..For Everything..

I loved to just scribble and let my mind snap-free
For Very few things in my life made me happy..
And when all the stress came on to entrap me..
The pen on the paper was what let the strap free.
Caught in a thought, completely distraught-were,
the only things keeping my head above water..
But rough waves, they brought-blur, I let that drown my sight
For its been a while since I sat down to write.............................


Last Night.....I cried.

For everything we were, everything we never can be,
Every time you love me, every time you can't stand me.
For everything I need, everything you deny to me,
Every time I listened, every time you lied to me.
For everything we shout, everything we never say,
everything we feel, everything we don’t display.
For everything I treasure, everything you take for granted,
all the sweet nothings, never mentioned, never chanted.
For every time I don't want to, every time I do anyway,
every time I reach out, every time you push my hand away.
For every time I was faithful, every time you still suspected.
Every time I cried, left alone, left neglected.
For every time I had a comeback, every time you raised your hand,
Every time that I explained, and you couldn’t understand.
For every time I waited up, and every time you never came,
Every time I was the victim, but every time I was to blame.
For every time I was hopeful, every time you proved me wrong,
Every time I sang the words, of another sad song.
For every time I was scared, every time you left me crying.
Every time I smiled, but inside I was dying.
For every time you crossed the line, and every time I took you back.
All the instances of love that need the qualities we lack.
Every insult struck a nerve, every grin and bitter word,
Every thing that I’ve put up with, everything I don’t deserve.

I realize now, though it took a lot of trying..
I’m ready to move on..I’m ready to stop crying.




..This might have seemed simplistic to some, but its about as real as it gets for me right now..When I first wrote it, it didnt even rhyme..Just a big mess of self-recovery.......Maybe someone enjoyed it.

I don't peep this part of the forum much but this was good yo I see you been rippin shit over here for a while as long as I can remember



Do you have aim ? if so hit me up blackflame1821

Unlike Black Flame, I do peep this forum quite often. So often in fact that I have a refigerator over there full of left over food, and a spare matress over there that I often sleep on when I'm sleeping on threads.

It's like... like y'know... like... cold. Like shivering cold. Like warm, but warmth of tension. Hot, but not passion, anger. Mild, drenched in sorrow. Soaked in sin, pity. Pity of sin. City of sin? I'm going to stop babbling on now cause I'm not making sense.

This was one of those poems in which the reader looks not necesserially at what the author is doing but rather taking note what the author isn't doing. What the author isn't writing, it's important to. Know what I'm saying? I hope so, cause it's hard to explain. I mean, it's like you wrote everything. And by everything I mean you wrote the word everything. And you wrote every time. But everything and every time can lead to a multitude of possibilitys that you narrowed down to specific feelings and into specific emotions.

~
For every time I don't want to, every time I do anyway,
every time I reach out, every time you push my hand away.
For every time I was faithful, every time you still suspected.
Every time I cried, left alone, left neglected.
~

That part really caught my eye at first. Not wanting to do something but doing it anyway is an odd juxtoposition of a relationship. Sometimes it's good, like, I don't want to, but I'll bail you out of prison anyway. Sometimes it's bad, real bad. Like, I don't want to, but I'll suck on your toes anyway. (Especially since all but my own feet make my tummy feel funny.) I could quite honestly write my own interpetation of this poem, and write a long in depth personification of each line. But then that would make you paying attention to what I am doing, rather than taking note to what I am not doing. What I'm not writing, it's important too. Know what I'm saying?

this was fuck'n ill... girl this was one of the best poems i've ever peeped here....

noth'n much else to say...

rat'n....9/10

i had to read this 2 times. it flipped my head with the expresion in your approach. this was off the walls. the begining came off madd original. then when you droped " last nite i cried " and just wrote your heart. that was an ill flip. madd prop to the aproach in this.

peace

this definetly depicted the emotions of a lady/female o what have you...nah mean...ma this was beautifyl...the scheme was nice..ya flow was nice...ya vocab a lil off due to some miss wordin n ish...but this was beautiful..it made me think of y girl...n how she must feel sometimes

i dont give out compliments much ma...but you really hit the mark on this one...out of all the drops ive seen from you...this is onna ya best drops ive seen...beautiful ma an im bein real

holla

one...hunnet

DaGyrlRemarqabL?... damn

made an impact on me, sorry i've never peeped anything else from you in the past... i was kind of busy living a life that was mine and wasn't at the same time... so its koo now that i'm shown the light of writers out there who got the real goods to spread emotion... i felt this... i respect you...

peace








•

ThankYouThankYouThankYouThankYouThankYouThankYou to EVERRRRYONE who replied to this..I really realllly appreciate..I was on a downward spiral and every comment on here is slowly taking me back up. Meansa lot.

Fuk me...this was one hell of a piece...

