10 Lines
Due 12 days
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@Slayerr.
@daveDILLY
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here
good luck slay
i will get 10 in the next day or 2
don’t bother getting laser focused, it’s hopeless - & for you? not fun..
u come around here wit tunnel vision u’ll be staring down the barrel of a shotgun
4get the check in & run 4 ur life - these fist leaving u split..
battling me? your not thinking straight, like all the gay thoughts you get
he’s never losing his virginity - not even wit the help of shots & beers..
if i hada guess how long it takes estimate, id do that & say another 30 years
u might of got lucky in ur last battle but that isn’t happening wit me..
slay ain’t a burglar but will probably catch a bid for robbing spree
u aint bout that tough guy shit - im the badass here by far..
so dont compare us incisor strength or my fist will find out how strong ur’s are
^^ @Slayerr.
Shits due tomorrow night
Request extension until Monday night
You got itQuote:
Originally Posted by Slayerr.
Aka Dave.dillanger
I’m a soldier, frightening, get back from war I’m reserved n removed
You ain’t a fighting man, all you do post op is rejoice your periods removed
U common criminal, small skinny rat can’t box me I’ll do him harm for sure
When dilly concedes the reach he got put down for 10, by the long arm of the law
Don’t provoke me, it’s hopeless ur bars have no power
Last time u dropped something that banged…it was the soap in the shower
Think ur the prophet on a rap forum but you’re not from the light
Last week miracle buried you so deep, one of those couldn’t bring you back to life
You’re a moany guy, washed up n old and u fat for sure
The only time you had a prime - u was dropping a delivery at my door
don’t bother getting laser focused, it’s hopeless - & for you? not fun..
u come around here wit tunnel vision u’ll be staring down the barrel of a shotgun
this is str8 ... just missing something
4get the check in & run 4 ur life - these fist leaving u split..
battling me? your not thinking straight, like all the gay thoughts you get
this is par.. could've ad a better twist after "thiking straight"
he’s never losing his virginity - not even wit the help of shots & beers..
if i hada guess how long it takes estimate, id do that & say another 30 years
lol ..dope
u might of got lucky in ur last battle but that isn’t happening wit me..
slay ain’t a burglar but will probably catch a bid for robbing spree
blah ..par
u aint bout that tough guy shit - im the badass here by far..
so dont compare us incisor strength or my fist will find out how strong ur’s are
you're doing to much here
cool verse Dave
vs
Aka Dave.dillanger
I’m a soldier, frightening, get back from war I’m reserved n removed
You ain’t a fighting man, all you do post op is rejoice your periods removed
what.. is this a typo???
U common criminal, small skinny rat can’t box me I’ll do him harm for sure
When dilly concedes the reach he got put down for 10, by the long arm of the law
huh...this doesnt work
Don’t provoke me, it’s hopeless ur bars have no power
Last time u dropped something that banged…it was the soap in the shower
i dont know about this
Think ur the prophet on a rap forum but you’re not from the light
Last week miracle buried you so deep, one of those couldn’t bring you back to life
slay tis is bad, dude
You’re a moany guy, washed up n old and u fat for sure
The only time you had a prime - u was dropping a delivery at my door
wordin could be better
well... this is obviously onesided. with thie better overall verse:
v- daveDILLY
don’t bother getting laser focused, it’s hopeless - & for you? not fun..
u come around here wit tunnel vision u’ll be staring down the barrel of a shotgun
good concept for sure - flow and execution could be better
4get the check in & run 4 ur life - these fist leaving u split..
battling me? your not thinking straight, like all the gay thoughts you get
eh, straight/gay concept way over done and the flow was a bit off
he’s never losing his virginity - not even wit the help of shots & beers..
if i hada guess how long it takes estimate, id do that & say another 30 years
good wp, good bar
u might of got lucky in ur last battle but that isn’t happening wit me..
slay ain’t a burglar but will probably catch a bid for robbing spree
meh
u aint bout that tough guy shit - im the badass here by far..
so dont compare us incisor strength or my fist will find out how strong ur’s are
drop the word "us" and this is a lot better. good wp.
pretty creative a bit better than i expected/remember you writing.
