upp
upp
A few achievements here and there
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few more opinions?
A few achievements here and there
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good argee wit them u did lack structure but overall good
jo u should edit it so u could fix the structure and add on some things
upp
A few achievements here and there
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still waitin for Penksills and Smoka to edit in their comments
A few achievements here and there
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upp
A few achievements here and there
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DAMN!
The emotion in this was HEAVY.
Very deep peice, i like it...
Very very very.. interesting..
Keep it up.
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Its been said... your strucure and internals were lacking heavily...
Your rhyme pattern was horrid in the first stanza...
However.. you came off with some great emotion and imagery...
If you wroked out the technical flaws in this, you would have a great piece
Keep writing and improving.... = )
the structure was ok i guess, but could have been greatly improved, maybe it was the way you layed it out..anyway, this was emotional, and i like that, one thing that struck me was the line about the character licking the blood from his wrist and savouring the taste, that cannibalistic line really hit this piece of, that was the crescendo line for me, really nicely written as a whole.
i will peep your other piece, just give me a few minutes...i want you to love me forever..
Def Poets
yo this was a nice peace i like how the flow went, u had a fairly good dtructure and the rhymin in this waz tight, and the overall this was a pretty good drop holla
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