....i read it twice...just to grasp the 'echoing' power of it...made so prominent by the constant (and effective) use of the every (whether as everytinme or everything)...

...it just seemed like raw emotions were channeled through a difficult (and i dunno, maybe even complex) structure...very few people on here could write it in such a way...very unique (then again, maybe many can, but just aint go to your stage...either way...)...

...i must admit...i read this while watching a class Simpsons episode...but i just got glued to it (the piece that is)...

...and well damn, such a whirlwind of emotions depicted so powerfully...for a subject that seems to be so (so so so) close to your heart n soul...i gotta say...it was executed brilliantly...


...enough said, me comments probably don't do ya piece justice...

...respect...

Gege, as i said in the last post, it's harder to realise what inspires one on here...and i'm always intrigued at what inspires someone to do something...and your question has provoked me to ask you - Gege, what inspires you? You write in such a uniquely depictive way....with it's own special depth..

Its a lot like what you said, V...I write about whats going on in my lif, or whats going on around me..But I dont limit my topics at all..

But this piece for example...Real as it gets, like I said..So if its really depictive its cuz I just wrote what I was feeling..
n actually I wouldnt ever want the guy who inspired this piece to read it..

Um... too late... I've already read it.

Don't you know all poems written by women have all been inspired and written about me. Duh.

^lol...Riiiiiiiiighht..

This Was Aight And SImplistic But Real
And As An Artist You Should Be Able To
Do Things Like This Besides A Song With
A Hook ABout What You Go Through...O Snap
You Did Do That And All You Need Is A Hook...
Stay Up Girl Things Get Better

~Content~

^Are you Flowy?

this ish was tight it made you think of a bad relationship you have or were in and i know everybody can relate to that on many levels i know i can but i enjoyed readin it. looking forward to more stuff and i might have to check out some shyt u done in the past.

Postin up for you gyrl. You already know what I think. AND I THINK IT SAYS YOUVE REACHED DAGYRL LEAVE A MESSAGE! well maybe not dagyrl but ya know. For real though for everything you do gege I got nuff love.

heh..JAYJAY!!! Thank ya baybuh.


Flowy, you get the PMs i sent you like 2 months ago?

damn this was hot girl...mos def...i loved the topic, scheme, and the way you portrayed yo emotions...

thanks.

The flow in this was constant and every word
every line was placed correctly ,
This poem was incredibly deep and quite forceful
with yuour vocab & words!


Much Props,
Good to see the ill poets still up in here.

¤DiMe¤

we've all had a relationship like this...
sometimes it's too addictive to get out of...
but sometimes, sometimes u have the strength to do it.

much love for this piece

Thanks very much.

i read through this and do you kno how many old names i saw

JAY?
omg i thought for sure he's dissapeared and went into hididng?

DIME?
the memories
oh dgr the memories lmao

gege i love this (bet your surprised to hear that huh lol)

I loved to just scribble and let my mind snap-free
For Very few things in my life made me happy..
And when all the stress came on to entrap me..

i love your unique way with intros gege you make it so we kno right away wether or not we are gonna be happy sad disturbed or threatened----

The pen on the paper was what let the strap free.
Caught in a thought, completely distraught-were,
the only things keeping my head above water..

the emotional build up is right here for me its like i can feel that your on the verge of destruction and when it leads to your larger stanza you can tell that its only gonna pull the reader ( me ) in deeper to the point i wont be able to leave this thread without 30 minutes of typing a heartfelt reply

But rough waves, they brought-blur, I let that drown my sight
For its been a while since I sat down to write.............................

setting up once again to kno whats coming is very suspensful


Last Night.....I cried.

gege that right there makes me want to cry because knowing you the reader (even tho not in the real) makes me sad to kno that tears were brought to your eyes


For everything we were, everything we never can be,
Every time you love me, every time you can't stand me.
For everything I need, everything you deny to me,
Every time I listened, every time you lied to me.

this reminded me of MARIAH CaREY
in her music videos ( soulful ones) when shes singign a part that she wants you to feel she says it in a certain tone THOSE lines made me feel that tone that saddened feeling

For everything we shout, everything we never say,
everything we feel, everything we don’t display.

not displayin? the hidden stuff in a relationship i found is the harderst to deal with and for you not to elaborate on it made it stand out even more

For everything I treasure,
the person i feel is what you treasured most

everything you take for granted,
all the sweet nothings, never mentioned, never chanted.
For every time I don't want to, every time I do anyway,
every time I reach out, every time you push my hand away.
For every time I was faithful, every time you still suspected.
Every time I cried, left alone, left neglected.

reminded me of *little doggy* you have a hard time with this gege i can see that
For every time I had a comeback, every time you raised your hand,
Every time that I explained, and you couldn’t understand.
For every time I waited up, and every time you never came,
Every time I was the victim, but every time I was to blame.