I’m a soldier, frightening, get back from war I’m reserved n removed
You ain’t a fighting man, all you do post op is rejoice your periods removed
garnered a chuckle
U common criminal, small skinny rat can’t box me I’ll do him harm for sure
When dilly concedes the reach he got put down for 10, by the long arm of the law
eh
Don’t provoke me, it’s hopeless ur bars have no power
Last time u dropped something that banged…it was the soap in the shower
decent
Think ur the prophet on a rap forum but you’re not from the light
Last week miracle buried you so deep, one of those couldn’t bring you back to life
flow could be better not bad tho
You’re a moany guy, washed up n old and u fat for sure
The only time you had a prime - u was dropping a delivery at my door
prime/amazon way over done but also this is nit-picking - you called him skinny and fat in the span of 3 bars - continuity bro! -- kidding but just a played concept weak for a finisher
little less complex and some easy to spot bars - some flips and played stuff, not awful but def seen you do better.
vote - dave - more complex punches and more that landed cleaner.
Damn I swear I voted on this…anyways here is my analysis! I’m about to break this down a real DeComposition like someone died.’
Davedilly-
don’t bother getting laser focused, it’s hopeless - & for you? not fun..
u come around here wit tunnel vision u’ll be staring down the barrel of a shotgun
-“laser focused” is a gun reference to a inferred laser used in precision aiming.
If it’s hopeless then it has to be a play on words signifying that that you won’t be able to hit your target even with such an aid..
Dave then asks a rhetorical In which he answers so it’s not only hopeless but it’s also agonizing for you..
-tunnel vision suggests normally that you have no distractions but in this context it suggests unawareness. - diving further into this word play a shotgun is close quarters combat so the level of unawareness slayerr has mixed with Dave’s heavy hitting bars is made extremely evident in this intricate wordplay, you falling into his trap per Say’… a deeper analysis for the bar U notch sights are sights on weapons that when used in conjunction with a front sight makes aim more precise, Assuming that is the correct wordplay then just like in video games using a long range method in short arm combat is useless and will actually leave you at a disadvantage starting into the U notch gives your vision a sort of tunnel vision btw.
4get the check in & run 4 ur life - these fist leaving u split..
battling me? your not thinking straight, like all the gay thoughts you get
-in terms of a punchline it’s decent and I’ll leave it there, however I’m doing a full 100 percent breakdown reach and all so, with added wordplay it seems it could have took a more complexed meaning but let’s delve and see if things line up.
So in this bar dave uses a lot of 4 and 8 references with words like 4get run 4 str8. Then he says
- with all the gay thoughts you get - this is the only clever play on the word straight from this bar -.
he’s never losing his virginity - not even wit the help of shots & beers..
if i hada guess how long it takes estimate, id do that & say another 30 years
This is a clever punch suggesting that slayerr has not lost his V card yet at the age of 30 then the homophone of estimate - S’ (slayerr) to mate, another 30 years is crazy.
-I’m definitely going on a tangent here however I feel like 4 & 8 is so repeated in this verse it could have been used to build on something words like estim8 thinking str8 ,,losing virginity - fornicate or 4nic8 run 4 life , 4get I won’t take away from this dope line and how much the simplicity brings it out more but what comes to mind in complex structure is maybe a restructuring of “another 30” to first 48? The concept would be-
“slay is special ED, never losing his virginity, I never -see S eye- a chick to get layED and mate ..
if I hadda guess 2day, my 6th sense would estim8 this nut case couldn’t get a bust in the first 48…”
It’s a bit wordy but def layered but by no means am I saying this would have been better because the original line definitely did the work..
u might of got lucky in ur last battle but that isn’t happening wit me..
slay ain’t a burglar but will probably catch a bid for robbing spree
A cold shot at his last battle suggesting a robbery or rigged match.
u aint bout that tough guy shit - im the badass here by far..
so dont compare us incisor strength or my fist will find out how strong ur’s are
Clever homophone actually, tough guy wants to go mano a Mano or hand to hand - head to head but Dave’s the bad ass by far.
Then don’t compare us -in size or- strength because you wil get rocked in the teeth and once again 4 pops up because we Al have 4 incisor teeth lol..
In summary:
-in numerical order - we have
1. Don’t bother taking aim with super intricate deep distance attacks for this battle because I won’t get deep I’ll just get personal and get at you from close range.
