Bang Bang

[Youthanasia]

Before I get into this I'm a have to announce/
This is my first year paying for no one else's accounts/
My lyrics look so nice you wanna step to and flirt/
I spit so many long verses my tongue starts to hurt/
But like King Arthur said, "It's time to battle!"
I hold Thor's hammer, all you got is a baby's rattle/
My intelligence will make you feel embarrassed by far/
Like you in the White House naked clutching a soggy cigar/
I create more styles than the fashion designer Versache/
Your style is low budget like that Spanish film 'El Mariachi'/
But like Desperado, I'm something new and improved/
You bite rhymes so much that your mouth gets sued/
Stop shouting all this bravado bullshit for your own protection/
The only lethal weapon you own is in your porno collection/
I don't care what you think or what you have to say/
You have a fantasy of you fucking the B2K/
It's time for my motivation to be your elavation/
Cuz my vocation becomes your own infatuation/
My salvation redeems you like heavy medication/
You suffer alienation cuz of your head's complication/
I heard you wanna be in my organization... If you pass my certification/
Cuz next to me, you'd be deemed my creation from my innovation/
Your primitive brain can't even sustain these words I'm spraying/
It'll get your head banging like your momma's migraine/
Now I ask for you respect, but please don't adore me/
Or I'll get embarrassed like a virgin at an orgy/
Cuz I don't deserve worship like Thunder Cats do to Lionel/
So keep that worship until the Lakers win a Finals/
Now your rhymes are as weak as watered down beer/
This industry will eat you alive so choose another career/
Stop letting your lyrics flop and fall out on my page/
Or I'll be like a drunk driver in the midst of road rage/
I'll strike your nerve endings and leave a message in your brain/
The message is so strong it leaves a roadblock in your veins/
I'll take away your final spirit, which means your final breath/
You reach for your inhaler, but uh oh, there's nothing left/
Your bloodstream is drowning with amphetamines/
Causing you to dream of me the lyrical machine/
If you wanna solve rap science and see the answer... join my team/
Or go find another squad where the definition of terror is to lean/
When you're finish reading my verse don't get too vex/
Sorry, some of my English slang won't translate into text/
I think you regret joining this fight like I did my last car crash/
To ease my mind I had to roll a blunt from my stash/
Now you should stick to pizza delivery or you'll be dropped on my landmines/
Disintergrating your disabled ass words and your non-moving rhymes/
So before I make my exit to the thunderous applause/
I'll autograph your girl's pussy while she's on all four claws/
Give twelve hundred back shots and call her a whore/
Steal the money she would have gave you and kick her out of my door/
But she'll crawl back asking for more... and that's for sure/

This is my freestyle verse I wrote in my math class today when me and my friend were having a "silent battle." Out of the 5 voters, I won 5-to-0. A full sweep. Give me feedback on what you think. I may not be too good, but your evaluations will help me...

[Boy Nova]

Since youve postd a grand total of 3 times this was a hot drop, the vocab was very good the structure needs a lil work as does the flow but all in all a good read. After a few more drops im sure youll only get better. So overall it was good kid, keep it coming.
Holla back at ya boy and review my latest drop on the link below.

http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=157668

[Fel#ny]

youth, ya rhymes were tight... it flowed well... and the vocab was happening... like nova said for ya 3rd drop this shit was hot... keep repping boy.
PEACE

[Social_Outsyder]

damn soon nice that was tight liked it alot man liked it alot

[Mistral]

You need to leave 2 links to 2 open mics that you left decent feedback on or this gets closed, Thanks.

[maj1c]

8/10 For Flow
9/10 For Rhyme Scheme
7/10 For Creativity

Ur Piece Was Well Thought Out, Seein U Only Have 3 Posts, Dat Shit Is Pretty Sick. U Could Do Wit A Bit More Complex Vocab, I Found That Most Of Ur Rymes Were Predictable At Times, But Altogether I Liked Ya Flow, The Piece Could Be Shorter But Sometimes More Is More. Keep It Up And Drop Mine Sum Feed.

[Youthanasia]

Thanks for the feedback. This should all help me very much in the future. Anymore?....

[Ion Metatron]

Not Bad, Had a nice little flow once I caught on to it.. A few lines were misses but that a given.. I'd like to see more Multi ryhming from you in the future.. should be niceness.

Keep bangin'