A Step On My Map Ft. Bilayer

Bilayer

Find fragments of fame while following,
Time passes with change as I borrow dreams.
And place my split personas in two shoes.
Chase flipped honors with my soul in a suit.
Properly dressed for my death and a burial.
Never impressed by anything less then a miracle.
Captured smokey whispers and rainbows in ink.
Fractured fixtures while fixing the guilt full sink.
Searching for the plug to free my sorrowful days
Falling towards above.. I believe tomorrows a maze.
Swallowed in pages while hollowing my heart out.
It's dark out and my hearts proud of it's shame.
Sounds never change like a crowns level of fame.
Around devil games with angelic strategies.
Hands full of flames as I reach into your dreams.
And choke your conscience of modest talk.
A shattered promise followed by a honest walk.
I'll shadow your steps to gather the parts.
Rather your heart splattered in dark
Then lit by a spark from the eyes of your boy wonder..
You make boys wander on earth from birth
To the closing of the coffin lid..They often miss
The taste of oxygen, rotting in this lost abyss.
It cost my ribs to live with a set of dimples used.
These simple shoes take mental abuse
Then use it on you.

ENDI

Trace my footsteps down the pavement,
in the streets where I found my payment,
always bleek, but never raining,
I swear to God, this shits amazing.

So Im lacing the heavens on earth, teathered in verse,
placing sentences first, with a leathery verb,
you bet its a curse, no pleading with these heathens,
unless you feel like your needing a beating,
bleeding from demons, claws cutting deep in your soul,
one peep and it shows, flaws start leaking a glow,
speak and they know, every word written in your book,
should have been spitting for the hook,
instead you got caught slipping, flip and your shook.

This spot on the map is no place to play,
get laid on your back, so weigh what you say,
you'll be crucified a sinner, no remorse,
never the winner, you'll scream as your body contorts.

http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/show...te-387523.html
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/show...ll-387370.html

Uppin for feed

uppin for feed

upppin

not a bad collab .....Very poetic feel to the fist few lines...then I kinda picked up the flow(Im tired), good word usage and comparatives.....Both had good verses seperatly, but I wasnt feeling these 2 styles mesh very well....bilayer's was very poetic and vivd, where Endi's had some wicked flow and some street style behind it.....but....still I enjoyed it....thanx for the read guys...peace...

bilayer. i liked the rhyme scheme creatively. it fell off a few times tho which hindered the overall effect of ur flow. u had some dope bravado type lines, i liked ur verse as a whole. on point & a decent read. endi, maaad short drop, ha. even so - ur flow was fire for the most part, grimey sort of shit, ha. i liked ur verse man, i wish it was longer tho. so yea, overall a good read. good stuff guys.

Bilayer, loved the rhymescheme and flow man. It was really well set and delivered perfectly while I read it mate. I personally think you stood your ground very well through this whole verse and I can't really find anything bad to say about it dude.


Endi, I've always been a slight fan of your work and this shows why right here my friend. Your rhymescheme was absolutely brutal dude. Sentences were really fucking short which possibly held back some possible content but I felt your flow and rhymescheme was just there dude. Kept me happy for the most part.

Overall, nice cool guys.. do it again sometime.


http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/show...ii-387879.html

Good looks on the feed yall.

I had a different view on the first verse. I have a very odd style that works for me and most things that I read I can someway figure out how to read them to make them flow or go together well but I felt some of the lines were not needed. The lines lines that didnt rhyme or follow the flow, I felt broke up the peice. It threw me off whenever I got to them. Alot of simple rhymes, which arent a problem but I feel if you are going to avoid internals then load that ship up with emotion and detail. You did that in some areas which was great but other than that I didnt see it going anywhere story wise. Not bad but I feel if you really want to write something awwed at then you should try to take the reader somewhere.

The second verse I thought made more sense and had better flow but the material in the first had much better detail. Still no real story present and as a reader wasnt entertained. Im not saying it was a bad piece or a waste of time by any means I just feel I should tell you what you could have done better on rather than saying you had good rhymes.

If you could check out mine that would be cool. I havent posted anything in a few years so it might not be that great. Just let me know what you think. its called its better if you close your eyes

I'll check it out tommorow when I get out of work.

Up for the last time.