2. Metaphorically it’s not long range it’s close quarters combat so Don’t bother “checking in” for a flight or hotel stay in a sense because it’s short and sweet, punches will flank and attack you evenly from 2 sides splitting your force in a split second similar to how your thoughts aren’t concise and straight but more split into a more wider sub group such as saying heterosexual or straight are one group that think of one concept but gay is a bigger group with preferences that can apply many different ways LGBTQ.
3. He is a virgin that won’t get layed on a drunk night in fact it would take another 30 years
4.suggests luck and robbery being the source of victory against spree with spree being the suffix in lucky spree or robbery spree
5.you are not as tough as I am in strength or size and if you test it out I’ll make you swallow your teeth.
Slayerr-
Ok let’s keep that same energy-
I’m a soldier, frightening, get back from war I’m reserved n removed
You ain’t a fighting man, all you do post op is rejoice your periods removed
Ok ima start with this- I dislike to the 3rd power the fact that removed is being rhyme with removed as well as it’s not multi rhymes or syllables however I see two close rhymes within the bar frightening , fighting man but this bar is solely constructed for the scheme- which is an image constructive bar that’s painting slayerr as a highly skilled and respected war vet who is battle tested -painted in a positive light - but in contrast the opponent now gives the image negative balance to further bring out the image or concept- slayerr paints Dave in three different ways as a poor, weak man or a woman.. With the lines you’re not a fighting man all that you do post op is rejoice that your period has been removed. Suggesting a multi layered bar which is conveying that Dave after war is just happy to not be in that situation anymore ,or after surgery Dave is happy that he has some insurance and feels covered knowing that his billing won’t reflect his recovery period and post ovulation period begins the start of a new cycle assuming you didn’t get pregnant also it suggests Dave is on the birth control contraceptive like depo which leaves your body in a post ovulation state inhibiting your reproductive organs from allowing pregnancy. So in short while slayerr was dodging shots and doing the shooting Dave is getting shots wether BC or BBC lol..also the scheme is about Men -O-P ause or removal over your ovary maybe
U common criminal, small skinny rat can’t box me I’ll do him harm for sure
When dilly concedes the reach he got put down for 10, by the long arm of the law
Looks like this bar alludes to a time theme. Common criminals are committing crimes around the clock in which they are getting statistics on it
Small skinny RAT - small skinny rotating arm of time is the short hand or minute hand. Can’t box me like a digital clock or can’t box me like a boxer that we all pay to watch fight in a time frame, the small hand on the clock is the minute arm which if pronounced my-noot means small and skinny, this now goes back on the beginning of the line - with the small time crooks in a box or jail - small rats in a cage -small opponent hands that can’t box- and finally an Easter egg- I’ll do him harm for sure ( H/arm or hour arm) lol once Dave concedes - can see it’s- nice homophone there. the reach he got put down for 10 lines. long arm of the law is a play on words.
Don’t provoke me, it’s hopeless ur bars have no power
Last time u dropped something that banged…it was the soap in the shower
Relating to the small time crook line it established he is weak now here slayerr speaks on Dave that Dave is power less so the bar of soap it the hardest bar he dropped lol
Think ur the prophet on a rap forum but you’re not from the light
Last week miracle buried you so deep, one of those couldn’t bring you back to life
Honestly this one is my least favorite
You’re a moany guy, washed up n old and u fat for sure
The only time you had a prime - u was dropping a delivery at my door
Seems like the enthusiasm died out on these last two imo however this bar isn’t so bad but at the same time in terms of punchlines I wouldn’t use it for the simple fact it lowkey could be flipped.
Summary
Numbered order
1.im a respectable vet who is seasoned and you are a woman- I calm and collected after returning from war meanwhile your post OP (ovulation period) is what you rejoiced and the word play suggests that he got the depo shot to stop his period
2.time references and three main themes his opponent is a small time crook, a little pest rodent, homophone concedes and can see it’s the reach that will bring him down on 10lines or 10 years locked up.rat is also an acronym for rotating arm of time
3 word play to say the hardest bar you dropped was in the shower haha
4lower tier punch line
4. Tells his opponent that he was never in his prime but working for prime they had delivery lowkey isn’t really a diss.
Hell of a battle. Two intellectuals had a cash of the mind and I’m voting for DAVE in this one
Dave wins