Need advice- Car Crash (Pictures included)

I wanted to make a rap about da car crash i was in but this is my first time writing so need some advice.

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Chorus:
Thank you lord, for distracting the grim ripper.
Cause death would have impacted on my society
that's deeper than this would that's left on me,
If only you could be in my situation to see what I saw.

Verse 1:

Normal day fell into the hands of darkness,
but a little glow still remained, nothing less.

4 riders on a car heading to the beach,
sense of enjoyment stuck on us like a blood sucking leech.

suck the fear out of us only thing that remained was fun,
soon followed something similar to gettin shot by a loaded gun.

quick as a fired bullet, a car flew into our back,
wreckless driving nearly resulted on us being inside a sack.

The car spun 180, leaving us victims to on coming traffic,
another car hit us, thoughts of my peers dead it was tragic.

Our spirits never failed, unconciousness is the only thing that bailed,
Illegal driving got me thinking the possibilies of gettin' jailed.

Fell into a deep sleep couldn't remember anything I witnessed,
when I woke up a crowd were behind us we were blessed.


Chorus:
Thank you lord, for distracting the grim ripper.
Cause death would have impacted on my society
that's deeper than this would that's left on me,
If only you were in my situation u would see.

Verse 2:
Ambition as a Rider was being played the irony made me smile,
soon to be wiped from what I could see, the shit was freaker than x-files.

Friend's eyes closed not moving with deep bruises and scars,
the car's body was half it's size and skid marks remainded on the tars.

Sirens mixed but the crowd's gossip were only things to be heared,
rushed to the hospital couldn't remember much of what just occured.

Diagnosed with punctured lungs, felt heavy around the chest,
the bullets force at it's best was enough to overcome any vest.

Memories inbeeded in the inner wound impacted more than any broken glass,
something morden medicin could never cure, pure shit at it's own class.


Chorus:
Thank you lord, for distracting the grim ripper.
Cause death would have impacted on my society
that's deeper than this would that's left on me,
If only you were in my situation u would see.


Steriotying got me blaming myself everyone asking my car's speed,
questioned if I was on drugs, drinking alcohol or tokin' weed.

Guilty thoughts of my peers health made me wanna bleed,
An evil deed, beginnin of my criminal life from this seed.

Couldn't sleep for days, imagining my life behind bars,
A disease worse than drepression or even the deadly SARS.

The mind is something that no one can control,
goes anywhere no one can stop it to stroll.

Family help me get through, my peers still remain in my crew,
till this day my mind keeps spittin' images that it drew.