Life - My first REAL rap song (audio and lyrics)

This is my first real rap song, 16 bars and all.

https://youtu.be/VbU6xrHU6II

Lyrics:

1. yo check it out, yo check it out, yo check it out, im a rap a-

2 bout what i feel, im a rap about what is real, is life really

3. real or is it just a dream we can't escape from, who are you? who

4. am i? and why do we try so hard to get by? i don't know why

5. little kids got to cry and old folks have to die, someone tell me

6. why, someone tell me why, is God up in the sky and does

7. he even care that life is a nightmare? is it really fair for

8. for(mess up) us to cry out in despair, there must be a reason for all

9. the pain and tears, humankind has suffered for thousands of years, when

10. will it end? will we pretend that nothing is wrong and that human-

11. kind will never get along? if i could die just to give this world

12. peace my soul would finally be at ease, if i could die just to

13. give this world peace, my soul would finally be at ease I love this

14. world so much, i don't want to die, but if my death shall end your pain

15. then remember me i did not die in vain, i'll be smiling from

16. above looking down at all the beautiful people that i love

so, im going to try to keep this feedback as encouraging as i can possibly be ..

right off the bat, im not even going to worry about quality... it sounds like your just playing a beat and rapping over it... and thats fine. work with whatever you have for the time being.

starting out, most of us go through this phase where we are simply trying to figure out flow. you are at least following all the bar measures, so it shows you do have a basic understanding of the anatomy of a beat. Its the comfort level you lack. You just cant seem to really find the pocket and dig yourself into it. Also, sounds like you just wrote lyrics and your kind of just reading them over the beat. I would suggest to have at least most of the lines memorized. you should only be reading off the rhyme sheet as a point of reference and help to remember the spots in the verse that you have forgotten. That will help you not sound so stiff and robotic.

Before even going into other areas, i think you should stay on a path of just writing to the actual beat. memorize as much of the verse as you can... and dont just read the lyrics. put your heart behind them and let loose on the beat. the vocal animations and the emotion behind the words is what sells it to the listener. . . just work on being more animated and ironing out your flow then we can start developing the other areas that need work. It dont even hurt to try to mimic other artists you like at first ... try to sound like them and it will exercise your voice .... then you can start finding your own voice.

this is all learned through time and practice.... just keep spitting and i promise at some point things are going to start clicking and you will get better

Yooooo. Welcome to rap! I'm going to be straight up with you. In 04' I posted a song on this site for the first time and basically got laughed off it. It pissed me off and broke me. I thought everyone was wrong and they couldn't see my genius or understand me. I was wrong. I was young and new to the game. There are people who are naturally talented and there are skilled people. You're brand new on the mic and the best advice I can give you is to grind like crazy if you love this. Keep your work here and write everyday. Practice free styling, rap your favorite verses over multiple beats and find your pocket. Rap your favorite artists verses behind yours and study what makes it different. Find your voice and let that shit fly. Never be scared on the mic. Do you, keep writing and record often. You have some deep lyrics in here, but I couldn't feel them based on your delivery. If you're talking about life and death, use your voice to make me feel it. I don't want to just hear words. I look forward to hearing your next track. Bring that emotion and welcome to the rap world. It's a beautiful place to be.

Definitely sounds like a first rap. There's no right or wrong way to do it. But listening and seeing how you have this typed out, you need to work on your bar format. 16 bars in song writing is based on a bar count. Even turning the song off and reading your lyrics it's hard to find one. never mind 16. watch a youtube video on how to write a rap verse or something like that if what I'm saying doesn't make sense. Other than that, just keep practicing if you have the passion for it.

Yeah (I thought I gave feedback on this already but it's gone) this is definitely a first rap song but you gotta keep pushing and making content to improve for sure. Everybody has a starting point and this is yours. The more you create and create and draw influence from your peers and artists you like to listen to, the more you'll become your own artist and begin to take a shape of your own. Some artists on the come up make the mistake of trying to emulate rappers rather than be themselves. Your writing appears to be genuine and authentic, you just really need to work on mechanics like flow/riding a beat, pronunciation, structuring your lyrics to fit the beat better in general, and even harnessing a sound of your own and some more confidence so that your voice is less shaky and more prominent on a track. It takes time and effort. I probably made 100+ actual songs before I was becoming happy with my sound at all. I like to compare it to how a mechanic working on a car isn't a mechanic on their first car...they have to study, watch other mechanics, and learn the inner workings of the car before they're even good at what they do. You've got to put the time in. Much love.

thanks guys. i did write this late at night, past midnight actually. i was tired after writing it and i used my phone to record it. i stumbled on a random beat lol. i mustve took like 4 or 5 tries before the final recording so i was kinda tired and out of breath. i havent written rhymes in a while but someday ill get back to it.