Reverse Directions

internal thoughts creepin..... beautiful women sleepin
memories of years ago replay replay replay
light breaks into the darkness internally interupts thoughts....
sometimes tragic events produce the spark..
the spark to start actually living..
actually realize the air that your breathing, expands the chest cavity leaving...
your spirit awakened...
The feeling that I get when I remeber the shit that I regret..
Leaves me feeling doubtful that I will make the same mistakes..
earthquakes, death and the screams of the dieing...
I rememeber her face, contorted fearful and crying...
tragedy, was it the lying? or the drunken fits of rage,
insane how the women took all the evil that I had to give..
took it in and with one breath continued to live,
flashed me a look with the beautiful blue eyes..
a look that said that she didnt mind..
reversal now, how sad how I crack with things go wrong
different meanings lifes progession seeming,
like an angel singing to me, leaving me shaking in my bed in a cold sweat,
understanding thats theres more too life too live yet..
a single water droplet drops on a mirror like pond
in the middle of nowhere effects everything
a baby facing a difficult life decided to continue on
an 80 year old man deciding to end it now.
a family devistated by the choice he made.
across the country the man who will change the world forever
the kids tease him and call him unclever
back tract, reverse directions
bass pounds your intestines.
undecided hard choices with these voices screaming..
listening with ears wide open struggling with the meaning..
feeling my way through it all
like the blind man through a maze amazed by the texture.
the feeling of the velvet covered walls.
purple silken drapes circling sunken feet deep
each and everyway that you might think..
again reverse directions..
reverse directions inspecting the deck edging
wondering eactly how far it would be to fall
fall from the top far from greatness
your morbid friends debate this.
I hate this, again the angel sings
brings me back into reality
again another sunrise having to start the day
starting it on my knees I start to pray
lord, father, please keep me sane.
sane enough to endure the pain..
to force march through the driving rain..
its cold now and my bones ache
I feel like a lost child in an empty warehouse.
rusty sharp metalic machines threaten me
eager to tear open my skin an infect
I brush up against one muttering what the heck...
the dark warm sensation
pouring over skin, moving every hair folecule
drip drip drip on the floor
loss life force makes me ravenous
could eat a small village
I decide that a small city is what I need
I find one a rejoice the voice continues to echo
very loud, energizing, into my heart and soul
I look up and the clouds part
sunshine embraces my being
I feel at piece at least for a second.
maybe a second is all I need.
back to underwater drowning...




http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/show...977/index.html

http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/show...572/index.html

am i having deja vu or did i read this poem before?? or at least the beginning of it...

lol the begining of it.. When I posted it for some reason I only posted Half.. good look on the first critique maybe you can peep the rest and let me know what you think man.

thanks pz

I feel like a lost child in an empty warehouse.
rusty sharp metalic machines threaten me
eager to tear open my skin an infect
I brush up against one muttering what the heck...
the dark warm sensation
pouring over skin, moving every hair folecule
drip drip drip on the floor
loss life force makes me ravenous

I think I peeped it when you dropped the first half and i liked the parts you added to it....these lines were really good, it was kinda like you got into the zone on the rest of the piece.

the imagery of a child lost in a metallic warehouse about to be torn apart by some serrated machines was really vivid in my mind at least.

nice imagery and good poem,, some peeps might not peep cause its a lil' lenghty.

a single water droplet drops on a mirror like pond
in the middle of nowhere effects everything

the feeling of the velvet covered walls.
purple silken drapes circling sunken feet deep

very loud, energizing, into my heart and soul
back to underwater drowning...

some good imagery going on here, some a little obvious too, a lot of water in this piece, sinking feelings, maybe not so much you but those around you... bastard
;D
enjoyed this, pretty raw and fluid, nice burst of shit, good work, i'll look out for more

gonna bump this up one last time..

I wrote this drop while listening to some pretty intense instrumentals.. I wrote it in about 15 min and wrote whatever came to mind.. Please forgive my formatting or lack thereof.. I have been trying to write in the moment and in one mood.. I do not go back and edit because I think something will sound better, or something ends up sounding used and unoriginal.. Much to my detriment I guess.. However I’m looking for a few more comments and feedback.. Thank you, any advice given should be well received..

Have a great day ..

bump

Some people might say it was too simple; that there weren’t enough complex concepts. The language was too common. But to me that’s the beauty of this piece – its simplicity. I loved the rawness of it all. I enjoyed how the repetition of certain words would lead into separate yet interconnected ideas. Everything seemed to be relevant to the whole. However, the only grip I have with this poem is that there weren’t enough positive images to contrast the significance of the negative ideas. Then again, I suppose that is where the reader’s life experiences should come into play...in terms of relative emotions. Overall, I think you did a great job expressing yourself in a way that everyone can relate to. This piece was very subtle yet intense at the same time. And I could empathize with a lot of the confusion and despair you depicted. And, although, lengthy I didn’t feel burden or boggled down by the read. In fact, I felt entertained the entire way through. Long story short…it was a great read. Keep posting man, I enjoy peeping your material. Pz

awesome, forgot I dropped this.. Up last time.