Up!!!
Up!!!
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Open Mics:
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com'n..
PandorasBox
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upping damnit
PandorasBox
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yeah i was feeling this ur flow was on point i loved how u exspressed ya self structure was cool to nice drop 7/10 *ONE*
SB
^thanks.
too bad more people can't do that
PandorasBox
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up.
PandorasBox
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yo man, this piece was great
the flow was crazy, it was very well constructed and it was ery consistent all the way thru, the thouhgts and phrases and concepts put into this really kep me thinking, it was cool, kept me reading all the ay thru, the vocab was good too, i thought it was deep tho, liike i said a lot of thought put into this it seems
good piece man, keep at it
peace, can you please leave feedback on this for me, thanx
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/show...39#post1460139
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^yup. I'll check it when I get a chance.. too late now..
and I'm kinda tipsy..
MORE PEOPLE FEEDBACK.. please?
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yeeeee...upp
PandorasBox
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blah. up.
PandorasBox
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yeah man, I see you're struggling with replies
lol
anyway
this was above average.
but to me, it was sort of bland.
It was a decent read, but I wasnt really impressed.
The line length and structure was good, but its like you sacrificed good flow for even line length.
lol, I hope that made sense to you.
I understood it and everything, but, like I said, it was a decent read, but bland.
but, above average.
Im going to leave this peice at a 7/10
I've peeped a few of your other open mics though.
you're Not bad, not bad at all.
but, like all of us, you need to elevate.
peace.
thanks man. always room for elevation...
as u can see starting with my top OM and going down
but yea, good feedback..
I thought my flow was pretty on-tact,
didn't really watch line length when I wrote it
but, we all see it different... thats why I need more feedback
com'n peeps...
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Two days, two years, two tears, and one life
Depression sets in and one must live this strife
^very nicee worded....
liked it...stay up
peace
holla.. uppin for the hell of it....
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Two faced
Inner struggles to find a clue, one masked identity
One person, one mind, two sides of this sanity
Life has landed me, a dilemma of my description
Health officials have not one prescribed prescription
This a simple case of one life's born addiction...
Or a forlorning of God's last and final prediction
I like this alot.. Its simple, yet in depth at the same time so makes it pretty easy to translate.. Basically your talkin about a schitzo... Except a new breed of schitzo cause theres no prescription (thereputic can be considered a prescription)... Nice work..
Two eyes, two hands, two legs, and one face
Hidden face beneath race, linked and laced
Time and space, other cases of my disgrace?
Make haste to find answers, satisfy mind's taste
But is it a waste, if life's obscurities stay true...
And I base life, on being two, like me and you
I liked these lines alot.. Even though your two different people you still only have two hands, legs ect... Meaning your a schitzo, but worded very nicely... "and I base life, on being two, like me and you"... Beautiful comparison, it says it all, thats my fav. line sop far...
Two ways, two angles, one direction of the flow
Choose which way to go, but mind's at cross roads
Interweiving and mixing of this and that ideas
Lead us, or just me, one person, you can't see us
Red and green lights, but I'm stuck at caution...
A blockage of two sides, but couldn't help flossin'
First lines saying you have two different ways of thinking, but the voice saying whatever you think will always sound the same.. It seems your explaining schitzofrenia using four different examples, I like this alot.. Some nice metaphors in there..
Two days, two years, two tears, and one life
Depression sets in and one must live this strife
One person, one mind, imperfection of one line
Two sides, two basic numbers, should be fine?
Line- one's anxious feelings can't ever surpass
Truth be told... or is it a dream and not a fact
I wasnt feeling this last verse as much as the others, but it was it was still nice dont get me wrong.. Your saying one day is lived by two people in one body.. Nice and in depth this piece....
I really enjoyed this piece, straight and two the point, yet very in depth at the same time.. Your metaphorical use is very nice... Had some nice internals in there made all the much doper.. You very talented, dont stop writing bro..
8.5/10
Try adding some multis it'll spice it up a bit more.. Thats all youd really need to work on for this piece.. Nice work, keep at it.
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