gege this rhetorical statement is wonderful i HAVE always felt that in an arguement with s speacil someone ( who i left long ago) that i was being hurt the most yet it was always my fault and i couldnt belive that to be true

For every time I was hopeful, every time you proved me wrong,
Every time I sang the words, of another sad song.

when i think of this peice i think of all sorts of sad songs as im reading my way through it alot of boys 2 men comes to my mind and the song have you ever by brandy this peice really grabs a person gege

For every time I was scared, every time you left me crying.
Every time I smiled, but inside I was dying.
For every time you crossed the line, and every time I took you back.

and you never should have unforntutly our hearts make that choice for us
All the instances of love that need the qualities we lack.
Every insult struck a nerve, every grin and bitter word,
Every thing that I’ve put up with, everything I don’t deserve.

you didnt deserve it gege and no one ever does but it does build us up to face much harder things
I realize now, though it took a lot of trying..
I’m ready to move on..I’m ready to stop crying.

and im glad that you are gege
this peice was remarqable

^^^^^ hmmmm im in awe once again of rapbattles and perhaps the entire worlds most beautiful poet

hazy

*speechless*
Thank you so much Hazy, I dont even know what to say after reading that. I really took every comment to heart, it means a lot....and for you to go out of your way to find this old piece and then reply to it with such sincerity...................Thanks gyrl.

I hadn't read this before and now I have I must say... wow... deep piece... I luved it
I could feel your emotions with reading each and every line, ... like you're just standing there hopeless but on the inside you know that you've to move on.
I know that feeling too well, and I must say, your poetry is much respected.
Keep droppin baby gurl... I hope you turn out with the one you're destined to be with

resp

Thanks so much, Split.

Wow.. I'm new here.. and yours is one of my first that I read.. You are a big inspiration =)

first let me begin by saying very few people DESERVE to be on.......you are one of those people.......

I loved to just scribble and let my mind snap-free
For Very few things in my life made me happy..
And when all the stress came on to entrap me..
The pen on the paper was what let the strap free.

^an intro is the most important part of any poem/song/artistic piece.....basically its what is supposed to snare the reader in and make them listen/read on.........you pretty much wrote the perfect example of an opener.......grabbed my eye but didn't spoil the rest by being TOO good just nice enough to leave me hungry for more

Caught in a thought, completely distraught-were,
the only things keeping my head above water..

i seperated this from the pack because it was awe inspiring.......nothing to critique it was just that damn good.


For everything I treasure, everything you take for granted,
all the sweet nothings, never mentioned, never chanted.

hella lotta FEELING in this right here.......kinda builds up for what comes later.........i like the way you are talking giving the reader an insight into what your heart is saying......


For every time I don't want to, every time I do anyway,
every time I reach out, every time you push my hand away.
For every time I was faithful, every time you still suspected.
Every time I cried, left alone, left neglected.

sadly i've been on both sides of this.......and if it helps hindsight really is twenty twenty and most of the time you don't realize what you have until its gone......i can't explain why us males act the way we do anymore then you could explain why females are the way they are.........deeeep ass emotion and please don't cry anymore.....



every time you crossed the line, and every time I took you back.
All the instances of love that need the qualities we lack.
Every insult struck a nerve, every grin and bitter word,
Every thing that I’ve put up with, everything I don’t deserve.

i love the subtle switch from sadness to anger.......just a tiny hint of bitterness........don't fret hun.......i think this potrays your emergence from the fog this person has blinded you in for so long......the strength behind your words is comforting.....


ealize now, though it took a lot of trying..
I’m ready to move on..I’m ready to stop crying.

good for you bravo and all of that..........nice way to end the piece gave an enormous amount of relief to the reader

on a personal note i've been here and other places........i like the way you expressed something that was obviously tender and emotional in such a wonderful manner........a teacher once told me that the sign of a true writer is having your words shine through when you are writing about a deep and personal pain......you do that quite often and with a great amount of skill.....keep blessing us

respect....

Ummm, prophitt??........................................ ... I love you. Even though this piece is old, Reading your reply almost felt like a therapy session..Thank you SO much...You really are one of my favorite people on here..

BrokenWings? Thanks for the comments, Welcome to RB, I'll keep an eye out for you.

WOW...that was an exellent poem, i really felt your emotion through this, it kinda had the same image as one i posted up here, i dont think anyone should have to go through this. Relationships should be two way things and it can end up bad if one person doesnt put the effort in, i know. Do me a favour and check my poem (well, i say poem) Rape, in poetic scriptures.

nd if anyones interested they can check my battle, votes needed but be honest.

Liba Dee v Da Renegade

^^front lines

Same here.........Granted their nice pieces...pieces should never be on sticky less they were battle tourney champs and what not....Its not really fair, their are many pieces that deserve this respect....thats why we dont have things like this...

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nice piece to both...no hate just equality...

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