open mics that you left decent feedback on or this gets closed, Thanks.

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